Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I agree, but it's hard to be confident when for most of your life you've been called names and treated as less than just because of how you look. I didn't choose to be born ugly, if I had a choice in the matter I would have been born with supermodel-type looks.
If you are ugly and confident you also become more of a target. Like "why is this ugly person so confident? They're inferior."
If you are one of the rare people in the below average category (not including overweight people, people who have poor hygiene or style, average people who think not being beautiful means they are ugly, etc), then it is completely different to the everyday "ugly" people you see on the streets and judge as gross or inferior just because of high standards from media.
People with abnormal features (which are extreme and stand out from a distance) are considered disfigured. But if you are born looking different, and don't have any diseases, then you are the rare few who are in a marginalized group who has no group to advocate for them. Or offer assistance. The groups who help disfigured people don't help disfigured people who don't have a medical diagnosis for why they look abnormal.
Funding plastic surgery for less than 1% of the population (probably less than 0.5%) would not be a huge financial burden for an industrialized country. Especially since many western countries have public health care. If people can become more normalized through plastic surgery, they contribute more to society. Imagine if someone is one of these unattractive people, and they receive government disability benefits for 10+ years because they can't work or go out in public. If they can become more normal, they can work and pay taxes. It's less of a burden than just leaving them ignored (because the topic is so taboo that no one wants to talk about it) on disability assistance. People with poor mental health use more public services as well.
This rare group of people needs help. It's going to cost tax payers more if things don't change.
If you watch the TV show Botched By Nature it talks about how a woman with very small breasts is disfigured. Or having loose skin because they were obese and lost weight. There are TV shows to help overweight people (who have a low chance of keeping the weight off even if they lose it), TV shows to help attractive people whose surgeries went wrong because they wanted to be more attractive, people who had accidents, or have congenital disorders...but where are the TV shows about people who were just born ugly? I read an article that said doctors don't offer free surgery to ugly people because it isn't in their best interest financially.
Why is there so much stigma for even talking about it? If you're ugly you're told you need to make your personality better. Looks so matter, so obviously it is your personality. People are ONLY mean to you because you don't smile enough. It's such BS, and it puts all of the burden on the ugly person, and reinforces the negative judgments people have about unattractive people having bad personalities.
I have read a lot of articles about this topic, and I have contacted a lot of people who were involved in research/studies, and even these groups who help the disfigured. These people who study the topic and their studies show that looks do matter (if you're above or below average), and yet these people became so uncomfortable when I brought up the subject with them. Most (all except one of the researchers) denied looks matter. The charity groups stopped contacting when I said there is no medical diagnosis.
What can be done to help people who are pretty much considered to be non-existent?
PS: Sorry, it's long. I also believe funding for transgender people should be covered. Transgender people have a very high suicide rate, and becoming more normalized would help with mental health as well.
I think that poster is understandably frustrated. Most of us who aren't conventionally attractive deal with that fine, and past high school not conventionally attractive people are usually just people who may occasionally wish that they had been dealt a better appearance hand. But there are people whose looks go beyond not conventionally attractive and whose struggles with their appearance last far beyond high school.
Exactly!
Most people who claim they are ugly, are average and wish they had the perks of the attractive people. If you are ignored, and can't date people you find attractive, it is much much different than being actually ugly.
If you're actually ugly you can't go outside without being stared at, you receive horrible treatment, harassment, even aggressive behavior.
If you can go outside and be normal, then you're not ugly.
I do have a depression diagnosis, and OCD. And I know it would be much easier having a diagnosis like "aspergers syndrome" or something to get disability pension. But I don't want a diagnosis that I don't recognize myself at all in. I could have faked aspergers and gotten that diagnosis but I want people to understand the REAL reason for my social alienation, if I had faked aspergers people around me could continue living in denial of the real reason (my mom is in severe denial about the looks situation) and I don't want that. It's annoying when people project things about your personality based on looks i.e negative halo effect. So I would definitily not want an inaccurate diagnosis just for money.
I agree with the confidence thing. People just get angry if an ugly, or even worse, deformed person is confident. I'm confident so I know. They just want you to be a downthrodden, quiet pawn in the bottom of social hierarchy and have no opinion about anything. You are not allowed to be yourself if you are ugly or deformed.
Yeah, I'm part of that marginalized group you're describing. I have never officially been labeled deformed by a doctor, but psychologists I have seen have agreed that my face is not normal, but their oponion does not officially count. I think it's because my craniofacial deformity don't fall into any of the craniofacial deformity diagnosises that exist, like crouzons syndrome and other known craniofacial deformities. My bone strucural hypoplasia is however just as severe as in someone with crouzons or even more, my upper jaw, cheekbones and eye sockets are far too small for my skull(I am far sighted and have migraines bc of small eye sockets and have had terrible trouble with teeth in upper jaw). I have basically been conspired against by the medical community in order to save money(people with craniofacial deformities might need treatment for skull pressure etc, treatments cost money).
I pretty much agree with everything you say. And yes, almost all people who say they are ugly are average or even slightly above average. Everyone I have come across at other forums writing TONS of posts about their ugliness an so on have been atleast average. Some of these people have BDD but many are, like you say, just people with no perspective in life who wish they had the perks of really good looking individuals. One of them, whom I swapped pictures with, claimed he was extremely ugly and a virgin. He turned out to be like a 6/10 lookswise, and when i pressured him he admitted he wasn't a vrigin but said he felt like one becasue "none of the girls I have slept with have been good looking enough"............
I think the stigma have been deliberately put there by the powers that be, to stop people from questioning the world. I could go on i depth about it but it would be very long. But the motivation for the stigma goes as deep as can be, it's a part of the control system/matrix.
Deformed people are also so few that it can't be used in political agendas, such as race is being used all the time to divide and rule(by calling people that question the political agenda racists). There are laws for discrimination based on ethnicity(except wasp's), but there is no law to protect us(and being deformed is worse than being black in 1930s america!) from discrimination and harassment.
I'm not surprised those so called help groups for disfigured people are in denial about it. Again it's deliberately made that way. And I have to say, all other deformed people I have come across have been in denial. I even wrote some posts about my experience being deformed on some youtube videos put up by deformed individuals, and my posts were deleted - it was too much truth to handle, they want to continue living in false hope. I also wrote a couple of times on official videos put up by the chanell that produces "the undateables", and within a couple of weeks those videos were removed(they had been up for several years before i wrote my comments so it was hardly a coinscidence).
I feel that my situation is extremely rare - being deformed and not in denial. Others in such a situation would have taken their lives a long time ago, but my empathy is too high. I live but only because of compassion for my family. I can see the chain of events that would happen if I would kill myself and I can't do it. A lot of wheight on my shoulder for sure, when I can't live but can't kill myself... catch 22.
Last edited by facelikeabanana; 05-08-2017 at 04:37 PM..
I do have a depression diagnosis, and OCD. And I know it would be much easier having a diagnosis like "aspergers syndrome" or something to get disability pension. But I don't want a diagnosis that I don't recognize myself at all in. I could have faked aspergers and gotten that diagnosis but I want people to understand the REAL reason for my social alienation, if I had faked aspergers people around me could continue living in denial of the real reason (my mom is in severe denial about the looks situation) and I don't want that. It's annoying when people project things about your personality based on looks i.e negative halo effect. So I would definitily not want an inaccurate diagnosis just for money.
I agree with the confidence thing. People just get angry if an ugly, or even worse, deformed person is confident. I'm confident so I know. They just want you to be a downthrodden, quiet pawn in the bottom of social hierarchy and have no opinion about anything. You are not allowed to be yourself if you are ugly or deformed.
Yeah, I'm part of that marginalized group you're describing. I have never officially been labeled deformed by a doctor, but psychologists I have seen have agreed that my face is not normal, but their oponion does not officially count. I think it's because my craniofacial deformity don't fall into any of the craniofacial deformity diagnosises that exist, like crouzons syndrome and other known craniofacial deformities. My bone strucural hypoplasia is however just as severe as in someone with crouzons or even more, my upper jaw, cheekbones and eye sockets are far too small for my skull(I am far sighted and have migraines bc of small eye sockets and have had terrible trouble with teeth in upper jaw). I have basically been conspired against by the medical community in order to save money(people with craniofacial deformities might need treatment for skull pressure etc, treatments cost money).
I pretty much agree with everything you say. And yes, almost all people who say they are ugly are average or even slightly above average. Everyone I have come across at other forums writing TONS of posts about their ugliness an so on have been atleast average. Some of these people have BDD but many are, like you say, just people with no perspective in life who wish they had the perks of really good looking individuals. One of them, whom I swapped pictures with, claimed he was extremely ugly and a virgin. He turned out to be like a 6/10 lookswise, and when i pressured him he admitted he wasn't a vrigin but said he felt like one becasue "none of the girls I have slept with have been good looking enough"............
I think the stigma have been deliberately put there by the powers that be, to stop people from questioning the world. I could go on i depth about it but it would be very long. But the motivation for the stigma goes as deep as can be, it's a part of the control system/matrix.
Deformed people are also so few that it can't be used in political agendas, such as race is being used all the time to divide and rule(by calling people that question the political agenda racists). There are laws for discrimination based on ethnicity(except wasp's), but there is no law to protect us(and being deformed is worse than being black in 1930s america!) from discrimination and harassment.
I'm not surprised those so called help groups for disfigured people are in denial about it. Again it's deliberately made that way. And I have to say, all other deformed people I have come across have been in denial. I even wrote some posts about my experience being deformed on some youtube videos put up by deformed individuals, and my posts were deleted - it was too much truth to handle, they want to continue living in false hope. I also wrote a couple of times on official videos put up by the chanell that produces "the undateables", and within a couple of weeks those videos were removed(they had been up for several years before i wrote my comments so it was hardly a coinscidence).
I feel that my situation is extremely rare - being deformed and not in denial. Others in such a situation would have taken their lives a long time ago, but my empathy is too high. I live but only because of compassion for my family. I can see the chain of events that would happen if I would kill myself and I can't do it. A lot of wheight on my shoulder for sure, when I can't live but can't kill myself... catch 22.
There are a lot of average people who are angry about being average because they want to date or sleep with attractive people. That's completely different from being ugly. But to most people they will never meet an actual ugly person. They may never come across anyone who has a facial disfigurement in their lifetime either.
Well, I am not sure I agree that it is a conspiracy type of denial, I think the denial just comes from humans not feeling comfortable admitting that they are mean to people for something they were born with. Just like with gay people, and minority races.
I don't think most disfigured people are in denial either, it just just easier for some people to accept,or be accepted based on their overall appearance, their location, and their social support. It can be hard to tell someone they are ugly, or disfigured because there is so much stigma to being ugly.
Although I do think that by denying it due to being unable to provide financial help for plastic surgery, it makes people feel better. By telling someone they can't help the person change their face, they need to give them hope by saying it doesn't matter if they look abnormal.
I saw something in an article that talked about people's hesitance to admit it, but I can't find it now. If I can, I will post an image of something I read before and saved.
I can't. I will try to upload it somewhere and link to it.
"She argued that research might have been different if society were 'not so enamored of the idea that because a person's appearance ought not to make a difference, it does not.'"
Denial because no one wants to admit that appearance matters on the unattractive side. There are even people who can't accept that attractive people have extra benefits just for how they look, but it is different than people being treated poorly due to their appearance.
Here's another image, unfortunately I forgot to save where I got these from. Books online.
I do suggest you contact the groups I mentioned, and just tell them about your disfiguring conditions, and ask if they can help you. Please update if you do contact them, let me know if they were able to offer any sort of support.
I'm not sure I understand what you're saying about the YouTube comments. What did you comment?
Thanks, but I have no interest in support groups. I also don't live in North America either but in scandinavia.
My life is over and have been for long, I just hope to get my disability pension so I atleast can rid of that financial stress. I will live for some years more then I will end it. I only write to put the truth out there and channel some frustration.
Yes, denial comes from humans not wanting to admit to themselves that some unlucky people have their life ruined because of how they look. They don't want to ruin their false view of the world as a nice place so they say these plattitudes and even attack ugly peoples peronalities(so they can lie to themselves that its the ugly persons PERSONALITY that have made them socially excluded and not their looks) . But there is also a force that deliberately pushes the agenda that "looks don't matter" and such. They are happy to keep people in their denial so that they don't start to question the world that we live in. And like I said, you can see the difference between the rights of gays and race minority people(those groups you can use for political agendas as I said) and the (non existent) rights of disfigured people. So there IS a conspiracy going on regarding the looks thing, 100%.
Another example : whenever you see disfigured people in talk shows and such, they're ALWAYS ridiculously positive and deny the negative influence their looks have on their lives. Someone like ME would NEVER be have been chosen for a talk show special about disfigured/deformed people. They chose these extreme-in-denial disfigured people on purpose because it suits the agenda.
I wrote my story on some youtube videos, a couple of them being videos that british channel 4 had uploaded on youtube, videos from their show "the undateables"(a show that has some deformed people in there) - My comments recieved some attention and likes so they removed the videos because my comments don't suit the "looks don't matter" - agenda that they push. Like I said, those videos had been up for about three years prior to my comments and was removed within a couple of weeks after i wrote my comments.
I also wrote my story on a couple of videos deformed people had uploaded, and they removed my comments after saying that they respect my opinion but they disagree with me. They are in denial. And all deformed/disfigured people I have come across have more or less been in denial - not nescessarily as deep in denial as those who gets chosen for TV programs though...
It annoys me that deformed people are so downtrodden and in denial. Had they been like me, facial deformity would have been an official disability long ago. Society owes me and that's the attitude deformed people should have!
If you are ugly and confident you also become more of a target. Like "why is this ugly person so confident? They're inferior."
Agreed. And if you're ugly and you're not confident then it's because of self-pity and bitterness. God forbid someone be resentful over the fact that they've been bullied and ostracized socially for something they had no control over.
This thread shows just how ridiculous people are. The fact that someone could feel so bad about themselves because of how they look. We worship attractive movie stars while important scientific research goes unfunded. Says a lot about the human species.
I realize that we are programmed to 'fit in' and belong, some of us more than others, but my advice to everyone out there is to be glad you're not accepted by or acceptable to the majority of people. If you were, then that would mean that you are just as self serving and shallow as the rest.
As for me. I like people who are caring, kind, strong, compassionate, courageous ..... looks are very secondary to me and I'm willing to bet that there is a subset of people who feel the same way, you just have to go and find them.
- Free cosmetic, dental and orthodontic surgery for those who qualify =How would something like this be funded???
- Free mental health counseling
- More focus on anti bullying
- Anti discrimination laws to protect people
- For those who choose not to live, assisted suicide How would something like this be funded?
In a perfect world I wish all of this could be FREE to all without anyone having to pay but because we know this doesn't happen...one would have to have a lot of money to do all the necessary surgeries one might need.
Also when people say 'it's what's inside that counts' well it really is the truth because no matter how one looks on the outside..it's your soul and character as a human being on the inside that really counts when you die.Of course most people don't think like that BUT it really is what counts because you're not going to live forever so it's better to have a good moral caring compass then not in the end.
I know how impractically idealistic this is, but what if we stopped thinking of people who look different as being broken and in need of fixing, and instead fixed our primitive need to ostracize them? That would at least remove the cultural insult from the injury. People would look the same, but they could have some peace and move on with their lives.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I will try to upload it somewhere and link to it.