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Whatever kid...all I know is, we each get ONE life to live - ONE.
Living it well and in good emotional health is paramount.
But you are certainly free to choose to do otherwise.
Best of luck with that.
I am ok with the way i am. And if i could make a difference in anyone's life for better then i would not die in regret...
This is my goal and one of my reason to study further...
Society and its rules does not define me or my purpose in this life,
You can only give them pain and more pain by telling them about such problems. They are happy and that is what makes me happy.
You know, its better to suck it up all than to being a burden on someone for whatever reason. And its my life to live.
And i am mature enough to understand how sucking it up all can save you all the trouble and pain you would probably give to your loved ones...
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
It's also not an emotionally healthy choice.
I happen to agree on this one. 'Sucking up/burying/suppressing' any emotion will only lead to problems. Remember my fight with depression for 10 years? I wouldn't want to see you deal with something like that, or its inverse--anxiety.
Quote:
Originally Posted by princewilla
Imagine ( god forbid) if you are diagonsed with cancer would you be wanting your loved ones to cry for you and see you in pain all the time ?
I for one would have wanted them to go on and not cry because of me.
But what about your loved ones and their wishes? To see you one more time, even if it meant on your deathbed. To show you love, even if behind teared eyes. Pain and loss is part of the human existance, and part of the grieving process. To deny people of the grieving process hurts them more, which is the opposite of what you want to do.
Like the yin-yang, all of the facets of human life--good and bad--make up life. Without it all, we are not whole. And nothing can change that. We are hard-wired this way. Trying to go against this design causes self-inflected mental wounds that take years to heal.
I happen to agree on this one. 'Sucking up/burying/suppressing' any emotion will only lead to problems. Remember my fight with depression for 10 years? I wouldn't want to see you deal with something like that, or its inverse--anxiety.
But what about your loved ones and their wishes? To see you one more time, even if it meant on your deathbed. To show you love, even if behind teared eyes. Pain and loss is part of the human existance, and part of the grieving process. To deny people of the grieving process hurts them more, which is the opposite of what you want to do.
Like the yin-yang, all of the facets of human life--good and bad--make up life. Without it all, we are not whole. And nothing can change that. We are hard-wired this way. Trying to go against this design causes self-inflected mental wounds that take years to heal.
Hey mate, i have already faced worst thing an OCD can offer and its getting better now, so i am optimistic about that.
Loved ones ?
I have lost my uncle to cancer and saw him in pain. That pain had nothing to do with his suffering but to see his loved ones crying in pain because of him. I cried but never in front of him. I cringe in pain but never jn front of him. After his death i was lost and my OCD took me over and then rest was history.
Was my Ocd not enough to give me wounds ? Physical pain does not compare.
This part of me who search and google in internet is the one i hate and does not want it in real life and that is why i don't think about it in real life, nor do i want to talk about it to anyone.
Hey mate, i have already faced worst thing an OCD can offer and its getting better now, so i am optimistic about that.
Loved ones ?
I have lost my uncle to cancer and saw him in pain. That pain had nothing to do with his suffering but to see his loved ones crying in pain because of him. I cried but never in front of him. I cringe in pain but never jn front of him. After his death i was lost and my OCD took me over and then rest was history.
Was my Ocd not enough to give me wounds ? Physical pain does not compare.
This part of me who search and google in internet is the one i hate and does not want it in real life and that is why i don't think about it in real life, nor do i want to talk about it to anyone.
I'm glad.
How did your uncle feel when you reacted this way (If he was still 'all there')? I lost a very dear grand aunt to brain cancer. She couldn't talk anymore when I saw her, but she had regained conciousness when she knew I was there. You should have seen the tears in her eyes. She was happy to see me, even if like this.
But the source of your ocd is still unknown. That's the type of wound that a tramatic emotional experience can affect.
How did your uncle feel when you reacted this way (If he was still 'all there')? I lost a very dear grand aunt to brain cancer. She couldn't talk anymore when I saw her, but she had regained conciousness when she knew I was there. You should have seen the tears in her eyes. She was happy to see me, even if like this.
But the source of your ocd is still unknown. That's the type of wound that a tramatic emotional experience can affect.
I have no idea and I don't want to talk about it
I don't know why I had my Ocd but I can't do anything about it......
I want to share something with you though,
Yesterday I was talking to my friend who wants to leave his girlfriend.
I asked him " Why do you want to leave her, how bad she would feel ? ". I was feeling really bad for her as she seem to love my friend very much . I explained to him about how much she loves him, how much he mean to her and all that .
He then took me in the corner and said " Look, your believes does not work in real life. A girl would never love you like you love her, she would put you in the dark when you least expect it. Rarely would you find a woman who would want to stick by you till the end. "
I was confused , so I asked " How do you know ? ". He said " Their emotions change in a minute. Why do you think she was so upset when I didn't bought her a gift in her birthday and made a huge issue out of it ? ". I was puzzled. He continues " Because a girl care more about money than anything else, she would ditch you in cold if you failed to provide her benefits " . I thought " Should I show him this thread " then thought " no way". He continues " Never ever fall in love with a woman. Yes, hang out with them, have sex, kiss each other but for your betterment and future never let it proceed further. "
My friend's girlfriend made a huge issue about a simple gift even though she never bought a thing for my friend in their 2 years of relationship.
I was baffled but deep down I knew it was true otherwise laws like Briffaults law and others would have never existed the first place which says the same thing.
Research shows that men fall in love faster, and way harder than women do. And, research done by the well respected Anthropologist Helen Fisher, also shows that MEN are far more idealistic about love and relationships than women are. Are you surprised?
Anyway its all good. Nice talking to you mate, thanks for understanding. This part me who wants to love a woman would slowly die out one day and its for my own betterment..
And i would rather die than to tell my parents about my Ocd. I want to see them happy, not sad and depressed because of me. But as i said earlier , you would not understand me. Nobody do.
How were you diagnosed with OCD as a minor without your parents' knowledge? Did you actually see a medical/mental health professional, or did you a quiz online?
And in your friend's example, you don't have to be a golddigger to be upset that your boyfriend of two years doesn't acknowledge your birthday. Your friend sounds like a jerk at worst, and a terrible boyfriend at best (but of course it's her problem, right?)
I haven't read all the posts here but to address the original post; My husband and I have just had our 22nd anniversary. He has panic/anxiety disorder and major depressive episodes. I have PTSD. Any relationship takes work but we've managed to raise two children who are now wonderful adults. We talk openly about such things as mental health and illness, we all know that everyone needs help now and then and there is no shame in our mental status. We've found our strength by learning to lean on each other. We're stronger together than we ever could be apart.
Don't give up on the idea of a relationship. Be honest with the person you may find to love and good luck.
Princewilla, I am still following your thread and the more I read the more I understand, and wish that I could reach you to help in some way. As I read the thread I see a subtle transformation in you. I know you still have the same feelings, but I also see that you are starting to understand that there can be good women in good relationships, like Samir and his wife. Women are individuals, just like you and Samir, and we really should not be lumped together. There are many good women, but you have not had enough varied experiences yet to allow you to let down your guard and start to see them for who they really are. And I think your negative suspicions towards them tend to scare them off.
Most people really do want a happy life and some find it with a partner, and some find it without one. That's okay. Not everybody has to be married or have children. Your desire to help people is admirable and I think that if you could find an outlet for that, such as volunteering at a hospital or nursing home, it would fill a part of your heart and make you happy.
I do think the intensity of your sexual attraction to women may calm down A LITTLE after you leave your teen years behind, it's not something that has to be acted upon anyway. I think your OCD just has it repeating on a loop in your head and that's what makes it so unbearable. There ARE treatments, such as anti-anxiety medications, that can help with OCD. A good therapist can also give you tools to combat the obsessive thoughts, as Samir mentioned. No one thinks you're mad, that's not what a counselor or therapist is for. We are talking about someone you talk to for an hour once or twice a week, someone who will listen and offer tools to help you help yourself. We just know that many others have been helped with this problem and wish that we could help you to see that help is available to you at no cost through your college student health center, if you will accept it.
Edited to add: Your friend's girlfriend didn't want money, she wanted her boyfriend to show that he was thinking of her and wanted to please her. It's not the value of gift, it's the thought that goes into it. Your friend is a terrible source for advice on women, He doesn't know ANYTHING about women. (I do because I am one).
Last edited by TheShadow; 12-15-2013 at 08:12 AM..
No, his views are fine, it only bothers you because if all men went in his direction women would be all alone and have to fend for themselves. He's not hurting anyone, he's only protecting himself by boycotting the very system that is set up to rob and pillage him.
The OP is a wise young man, and by going his own way, he won't wind up like any of these poor guys:
Exactly, this is why I mentioned the parable of the poisoned well. Just because it appears more people have a different oppinion than the OP, they label him as needing help or having a problem. Most people are taught unconsciously that the majority rule and what most people believe or think is more likely to be correct than the minority.
I think the OP exhibits wisdom. Rather than follow blindly what everyone else is doing, he is questioning it. The facts are out there, dirty laundry that previously was only washed in private is now public and one can learn a lot. I think it is foolish to ignore statistics, current (bias) legislation and to merely repeat the foolish actions of other men who were too brain washed or lustful to see their mistakes.
Some one commented about there being millions of women out there and that you only needed to find one but we all know how that is likely to go.
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