What does being an ADULT mean? What are the criteria? What does being an ADULT mean to YOU? (narcissist, issues)

[BlerntForceTrauma]

Originally Posted by LLN

An adult is a person who has to fix the problem. The buck stops here.

My daughters and wife continually have problems I have to fix for them. I can't pass my problems on to someone. I have to solve them. I am the adult. They are not, regardless of age.

OBTW, it pretty much sucks to be an adult.

Since you mentioned "They are not, regardless of age.", would you then consider your wife a non-adult as you are continually fixing problems for her?

[Miss Hepburn]

Simply...having dealt with childhood issues so you are not
acting out or projecting onto others...like a brat.

You still have your inner child ... but you know it's place.

You are calm, fair, slow to judge...have the wisdom that you
do not know the whole picture ...ever...thus are humble.
You know that material things/ this temporary life is not all there is.

[mordant]

I was forcefully struck yesterday by the contrast between my stepson (age 22, and a Man In Full if there ever was one) and my stepdaughter (age 20, and an entitled, toxic, ruthless little s__t if ever there was one). I won't bore you with the details. The point is, I have known 12 year olds that can best 72 year olds in terms of maturity, wisdom, emotional intelligence, kindness, etc. Alas, there is nothing a 12 year old can do about lack of experience. But there are children I would kill to parent and parents I would just plain kill. Leave it at that.

So there's a big difference between legal adulthood (which, the law being a blunt instrument, must necessarily be arbitrarily defined as age 18 or 21 or some such) and adult behavior. An adult takes care of themselves and those dependent on them, and sets a good example in so doing. There are some people who will never manage it.

Good indicators of non-adult behavior in a person are blaming or holding responsible anyone but themselves, thinking that emotions are separate tangible things that just happen rather than one's internal responses that you have any sort of choice in how to respond to, and lack of ability to empathize with others.

[PanapolicRiddle]

Originally Posted by mordant

Good indicators of non-adult behavior in a person are blaming or holding responsible anyone but themselves, thinking that emotions are separate tangible things that just happen rather than one's internal responses that you have any sort of choice in how to respond to, and lack of ability to empathize with others.

Young children are often thought of as sociopathic; that's one of the reasons I never had any.

[191185]

i suppose you make decisions more long term. and like mentioned before owning up to your own decisions

[elyn02]

Originally Posted by mordant

I was forcefully struck yesterday by the contrast between my stepson (age 22, and a Man In Full if there ever was one) and my stepdaughter (age 20, and an entitled, toxic, ruthless little s__t if ever there was one). I won't bore you with the details. The point is, I have known 12 year olds that can best 72 year olds in terms of maturity, wisdom, emotional intelligence, kindness, etc. Alas, there is nothing a 12 year old can do about lack of experience. But there are children I would kill to parent and parents I would just plain kill. Leave it at that.

So there's a big difference between legal adulthood (which, the law being a blunt instrument, must necessarily be arbitrarily defined as age 18 or 21 or some such) and adult behavior. An adult takes care of themselves and those dependent on them, and sets a good example in so doing. There are some people who will never manage it.

Good indicators of non-adult behavior in a person are blaming or holding responsible anyone but themselves, thinking that emotions are separate tangible things that just happen rather than one's internal responses that you have any sort of choice in how to respond to, and lack of ability to empathize with others.

I agree with the indicators of non-adult behavior.

Recently, the daughter of a good friend of mine told her parents that she can do what ever she wants now that she was an adult. I wondered how I would respond if my daughter declared this to me. I guess my response would be, an indicator of adult behavior is realizing that you can't do whatever you want. But I believe that is something we try to drill into children when they are young but it is a lesson that is usually taught in a very direct way. So now I am thinking, how do I get my daughter thinking she can do whatever she wants now to realizing that she really can't, especially as an adult.

[GravityMan]

The OP's question is tougher than it seems. The most barebones answer is "when you turn 18", but even that varies depending on culture and society. When most people think of "adult" in a casual sense, or of someone who needs to "grow up"...they are actually referring to maturity or lack thereof. I.E. adult behavior.

An adult could possibly be described as someone who can take care of him/herself...but that may be unfair to people with certain mental defects that make self-sufficiency difficult or impossible.

A mature person...
- is responsible
- is empathetic
- is a good role model, sets a good example
- takes care of himself physically and mentally
- takes care of his property, loved ones and important personal and professional obligations
- is aware that the company he keeps (friends, dates, etc.) DOES matter - especially once career advancement, marriage and kids enter the picture
- usually does the right thing even if it's uncomfortable or difficult
- has a good grasp of time and place (when to goof-off, when to be serious, when to let out that "inner kid" of yours, etc.)
- is not cowardly
- has overcome or at least alleviated most of his insecurities
- has decent people skills, can put others at ease with icebreakers, humor, general friendly demeanor
- can interpret AND respect others' moods and body language
- can take a joke (i.e. isn't uptight)
- can handle interpersonal conflict in a non-escalating manner
- has a good balance between big picture and details (can see forest from trees and trees from forest) and is able to distinguish important "little things" from unimportant "little things". Has clear direction in life and doesn't get significantly sidetracked by petty things.
- has self-control over his emotions
- has self-discipline
- owns up to his actions and mistakes without pointing the finger at others and also without beating himself up


The bolded ones are the really important ones IMO. This person deals with things and moves on. This person also understands that many of the choices he or she faces in life are different shades of gray, and many have consequences.

Albeit rare, there are 13 and 14 year olds that meet most of the above criteria. (There are concerns about a kid "growing up too fast" but that's probably a different topic.) And there are 50 year olds (married w/ kids) that are still immature and have little or zero of the above...in the case of a guy he's usually considered to be a man-child. Some of the most successful people in the world are quite immature...certain Fortune 500 executives, actors and pro sports athletes come to mind.

I think many people become fairly mature between the ages of 25 and 30. Sometimes after a severe screwup or two that serves as a wake-up call. If a person hasn't gotten his act together by his mid 30s, then there's a good chance that he'll never truly "get it".

[texdav]

Basically adults have both legal under law responsibilities and in society. The law states when you are emancipated in your state by age unless certain disabilities preventing it.

[68551]

A lot of positive responses above and I agree with them all....
I truly thought I was an adult when I became of age &made decisions and took responsibility for the decisions I made (good or bad), was financially responsible, & successfully made my own way through life. The only thing that returned me to my childhood was after the death of my 2nd parent.....Somehow feeling like an orphan after they had both passed brought feelings I was totally unprepared for making me realize that I was not truly a grown adult until they were both passed away and I had the huge responsibility to carry on the many things that were beyond what money could buy.

[mordant]

Originally Posted by PanapolicRiddle

Young children are often thought of as sociopathic; that's one of the reasons I never had any.

That, and borderline personality.

I have seen kids run the gamut; random outcomes, too, where good parenting produces demon seed and bad parenting bounces off like teflon, resulting in wonderful human beings. Doing no harm is necessary to get the ball rolling but where it rolls from there is anyone's guess near as I can tell.