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I was confused , so I asked " How do you know ? ". He said " Their emotions change in a minute. Why do you think she was so upset when I didn't bought her a gift in her birthday and made a huge issue out of it ? ". I was puzzled. He continues " Because a girl care more about money than anything else, she would ditch you in cold if you failed to provide her benefits " . I thought " Should I show him this thread " then thought " no way". He continues " Never ever fall in love with a woman. Yes, hang out with them, have sex, kiss each other but for your betterment and future never let it proceed further. "
My friend's girlfriend made a huge issue about a simple gift even though she never bought a thing for my friend in their 2 years of relationship.
I was baffled but deep down I knew it was true otherwise laws like Briffaults law and others would have never existed the first place which says the same thing.
I think someone or both of them were emotionally unavailable in that relationship. If it was only one of them then the other person just followed. Emotionally unavailable people live in a constant state of paranoia where they feel that if they show any emotions they will be labeled as weak. For other people giving a gift it's just a display of appreciation, but for the emotionally unavailable person giving a gift it's an act of weakness so they will do anything possible to avoid it or downplay it(ex giving same gifts to others who mean less to them)
So regular people enjoy giving gifts because they enjoy making the other person happy, emotionally unavailable people are troubled by the idea that they will look vulnerable or that their feelings won't be reciprocated and can never really enjoy sharing any moment because their ego is so sentitive they need to keep it guarded 24/7.
OP Is it possible you are also an emotionally unavailable person? Maybe you have an avoidant personality disorder?
I think someone or both of them were emotionally unavailable in that relationship. If it was only one of them then the other person just followed. Emotionally unavailable people live in a constant state of paranoia where they feel that if they show any emotions they will be labeled as weak. For other people giving a gift it's just a display of appreciation, but for the emotionally unavailable person giving a gift it's an act of weakness so they will do anything possible to avoid it or downplay it(ex giving same gifts to others who mean less to them)
So regular people enjoy giving gifts because they enjoy making the other person happy, emotionally unavailable people are troubled by the idea that they will look vulnerable or that their feelings won't be reciprocated and can never really enjoy sharing any moment because their ego is so sentitive they need to keep it guarded 24/7.
OP Is it possible you are also an emotionally unavailable person? Maybe you have an avoidant personality disorder?
I used to be a very emotional person but I live in a society where men are forbidden to show emotions. A man who is sensitive or emotional is considered weak and not real man. So yes, I rarely show emotions to anyone. Not because of my ego but the fear of being ridiculed by people ( I used to get bullied when I was a kid because I was overly emotional) .
Anyway, by your logic most men should have this disorder as they rarely show emotions to anyone ?
How were you diagnosed with OCD as a minor without your parents' knowledge? Did you actually see a medical/mental health professional, or did you a quiz online?
And in your friend's example, you don't have to be a golddigger to be upset that your boyfriend of two years doesn't acknowledge your birthday. Your friend sounds like a jerk at worst, and a terrible boyfriend at best (but of course it's her problem, right?)
I talked about it to many doctors online, read articles about OCD and researched this topic for months. It was not easy for me to accept it but atleast I finally knew why I was like that. So my parents never got the chance to understand what was bothering me and as long as I live I would never put any glinpse of sadness in their face because of me and my problems.
As for my friend. He wishes her, greeted her but didn't bought gift because of some money issues but she still got mad. Last time I checked, she never did anything like that for my friend but he never got upset about it. Anyway. Its all cool........
I have no idea and I don't want to talk about it
I don't know why I had my Ocd but I can't do anything about it......
I want to share something with you though,
Yesterday I was talking to my friend who wants to leave his girlfriend.
I asked him " Why do you want to leave her, how bad she would feel ? ". I was feeling really bad for her as she seem to love my friend very much . I explained to him about how much she loves him, how much he mean to her and all that .
He then took me in the corner and said " Look, your believes does not work in real life. A girl would never love you like you love her, she would put you in the dark when you least expect it. Rarely would you find a woman who would want to stick by you till the end. "
I was confused , so I asked " How do you know ? ". He said " Their emotions change in a minute. Why do you think she was so upset when I didn't bought her a gift in her birthday and made a huge issue out of it ? ". I was puzzled. He continues " Because a girl care more about money than anything else, she would ditch you in cold if you failed to provide her benefits " . I thought " Should I show him this thread " then thought " no way". He continues " Never ever fall in love with a woman. Yes, hang out with them, have sex, kiss each other but for your betterment and future never let it proceed further. "
My friend's girlfriend made a huge issue about a simple gift even though she never bought a thing for my friend in their 2 years of relationship.
I was baffled but deep down I knew it was true otherwise laws like Briffaults law and others would have never existed the first place which says the same thing.
Research shows that men fall in love faster, and way harder than women do. And, research done by the well respected Anthropologist Helen Fisher, also shows that MEN are far more idealistic about love and relationships than women are. Are you surprised?
Anyway its all good. Nice talking to you mate, thanks for understanding. This part me who wants to love a woman would slowly die out one day and its for my own betterment..
I understand. And don't give up on your ocd! I thought I was destined to be depressed forever, but once I realized that it just a perception issue, life changed!
Your friend and his girlfriend definitely had some serious issues in their relationship. And we all do. Right now, my wife and I have been fighting for two days about money that our previous apartment complex has that they need to return to us. It's not going to be an easy process, and I'm not mentally ready to tackle it right now. And she keeps holding onto the thought of that money to the point it is causing dysfunctionality in our life. So, does this mean I should ditch her? If she is no longer want I want, then that could be my decision. But I'm commited to her, as is the case in marriage. I will never leave her, no matter how bad life might get. And after 20 years, this commitment is what is a source of great strength for couples. That's marriage, from my understanding of it, and it's what I want. It's not for everyone though, and definitely not for the faint of heart.
I never heard of Briffaults Law before this thread, and I just read up on it. It's a very interesting clause, but I think it's a little out of context. The law refers to the animal kingdom and that would imply a very primitive human society. We've moved into a much more complicated and diverse society now. While some of the underpinnings of the law might exist in certain societal structures, I think it is now only a minor effect on the overall state of relationships, versus the guiding premise.
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
And in your friend's example, you don't have to be a golddigger to be upset that your boyfriend of two years doesn't acknowledge your birthday. Your friend sounds like a jerk at worst, and a terrible boyfriend at best (but of course it's her problem, right?)
Acknowledging a SO's birthday doesn't always involve buying something. If she was upset she didn't get a 'present', then that's classic goldigging. If she was upset that he didn't even acknowledge her birthday or was remourseful that she was upset, that's a justifyable state of mind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow
Women are individuals, just like you and Samir, and we really should not be lumped together. There are many good women, but you have not had enough varied experiences yet to allow you to let down your guard and start to see them for who they really are.
Most people really do want a happy life and some find it with a partner, and some find it without one. That's okay. Not everybody has to be married or have children. Your desire to help people is admirable and I think that if you could find an outlet for that, such as volunteering at a hospital or nursing home, it would fill a part of your heart and make you happy.
I do think the intensity of your sexual attraction to women may calm down A LITTLE after you leave your teen years behind, it's not something that has to be acted upon anyway. I think your OCD just has it repeating on a loop in your head and that's what makes it so unbearable. There ARE treatments, such as anti-anxiety medications, that can help with OCD. A good therapist can also give you tools to combat the obsessive thoughts, as Samir mentioned. No one thinks you're mad, that's not what a counselor or therapist is for. We are talking about someone you talk to for an hour once or twice a week, someone who will listen and offer tools to help you help yourself. We just know that many others have been helped with this problem and wish that we could help you to see that help is available to you at no cost through your college student health center, if you will accept it.
Mental health care ?
So you guys think i mad or some sort ?
Cool then. I was here for an advice and all i got is people bragging about how i have problems, how i am weird and bla bla bla.
...
How would you have felt if you were in my position and asked this question ? Would you have appreciated such responses ?
We've given such responses to other posters, some have appreciated it, and have done into therapy. We're not qualified to diagnose and suggest treatment for your issues, which are pretty major, and deep. That's the point. You're not getting it.
I used to be a very emotional person but I live in a society where men are forbidden to show emotions. A man who is sensitive or emotional is considered weak and not real man. So yes, I rarely show emotions to anyone. Not because of my ego but the fear of being ridiculed by people ( I used to get bullied when I was a kid because I was overly emotional) .
Anyway, by your logic most men should have this disorder as they rarely show emotions to anyone ?
I was in the same boat as you. I was a 'cry baby' who would cry when I did something wrong at school, because I wanted to be good. Now that I think about it, I guess that's where my suppressing of emotions started. And I guess as I grew into the difficult teenage years and the battery of new emotions that come with that, I started suppressing so much that it started causing problems with my psyche. See, this is the type of stuff you learn in therapy! Therapy can happen anywhere!
A lot of men have different outlets for emotions, most of which turn to anger or violence. Why do most men watch action movies? It's a great way to project any internal anger or emotions. Working out, being a jerk, being rude, drinking heavily as a passtime, womanizing--all various outlets for pent up emotions.
Quote:
Originally Posted by princewilla
I talked about it to many doctors online, read articles about OCD and researched this topic for months. It was not easy for me to accept it but atleast I finally knew why I was like that. So my parents never got the chance to understand what was bothering me and as long as I live I would never put any glinpse of sadness in their face because of me and my problems.
As for my friend. He wishes her, greeted her but didn't bought gift because of some money issues but she still got mad. Last time I checked, she never did anything like that for my friend but he never got upset about it. Anyway. Its all cool........
This is somewhat how I diagnosed my diabetic neuropathy. But I also did go to a professional to confirm it and find out more about it from the professional side. I'd highly recommend that as it may bring you new insights on how to better understand and deal with it, if not eliminate it altogether.
If she got mad like that and didn't appreaciate the thought, then I wonder if she loves him, or what he does for her. There are women that can't tell the difference. (I've met my share of them.)
I cannot believe this post is being entertained still.
Its not OCD (or anything else you want to label it) its called too much time on your hands, fill it up with something productive!
I might need to start a threat titled, " how to kill my active threads from around the forum forever".
Unless you have Ocd you have no clue how is it like. Sometimes you feel like death is far far better option, but you have to obviosuly move on as there are people who love you and care about you. Anyway I was not here for pity party, so I apologize for that.
Productive like what ?
I donote blood every month, help poor in anyway I can. So far its going great. Obviously I have restrictions because I am still a student but you would never find such threads again from me again. I would vanish from internet forever. And that is why I guess I invested it a lot more than I oroginally thought,
You have every right to start any thread you would like to start
I haven't read all the posts here but to address the original post; My husband and I have just had our 22nd anniversary. He has panic/anxiety disorder and major depressive episodes. I have PTSD. Any relationship takes work but we've managed to raise two children who are now wonderful adults. We talk openly about such things as mental health and illness, we all know that everyone needs help now and then and there is no shame in our mental status. We've found our strength by learning to lean on each other. We're stronger together than we ever could be apart.
Don't give up on the idea of a relationship. Be honest with the person you may find to love and good luck.
Glad you guys are doing so great still. Its always nice to read stories like this.
I wish I could be that strong to face such internal fears,,
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