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I did. It happened to me 5 years ago. It started as a horrible concussion-like pain attacking the back of my head when I was trying to sleep at night. I don’t remember everything now but I remember excruciating pain, headache, etc. All horrible things. That was the worst night of my entire life and the worst attack in the history of my sleep disorder.
Until you experience a fire first-hand, and experience having to evacuate your home and leave everything behind - all within seconds. You really don't know what it's like.
And now I worry all the time. Electrical plugs, electronics that get hot, grills, ovens, candles... I am on constant high alert. And the fire we experienced wasn't even our own doing - it was caused by a neighbor putting their charcoal grill away... the grill was still hot and the heat started a fire.
Being sexually harassed on a daily basis (high school)
I became paranoid about people talking to me. I hear things that aren't there. I feel things that aren't happening. I'm better now, but that was the worst thing I've ever experienced. Depression sucks, but Lexapro helps!
I lost everything, family, stuff, house, marriage... The bottom of my life just fell out. Since then, though I have stuff and so far as I hope a home, I never feel 'secure'. Tomorrow the bottom could go out again. Any tomorrow. What its left me is that there is really no security, and nothing to depend on, and to take all the joy you can out of what you have.
I try to dream and think of the future but its this blank, hazy place.
I had a house fire, also, in 1997. Lost everything. Fire is relentless.
And I worked in One World Trade Center and was in the building on September 11. That's a dividing line in my life. Every day at some point, it is 8:46 a.m. on that Tuesday when that floor jerked under my feet and everything changed. In my mind, something happens to the psyche when a person is in the presence of mass death. Hundreds of people died at that moment a few hundred feet above my head, and I felt it.
One is bad and I won't talk about it here but for the most part have over come it. The other was a relationship issue where the person I liked said he was gay when he was in fact 100% straight and knew it. That messed with me for about 2 years and even now I am not quite the same person but getting back to who I was. In fact he is the only person I ever regret meeting.
I thought I did, until I heard some of the stories from my students who were incarcerated. That experience made me realize that some people never had a chance. Some people are born, literally, fifty miles behind the starting point of this race. Some people are born within five feet of the finishing line, and run backwards. They think their lives are traumatic. And create more.
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