Angry / depressed all my life. How do I change? (introvert, psychologist, college)

[Nomaddd]

As the thread title implies, I find myself being angry / depressed all the time. And it's not new. I was this way (probably even worse) as a teenager, and even as a little boy. Matter of fact, I'm not sure if I can remember a time when I was a generally happy person.

The problem is, people have made a point of telling me to my face they a) think I'm an *******, or b) that I'm angry / grumpy all of the time. My problem is, I don't really know how to be anybody else. I almost feel like it's a part of my identity and I wouldn't recognize my own face in the mirror if I were a generally happy person. I don't really know how to be happy.

I know it hurts my personal and professional life. I know most women are turned off by my personality (though I have met a few who seem to love it, though they rarely want to date me). Same kind of deal at work, and I work at the kind of place where people pretty much say anything, we've got some real characters at my job. And even there, people seem to take offense to the things I say and to my attitude.

But how can I be happy when I've never really been that way?

[Scottay]

If it makes you feel any better I dont think very many people are truly happy. They just dont let it dictate their personalities. They sort of......forget about it....put it in the back of their mind so to speak.

It's kind a like the pain of losing a loved one. The pain is still there the person may never really get over it but they still have to go to work every day and live in society. The pain is still there, it just isn't on the forefront of their mind all the time.

[mszlady]

Being happy is a state of mind. Instead of asking, how can I be happy, ask what makes me happy? What do you like to do for fun? It may be that you're just an introvert, (like me), and people interpret you as mean or angry. Many people have told me "I thought you were______ until I got to know you. You're really cool and nice"
Another thing, don't worry about what people think about you, because someone will always have something negative to say. Focus on the things you like to do, maybe you'll develop happiness that way. Many people have their home and their not home faces on. When they're not home, they're "happy" and when they're home, they're miserable.

[irish_bob]

Originally Posted by Nomaddd

As the thread title implies, I find myself being angry / depressed all the time. And it's not new. I was this way (probably even worse) as a teenager, and even as a little boy. Matter of fact, I'm not sure if I can remember a time when I was a generally happy person.

The problem is, people have made a point of telling me to my face they a) think I'm an *******, or b) that I'm angry / grumpy all of the time. My problem is, I don't really know how to be anybody else. I almost feel like it's a part of my identity and I wouldn't recognize my own face in the mirror if I were a generally happy person. I don't really know how to be happy.

I know it hurts my personal and professional life. I know most women are turned off by my personality (though I have met a few who seem to love it, though they rarely want to date me). Same kind of deal at work, and I work at the kind of place where people pretty much say anything, we've got some real characters at my job. And even there, people seem to take offense to the things I say and to my attitude.

But how can I be happy when I've never really been that way?

I doubt your an a h0le , proper a h0les don't have the self awareness to ask themselves the hard questions you are about yourself

perhaps a change of environment would help, are their people close to you where you live who drain you and cause you to be stressed or angry , relocating although not always possible is sometimes a great way to make a fresh start , no one knows you so they don't know about how your are perhaps broadly perceived , just throwing out an idea , may not be suitable

[purehuman]

Maybe you don't know what "happy" is?..what do you think it is?..maybe you could try smiling at your peers (even if you don't feel like it) and just see the positive reaction you'll get back. Why not take a day where you really strive to say only positive things. If you exude positivity people are drawn to you...instead of thinking about how grumpy you feel, do something that makes you feel good and at peace...what gives you pleasure in life? what do you enjoy doing?
You know it's actually a lot easier to be happy than it is to be grumpy....and satisfaction is the reward. Hope you give it a try.

[Nomaddd]

Originally Posted by purehuman

Maybe you don't know what "happy" is?..what do you think it is?..maybe you could try smiling at your peers (even if you don't feel like it) and just see the positive reaction you'll get back. Why not take a day where you really strive to say only positive things. If you exude positivity people are drawn to you...instead of thinking about how grumpy you feel, do something that makes you feel good and at peace...what gives you pleasure in life? what do you enjoy doing?
You know it's actually a lot easier to be happy than it is to be grumpy....and satisfaction is the reward. Hope you give it a try.

But I feel like that would not be sincere. I would be pretending to smile at people when in actuality I could not care less about them.

Honestly, the only thing that makes me feel good is drinking. I have two or three drinks every day after I get off work, and then drinks on the weekends when I don't go to work. But I've been accused of being a mean, aggressive drunk.

I'm not religious (actually my lack of religious belief has caused a lot of tension in between me and my family), so it's not like praying or going to church will help. I used to do drugs in high school and college, but I stopped after I overdosed on some pills when I was 18 years old and had to go to the hospital.

I've contemplated suicide off and on since I was about 12 years old or so, just never had the balls to do it. Now I'm in my late 20s and I find that nothing really makes me happy. Even though I have a good job, decent apartment, etc. I still feel the need to lash out at people, and have little regard for them. I find my temper hard to control sometimes, and it's really, really difficult for me not to physically hurt people sometimes when I get angry at them.........I know I shouldn't be like this, but the feelings are really overwhelming sometimes.

[lilyflower3191981]

Originally Posted by Nomaddd

As the thread title implies, I find myself being angry / depressed all the time. And it's not new. I was this way (probably even worse) as a teenager, and even as a little boy. Matter of fact, I'm not sure if I can remember a time when I was a generally happy person.

The problem is, people have made a point of telling me to my face they a) think I'm an *******, or b) that I'm angry / grumpy all of the time. My problem is, I don't really know how to be anybody else. I almost feel like it's a part of my identity and I wouldn't recognize my own face in the mirror if I were a generally happy person. I don't really know how to be happy.

I know it hurts my personal and professional life. I know most women are turned off by my personality (though I have met a few who seem to love it, though they rarely want to date me). Same kind of deal at work, and I work at the kind of place where people pretty much say anything, we've got some real characters at my job. And even there, people seem to take offense to the things I say and to my attitude.

But how can I be happy when I've never really been that way?

I am so sorry that you have to go through this.
I wonder however if you want to talk to somebody, like a close family member, or a close friend, even a therapist. Opening yourself up to others really does help.

Angry people are usually unhappy depressed people. You might suffer from depression which for the most cases highly treatable.

Hang in there and good luck to you.

[Ilovelife111]

Originally Posted by Nomaddd

As the thread title implies, I find myself being angry / depressed all the time. And it's not new. I was this way (probably even worse) as a teenager, and even as a little boy. Matter of fact, I'm not sure if I can remember a time when I was a generally happy person.

The problem is, people have made a point of telling me to my face they a) think I'm an *******, or b) that I'm angry / grumpy all of the time. My problem is, I don't really know how to be anybody else. I almost feel like it's a part of my identity and I wouldn't recognize my own face in the mirror if I were a generally happy person. I don't really know how to be happy.

I know it hurts my personal and professional life. I know most women are turned off by my personality (though I have met a few who seem to love it, though they rarely want to date me). Same kind of deal at work, and I work at the kind of place where people pretty much say anything, we've got some real characters at my job. And even there, people seem to take offense to the things I say and to my attitude.

But how can I be happy when I've never really been that way?

Nomaad, before you find the solution to this problem , you have to first find its roots. What do you think cause you to be so unhappy? Since you said you were like that even as alittle boy, so let's go that far back...

How was your home life? Your relationship to your parents or whoever were the parents figure. Were they or one of them abusive? Were you neglected? Did they pay attention to your feelings? When you voice a concern, how did they respond? By shouting? yelling?.....

What about your siblings? Were you the only child? If not, were you the "forgotten" child?

What about a traumatizing experience or period in your life? Did anything happen to you that you still hasn't gotten over?

I'm not a psychologist or anything but it feels like you didn't get any attention or emotional care as a child by one or both parent ( maybe your mother) due to divorce or because they didn't care...just my two cents..

PLease find help and talk to a therapist. They will be good at helping you what causes you to be so depressed. Good luck and chin up!

[Scottay]

Originally Posted by irish_bob

I doubt your an a h0le , proper a h0les don't have the self awareness to ask themselves the hard questions you are about yourself

This is a good point. Real a-holes are not at all self aware, are thoroughly convinced that they are perfect in every way and that it is everyone else that has the problem.

[Scottay]

Originally Posted by Nomaddd

But I feel like that would not be sincere. I would be pretending to smile at people when in actuality I could not care less about them.

Dont think of it as pretending. Think of it as showing people the best side of you. Many people, myself included have had problems with drugs and have often thought suicide would be a viable way out. But I dont share that side of me with my friends, and certainly not my co-workers because I want to have people in my life and I know that they wont want to be around me if I'm constantly lamenting to them about my sucky life.