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I had no problem with my Ocd when i was a kid because it was mild. It got severe after 15. It was so bad that i used to lock myself up in room for whole day and sometimes cry, sometimes throw things up, sometimes vent my anger on others. I was in pure hell and i was not sure if i could even survive. I had so many issues regarding this. I pretty much wasted 1 year in extreme pain and frustations but after learning about my problem i finally had PEACE. Atleast when unwanted thoughts hit me i no longer think " Why this is happening to me, am i born to suffer etc " but " Oh so you again, buddy ( my ocd), i am not in right mood to have a conversation with you"
What you said was moving and you are really lucky to have a wife like her and so does she. Its wonderful to know about your life story and the way you deal with your depression which hampered your life. It makes me believe that happy endings real.
Success is sweet you said. What sort of success that may be ?
I am amazed with your theory about shades of grey though. You have explained it so effortlessly. Time is a some a fascinating thing , i never thought i would be asking this question here some years back but people change with time
But one thing is certain " I never wanted to become a person i am right now ". I used to see the positive in people but now negative far outweighs the positive. My vision has blurred and i think that is the reason i does not seem like a typical 18 year old.
I don't know what i actually think about women though. I have conflicted ideas about that. So, i think i better just leave this topic as it is.........
The only thing which makes me genuinly happy is to make people happy, to help them, put smile on their face, help poor etc. My OCD does not bother me when i do that. Infact it gives me Pleasure, a sense of purpose and most importantly a belief that i am not a bad person
You said its never too late but i think i was never late to begin with. If i do change one day, then maybe i would consider it......... But as for now , i have no idea.
Wow, the teenage years sounded hellish indeed. But see that technique you learned about when your ocd comes up? That's the type of techniques you learn in therapy. For me it was about questioning my negative feelings for validation. Feelings are feelings and can't be altered, but if a feeling is based on a false premise then I could alter it. I found this technique extremely valuable and now use it unconsiously. Most people develop this naturally, but I didn't. I found it through therapy, which is fine by me.
I used to not believe in happy endings. I expected to live my life alone (and I was fine with it), but when I was able to marry who I consider someone I'm honored to just have in my life, moreless as my wife, it turned my ideas around. It does take hard work at times, no doubt, but there is something wonderful in life for all of us, whatever that may be.
Success in a relationship. Success in the happy ending that we both want to believe in, but sometimes doubt because of the world around us.
I'm like you too. I love helping people. It's the one thing that truly does make me genuinely happy when people appreciate it. But what I've learned in this life is that most people take advantage of people that genuinely give. So you end up becoming empty after giving all of yourself and getting not even appreciation in return. I've learned to not waste time on people that won't be grateful in the end. It's a bit selfish, but that is important. Because as you wisely said earlier in this thread--"You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose."
What I meant by never too late is that it doesn't matter if you don't figure all this out until you're 60. People think that life can't happen after a certain age. I'm living proof that it can--I'm 38 and I feel like I'm in my late 20s. I just got married even when my friends have two kids by now. But I'm truly happy, and that's what matters.
Based on my experience ( both in and out of internet ) it seems like women in general don't see any worth in their men after they have kids. Things like child support, alimony and welfare system act as a fuel to further the fire. I saw a documentary where women only need men for 5 years. It's during that time when the infant can't walk and mommy can't leave the house. After baby turns 5, she moves on. Apparently that's our nature.
I am actually a 18 year old and the things i have been exposed to like briffaults law, MGTOW, views of many women on men etc in internet make me hate the institution of marriage, fatherhood and love.
Why should i even bother ?
I always stay away from women, totally avoid them, no unnecessary conversation and no friendship with them. I have decided to stay single throughout and never to date or marry and stay virgin too.
But may times i feel extremely attracted to women. I get feeling that women are so special and the best creation ever. Then i feel irritated n depressed sometimes. I remain happy most of the time but sometimes this feeling gets me. And no I don't hate women or anything.
My actual question is How to totally overcome and kiill my feelings, attraction towards women forever?
There must be a way.
You are never going to get rid of the sexual/romantic feelings you have towards women, because, as a male, your body was biologically designed to seek out different women and have sex with them. I'm sure you could surgically remove your testicles which would drastically cut down on the attraction you have for women, but that's very extreme, and you need testosterone in your body to stay healthy.
If I were you, before you rule out women altogether, try traveling overseas and meeting the women in other countries. Women in other counties are vastly different then American women, and in other counties the laws are more fair and equatable to men who wish to raise a family.
Another solution is to only have sexual relations with escorts where it is legal to do so. There is just no other way to get around wanting sex other then to have sex to get it out of your system.
There is just no other way to get around wanting sex other then to have sex to get it out of your system.
For me it just seems like that makes me want more. Think about coupling that with ocd for a second and the op might find himself in the inverse of his dilemma.
T levels would be my guess. I am black so I naturally have higher Testosterone levels. However you said you were a virgin. Theres whats going on. Find a way to have sex and you will have some understanding. You can't knock it until you try it. You will know for sure after you have sex how you feel about it all. You need experience upon the subject matter before you can make conclusions. I don't recommend a hooker unless your venture for sex with a partner takes like a year of trying. In fact, don't ever try a hooker. The motions will be robotic and unenjoyable. There has to be some intimacy between partners for good sex. This intimacy turns to love for the beta male, so be careful. But without the intimacy, you might as well be jacking off lol.
This is because you're taking about American escorts. The OP should go to Brazil, or Thailand, where a sex worker will treat him like a boyfriend and he will get the best sexual experiences of his life.
You are young and you just need to change your ill view of women. After that you are able to be happily attracted with your SO Hear what those women are saying who are in love with their husbands
No, his views are fine, it only bothers you because if all men went in his direction women would be all alone and have to fend for themselves. He's not hurting anyone, he's only protecting himself by boycotting the very system that is set up to rob and pillage him.
The OP is a wise young man, and by going his own way, he won't wind up like any of these poor guys:
Based on my experience ( both in and out of internet ) it seems like women in general don't see any worth in their men after they have kids. Things like child support, alimony and welfare system act as a fuel to further the fire. I saw a documentary where women only need men for 5 years. It's during that time when the infant can't walk and mommy can't leave the house. After baby turns 5, she moves on. Apparently that's our nature.
I am actually a 18 year old and the things i have been exposed to like briffaults law, MGTOW, views of many women on men etc in internet make me hate the institution of marriage, fatherhood and love.
Why should i even bother ?
I always stay away from women, totally avoid them, no unnecessary conversation and no friendship with them. I have decided to stay single throughout and never to date or marry and stay virgin too.
But may times i feel extremely attracted to women. I get feeling that women are so special and the best creation ever. Then i feel irritated n depressed sometimes. I remain happy most of the time but sometimes this feeling gets me. And no I don't hate women or anything.
My actual question is
How to totally overcome and kiill my feelings, attraction towards women forever?
There must be a way.
You could always just get a vasectomy. If you follow your doctors instructions that should keep you from reproducing. And then feel free to date women but don't ever get married.
Your comment reminded me of the parable of the poisoned well. This guy has clearly left the Matrix, I think it is the others that need the therapy, not him.
Sometimes I see therapy as reconfiguring a processor built to feed the eyes and mind lies because it malfunctioned causing them to see the truth.
However, if you want to give up on everything at the age of 18 it is your choice, just do not blame anyone but yourself in 5, 10, 20, 30 years when you are not happy, alone, lonely, and miserable because you have no one special in your life, which is YOUR current choice.
Give up on everything?
You do realise just how many people are lonely, alone and unhappy who are married or have a partner. So many people fail to realise that no one but yourself can make you happy, whether you are with some one or not. All of what you described can only truly be gained from within, no partner can provide that.
I think society has made people think they can't be happy unless they are in a relationship or have a SO. One can be very happy and fulfilled both with or without another but people are too afraid to be alone or end up alone.
I guess this is the way of thinking that occurs when people are too heavily invested on the physical as opposed to the inner self and the spirit. There is also much confusion between loneliness and solitude.
You're 18. Do you already know how to be an engineer? You've probably read about it, looked at some videos and forums. So could you walk into an office and start work at a professional level?
Probably not.
Same goes with mature relationships. You don't know anything without years of experience.
The wise man learns not only from his own experience, but from others as well. I have given advice to people who have a had a lot more relationship experience than I have and they couldn't understand how I knew so much that they did not yet know. They even commented to this effect.
Unfortunately, I think due to the casual sex culture, the high sexual partner numbers that are so widely accepted and even defended on and offline, the promiscuous activities of both genders, the poor legal climate, the levels of STD's and many other factors, it does not take a genius to see how unattractive dating and relationships can be in this day and age.
People even struggle to find others who have never been promiscuous or have values about sex that don't involve threesomes or sleeping around.
In this day and age, I think there are higher chances of meeting a person who has slept around in the past than someone who has not. So many people are so frivolous with their bodies.
Maybe back in the day, there may have been more chances of meeting decent people who were discerning and didn't see sex as a competition.
When one reaches a certain age, they no longer need to place their hand on the fire in order to know that it will burn.
I think society has made people think they can't be happy unless they are in a relationship or have a SO. One can be very happy and fulfilled both with or without another but people are too afraid to be alone or end up alone.
I agree with you on this. I was very happy and content with my single life. And I expected to be single for the rest of my life before I met my wife.
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Think about coupling that with ocd for a second and the op might find himself in the inverse of his dilemma. 
Hear what those women are saying who are in love with their husbands 