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A good marriage depends on chemistry and compatibility on physical, emotional, spiritual and psychological levels, as well as having values and temperaments in common or that are compatible.
You can go to therapy until you are blue in the face, but if you don't have the above going on, there is going to be no point.
So I would say in this case, that yes, you are you sister are more qualified than a therapist who does not have a happy marriage. It seems obvious that she (the therapist) and your sister would be at odds, given their different experiences.
I hope this is not off topic, but I do not think former addicts are good counselors. Maybe counseling with someone who has not been an addict can be beneficial.
As for a cheating marriage counselor? No judging from me, things happen, people change.
I have always wondered though how effective a priest, who has never been married, can really be an effective marriage counselor. Especially when their agenda is to keep marriages together. Reminds me of a story a friend of mine told me, she was Mormon, and having problems in her marriage, and spoke with her LDS bishop, because it was also affecting her faith, basically he told her being more obedient was the key to a better relationship! So much for religious leaders and marriage therapy!
People may disagree with this, but marriage therapy, really does not work. INMO. The fact that a couple seeks therapy shows how much dysfunction there is in the relationship. Couples either decide to live with the dysfunction, or not. Divorce is not easy, it is economically devastating, and for women, not a lot of men are lining up to marry women with two or more kids. I am not advocating a woman stay in an abusive relationship for financial security, but it is easy to advise someone to leave an abusive marriage, the financial security is a big issue.
I earn a good salary, and even for me, it was tough being a single Mom.
Obedient, LOL you or him? I am sure he is a lukcey guy.
Some marriages should end, and hopefully, a good marriage counselor will recognize those, and help the spouses make a clean break with as little damage as possible to their respective well-beings and futures.
But I don't know if that is within the ethical scope of a marriage counselor, or are they bound to keep a couple together, no matter what?
Some marriages should end, and hopefully, a good marriage counselor will recognize those, and help the spouses make a clean break with as little damage as possible to their respective well-beings and futures.
But I don't know if that is within the ethical scope of a marriage counselor, or are they bound to keep a couple together, no matter what?
Quote:
Originally Posted by tijlover
I lucked out when I went to a marriage counselor 20 years ago. 2nd session: You two are completely incompatible, go your separate ways!
Looks like that answered your question!
I made an appointment with a marriage counselor when my marriage had gotten very bad. He said he wanted to meet with each of us individually first. I saw him, and after telling him what the issues were (things that were not just my perception, but my then-husband's addiction problems), he told me that it didn't sound as if there was much hope to save my marriage. I asked him to please see my husband, since he'd agreed to go to a marriage counselor in the first place. The marriage counselor said OK, he would see him...and of course, my husband didn't bother to show up for his appointment.
It did occur to me that it had to sound bad to the marriage counselor if he was turning down the opportunity to milk us for fees.
If a physician's patient dies of an illness during treatment, is he/she a poor physician?
If an attorney is successfully sued, does that make him/her a poor attorney?
If an accountant has to pay additional taxes following an IRS audit, does that mean he/she is a poor accountant?
If a minister bears false witness, does that make him/her a poor minister?
If a traffic cop is pulled over for speeding, is he/she a poor cop?
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C'mon, folks! The fact that a marriage counselor has been divorced does not mean he/she is incompetent as a marriage counselor. Passing blanket judgment on all members of a group is called a 'sweeping generalization.' It is frequently a symptom of ignorance, prejudice or bigotry.
We all learn through trial-and-error, and we learn A LOT MORE from our errors/mistakes/failures than we do from our successes. So, having been through a divorce may actually make a marriage counselor MORE effective.
Individuals differ, of course, and additional factors can make a significant difference (e.g. someone who has been divorced four times). So, if you're going to pass judgment on someone, do it on a person-by-person basis and base your judgment on the facts rather than on their membership in a group.
well this is definitely not politically correct for me to say, but I have often wondered if the marriage counselors are divorced men and women themselves, what makes them so great to give advice? Are they more qualified to give advice and act like God simply because they have a license and couple of years of schooling?
My sister and her husband are seeking professional help in order to save their marriage. I say their marriage is beyond repaire. Her husband has been cheating on her for so many years with at least three different women. The marriage counselor said that they had to learn to communicate with each other better. After several sessions, he learned to "forgive himself." Seriously, this has to be a joke.
The marriage counselor is a divorced woman herself and she admit she has cheated on her own husband!!! (but she learned to free herself from guilt.) Well, I admire her honesty, but how can she possibly give advice to help my sister when she was a God damn cheater herself?!
Some marriage counselors aren't married. Others are divorced twice or unhappily married. Is this who you want to pay for advice? Would you take fitness tips from a 350-pound personal trainer who just had bypass surgery?
If your marriage counselor doesn't have the kind of relationship you want, she simply can't tell you how to get it. When I think about the lousy advice that my sister got during her marriage counseling, I'm amazed that she could even sit there and listening to all these bs.
Instead of someone with an impressive diploma, consider seeking the advice of a wife with a happy, healthy, intimate relationship. I think my sister should just ask my mom for her advice. She should also ask my sister in law and her happily married friends. She can even ask me why I am so happy with my relationship!! Although I am not married myself, my love life is definitely much better than hers!!
Instead, she has to pay for a professional help. The end result is that she is feeling even worse and more miserable.
Yes, they can help others. It's always easier to solve someone else's problem than your own. They can know the way, but not necessarily be able themselves to travel on it. But if they point out the way to someone else, the someone else may be able to travel on it.
It's like church people being mad at preachers for not doing what they preach. But hello, they preach the ultimate goals... and of course they themselves can't reach them just as the rest of us can't... They are not better than us, they just know the way. Which doesn't necessarily mean that they can travel on this way. Doing is the hard part. Talking about the right way to do things is the easy part.
So yes, those who can't travel the way can still point the way to others (in case those others may be able to travel on it)
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After several sessions, he learned to "forgive himself." 
Well, I admire her honesty, but how can she possibly give advice to help my sister when she was a God damn cheater herself?!
