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I can relate very well. Been working a $9 an hour dead end retail job for the past 15 years after graduating high school.
Dropped out of a commutter CC after a few months due to failing a remedial math course and lost interest altogether.
No friends, never had a girlfriend. Was bullied a lot in my youth. My only "friend" was a guy I roomed with in a dump apartment. He didn't pay his end and we both got evicted and I ended up living in the back of a Ford Bronco for a few months.
I have no skills, talents, or special abilities.
No aspirations at all other than sitting alone in my room browsing the internet or playing games. I'm in my mid 30's doubt I can really change anything at this point.
My life is a cakewalk in comparison to a lot of others. I look at my co-workers who try to raise families or live beyond their means on 9-12 bucks an hour and I'm glad I ain't them. Not sure why people choose to start families or "live big" without acquiring the appropriate income first.
Never been officially diagnosed with any mental disorders other than ADHD and a learning disability but I'm sure I got loads of others.
I can relate very well. Been working a $9 an hour dead end retail job for the past 15 years after graduating high school.
Dropped out of a commutter CC after a few months due to failing a remedial math course and lost interest altogether.
No friends, never had a girlfriend. Was bullied a lot in my youth. My only "friend" was a guy I roomed with in a dump apartment. He didn't pay his end and we both got evicted and I ended up living in the back of a Ford Bronco for a few months.
I have no skills, talents, or special abilities.
No aspirations at all other than sitting alone in my room browsing the internet or playing games. I'm in my mid 30's doubt I can really change anything at this point.
My life is a cakewalk in comparison to a lot of others. I look at my co-workers who try to raise families or live beyond their means on 9-12 bucks an hour and I'm glad I ain't them. Not sure why people choose to start families or "live big" without acquiring the appropriate income first.
Never been officially diagnosed with any mental disorders other than ADHD and a learning disability but I'm sure I got loads of others.
Man, you sound just like me. I'm in my mid-30s with no friends, never had a girlfriend, was bullied as a kid, academically dismissed from school, and diagnosed with ADHD at 6. And I've spent the last 15 years at the same dead-end job. I also wonder how my co-workers can even afford their smoking habits let alone support families on our paltry wages. I barely scrape by and I have an extremely low-cost lifestyle.
That sucks that you had to drop out of CC because you couldn't pass a remedial math class. I still don't see what relevance math has in everyday life and don't know why schools require a minimum competency for that subject. I'm sure you wonder how your life might have been different had you been allowed to continue your schooling. I've read a few of your other posts, and you seem like a bright guy who has just been dealt a difficult hand. I feel, like you, that I have no skills, talents, or special abilities to offer the world either, and I agree that it's gonna be tough to change. But I'm determined to try to change and encourage you to do so as well unless you're happy with where you are in life.
Truthfully, despite our low pay, flaws and perceived lack of worth, we're just as valuable as anyone else. Seeking mental health treatment could be a new start on life for us. We obviously have things going on in our heads that we owe to ourselves to check out. It might just be good to get some diagnoses to make sense of things.
One trick you can employ without therapy is the rubber band on wrist. Commit to yourself that you will "catch" your own negative thinking and pop the rubber band to interrupt it and try to redirect it by talking back to yourself with positive self talk.
Also, setting up your life so you have routines/structures/means to take good care of yourself, minimize stress and maximize comfort/pleasure. Whatever problem areas you have commit to fixing them one at a time. Breaking them down into small tasks if they seem overwhelming. Accomplishing things that need to be done and also take care of you at the same time will give you a sense of satisfaction.
Alternatively, if you are very rigid in your day to day life making a change can make a big difference in how you feel. Something as simple as taking a different route to work can alter your outlook for the day.
While I understand the agoraphobia try not to let it become more entrenched. Usually, the best way to deal with this is to push yourself to do what you fear. Try tying going out to a reward for yourself....something you see as a treat. If crowds bother you go earlier or later in the day.
But, as others have said....just try one thing a day, one step at a time and you will feel better.
Even without using a rubber band, just immediately stop and say to yourself, "No, that is not right. I AM (a good person, capable of making friends, able to care for myself, or whatever is the opposite of your negative self-talk)". Say it each and every time you say or think a negative thought about yourself. It does work. Try it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maniac77
I agree with your assessment. I think I suffer from depression as well. I haven't received a clinical diagnosis. However, about a decade ago, I went to a biofeedback nurse to treat my ADHD. According to her, there was no evidence of ADHD at all. An analysis of my brainwaves indicated depression instead.
I have Asperger's Syndrome coupled with Avoidant Personality Disorder so the ear infection and bug problem were caused by own inaction. If I would've chosen the easy preventative action of cleaning my ears daily, I wouldn't have gotten the ear infection. And if I would've cleaned my apartment more often than once every six months, I wouldn't have gotten bugs. It's me not caring enough about myself to take care of myself or belongings that's the undercurrent of all my problems. And seeking help from a mental health professional will definitely be a step in the right direction because it shows I care enough to try to right the ship.
As far as meds go, I appreciate your perspective, but I'm very reluctant to take them. I took Ritalin for 17 years to treat my ADHD, and I firmly believe in the long run that it did more harm than good. I have no way of proving it, but it seems like it fried my nervous system or something. My mom also suffered from depression and took medication to treat it with bad results. Part of me thinks medication is such a cop out because even if my thoughts are overwhelmingly negative I still want to be my authentic self all the time. I would prefer a much more natural approach to solving my plethora of mental health issues that would address the problems. But yes, I realize it might be necessary to take medication at some point in order to cure my chemical imbalance and improve my life.
Thanks so much for your advice! It was helpful!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondy
Did your mom ever find a medication that helped her? If so you might want to start with that.
Also, do you have anxiety? Sometimes/probably lots of times, anxiety and depression go hand in hand. The anxiety can be more debilitating than the depression even if its mild. On the plus side, the drugs to treat that usually don't have as many intolerable side effects. I wouldn't give up on meds. Sometimes it takes several different tries to find the right one. The key is not to stick with one too long if its not helping.
Sometimes the first medication works and sometimes it takes months of trial and error to get the best medication for you. Also, medications have dramatically improved in the last 5 to 10 years, so even if your mom couldn't find the right one you probably will be able to do. Sometimes being on medication for a year or two can get a person set on the right path. Going on medication doesn't mean that it has to be forever.
With Obama care you should be able to afford counseling and medication. One friend of mine is ecstatic because she had to go off of one of her main medications because it cost $700 a month AND her medical plan did not pay for any mental health care (she had to switch plans six months ago). A $5,000 deductible and it didn't cover any mental health care or medication, what crappy insurance.-----Sheesh, I'm glad that she made it this past six months.
She has an appointment with her psychiatrist on January 2 and is very, very excited that to be able to start talking her much, much needed medications. Check out the new insurance coverage for low income adults you may be pleasantly surprised.
You guys are only in your 30's. Even to this 23 year old you're not that old. In fact guys in their 30's seem to have the best of both worlds as in more maturity but are still young enough to appreciate things like video games . It's not too late for you to turn your lived around and find love. It's not like you're in your 50's or something and men often don't age as quickly as women do and can be new dads well into their 40's and beyond. I have issues with depression and anxiety too but sometimes you've got to see it for what it is. Make the changes now so that you're not posting the same thing here when you're 60.
I remember reading that suicide is the most punishable of all deaths in the afterlife and that had a heavy influence on my thinking.
Not to give you any ideas, but that is wrong.
What happens is this:
Everyone has their measure of existence on earth, aka life, as determined by ones destiny. Most folks stay within that time period pretty close. It's not really like in that movie, when you run out of your time and you die. Death is very complex procedure that requires a lot of "gears" to match in the fabric of reality, to occur. It can be hastened or postponed, but only to a certain extent.
When a human makes a conscious decision to part with the physical world, destiny does not change. X amount of physical time is still alloted to a particular human.
After voluntary death, aka suicide, True Self of that human can not move on with the 12 stages of its progression through earthly existences, until that time, allotted by destiny, is "used out". Hence, what you may call a "soul" is staying between the physical realm and the Realm of Permanence, for what that allotted portion is left.
There is quite a decent visualization of such condition, in movie What Dreams May Come, when main character wife commits suicide and is staying in such a state.
Btw, there are no "punishments" in afterlife. Leave those superstitions to those who try scare naive and children. There is just payment for what one committed during a particular existence, but it is not a punishment and serves one goal - to purify soul so that it can enter the state of complete rest and happiness, in the Realm of Permanence, before it is called for another existence.
Not to give you any ideas, but that is wrong.
What happens is this:
Everyone has their measure of existence on earth, aka life, as determined by ones destiny. Most folks stay within that time period pretty close. It's not really like in that movie, when you run out of your time and you die. Death is very complex procedure that requires a lot of "gears" to match in the fabric of reality, to occur. It can be hastened or postponed, but only to a certain extent.
When a human makes a conscious decision to part with the physical world, destiny does not change. X amount of physical time is still alloted to a particular human.
After voluntary death, aka suicide, True Self of that human can not move on with the 12 stages of its progression through earthly existences, until that time, allotted by destiny, is "used out". Hence, what you may call a "soul" is staying between the physical realm and the Realm of Permanence, for what that allotted portion is left.
There is quite a decent visualization of such condition, in movie What Dreams May Come, when main character wife commits suicide and is staying in such a state.
Btw, there are no "punishments" in afterlife. Leave those superstitions to those who try scare naive and children. There is just payment for what one committed during a particular existence, but it is not a punishment and serves one goal - to purify soul so that it can enter the state of complete rest and happiness, in the Realm of Permanence, before it is called for another existence.
Thanks for the clarification! It's so cool that you know what happens in the afterlife. It's true that I read about suicide being severely punished in the afterlife as a suicidal child, and it's stuck with me all these years. Well, since there's no punishment for suicide, I'm gonna go kill myself now. Just kidding.
You guys are only in your 30's. Even to this 23 year old you're not that old. In fact guys in their 30's seem to have the best of both worlds as in more maturity but are still young enough to appreciate things like video games . It's not too late for you to turn your lived around and find love. It's not like you're in your 50's or something and men often don't age as quickly as women do and can be new dads well into their 40's and beyond. I have issues with depression and anxiety too but sometimes you've got to see it for what it is. Make the changes now so that you're not posting the same thing here when you're 60.
Thanks for not thinking that I'm too old. I don't see myself as mature per se. My emotional age is 12, and I don't feel old. It's extremely hard to change only because I've been living this isolationist lifestyle for years, and my daily routine is very much who I am at this point. But you're right that I need to act now because as fast as time goes, I'll be 50 tomorrow. I'll probably want something to show for it. I don't think I'll ever be interested in starting a family, but a girlfriend and a good job would be great. Who knows though? Maybe therapy will remove the fog and open my eyes to the world. Maybe one day I'll have ambition for things I've never desired before.
Thanks for not thinking that I'm too old. I don't see myself as mature per se. My emotional age is 12, and I don't feel old. It's extremely hard to change only because I've been living this isolationist lifestyle for years, and my daily routine is very much who I am at this point. But you're right that I need to act now because as fast as time goes, I'll be 50 tomorrow. I'll probably want something to show for it. I don't think I'll ever be interested in starting a family, but a girlfriend and a good job would be great. Who knows though? Maybe therapy will remove the fog and open my eyes to the world. Maybe one day I'll have ambition for things I've never desired before.
It seems like you already know the answers so I don't even know if therapy would be with it. So what if you're young at heart? I still like cartoons, Nightmare Before Christmas and I'm a big console gamer. You don't need to change for anyone and I don't plan to either. Be glad you're not boring and conformist like many other people are.
Man, you sound just like me. I'm in my mid-30s with no friends, never had a girlfriend, was bullied as a kid, academically dismissed from school, and diagnosed with ADHD at 6. And I've spent the last 15 years at the same dead-end job. I also wonder how my co-workers can even afford their smoking habits let alone support families on our paltry wages. I barely scrape by and I have an extremely low-cost lifestyle.
That sucks that you had to drop out of CC because you couldn't pass a remedial math class. I still don't see what relevance math has in everyday life and don't know why schools require a minimum competency for that subject. I'm sure you wonder how your life might have been different had you been allowed to continue your schooling. I've read a few of your other posts, and you seem like a bright guy who has just been dealt a difficult hand. I feel, like you, that I have no skills, talents, or special abilities to offer the world either, and I agree that it's gonna be tough to change. But I'm determined to try to change and encourage you to do so as well unless you're happy with where you are in life.
Truthfully, despite our low pay, flaws and perceived lack of worth, we're just as valuable as anyone else. Seeking mental health treatment could be a new start on life for us. We obviously have things going on in our heads that we owe to ourselves to check out. It might just be good to get some diagnoses to make sense of things.
Most of my issues stem from living a highly sheltered and sanitized life in the suburbs of a small town for 20+ years. I have yet to experience "real life" but sometimes I wonder if "real life" is just a mental construct created by one's own personal experiences.
No real skills and I am very socially retarded and unable to deal with people.
I seriously doubt CC would have helped anyway. I have been offered management opportunity at my retail job (it's a revolving door) and have turned it down multiple times. I figured since I don't want a management position there is no point even going to college. I'm clearly not cut out for STEM, nor am I willing to move to a high COL big city.
Your post made me laugh. You claim to be socially retarded, but they want to make you a manager at your retail job. This sounds exactly like my job. In my job it seems like it's a requirement for the managers to be socially retarded. I know that I could get a management position if I wanted one, and I have the social skills of a gnat. But that job would suck so bad that no one is interested in it.
I gotta say I envy you in a way. I wish I would've stopped my schooling after high school. I'd be in a much better financial position right now. Instead I went to a 4-year college, got a degree, and even did a year of law school. So, unlike you, I have this huge student loan debt to pay off. If I could turn back time, I wouldn't have gone to college. And part of the reason I want to get cognitive behavior therapy is so that maybe I can change my attitude and get a better job. I'm not looking to live high on a hog or anything. I just want a job that will pay me 20K or something. I applied for hundreds of jobs in my twenties and no one would hire me. And this is when the economy was good. So I need to make some changes.
Also, I want to get help simply because I say I'm ready to die and have never really lived (at least for the last 15 years of my life). There's something holding me back and it's me, but why am I holding me back? Maybe therapy can help answer that. Who knows?
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. It's not too late for you to turn your lived around and find love. It's not like you're in your 50's or something and men often don't age as quickly as women do and can be new dads well into their 40's and beyond. I have issues with depression and anxiety too but sometimes you've got to see it for what it is. Make the changes now so that you're not posting the same thing here when you're 60.
