Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well, I am glad we can have an open and hopefully relaxed conversation about these topics. The more open and honest we are, while trying to be truly sensitive to others' experiences, the better off everyone will be.
OK - Paula Deen. Hmmmm, I have mixed feelings about her statements. For starters, she is old school southern - she went to school prior to integration and believe me, I grew up around these older folks who were racist - but in a weird sort of way - almost like they honestly had no idea because they actually had black friends and neighbors. They all grew up together interacting, even if they didn't go to school together, and everyone - black and white - had racist ideas and language. It was like total oblivion to how wrong their ideas were. I am sure that my white older relatives wouldn't want a hair on an AA child's hair harmed - in fact, my family was so entertwined with the black community that we would go to funerals in their churches, their baptisms, even their family reunions - and they were welcome to ours as well. But - NO MAKING BABIES AND NO GETTING MARRIED - that line was NOT to be crossed. Of course, integration changed all that, but these people grew up before integration. They just really DON'T GET IT.
I know this may be wrong, but I pretty much give them a pass. I don't like those outdated ideas, but unless they are hateful or rude about it, I just let it slide. After all, I have already messed up their day just by having biracial kids! All I ask of them is that they are respectful and polite and treat my kids well.
As for the hair issue with biracial kids - this can go both ways. My youngest daughter is married to a guy who is Italian, Panamanian and Puerto Rican. One of their daughters has silky, nearly perfectly straight jet black hair. It doesn't require any "black hair care products" and my daughter, who has very thick, curly (spiral curls) hair that looks basically African American is often at a loss with what to do with her oldest daughters' hair - she occasionally puts stuff in it that weighs it down and is just unnecessary.
When my girls were little, I washed their hair once a week and braided it or parted it into sections and let each section sort of naturally curl. They have pretty curly hair but my hair is also naturally curly so they got a double whammy of curl. Also my hair is thick and coarse and I only wash it about once every five days because it's also dry. So for me - their hair wasn't that hard to keep "done."
I've had several friends over the years with biracial and multiracial kids and they didn't seem to have a problem keeping their hair nice. There is a great line of hair care products called Mixed Chicks that both my daughters use and they also use those products on their kids' hair and it works great.
My oldest daughter's husband is white and their kids have MUCH different hair than my younger daughter's - and different skin tones too. They are very, very light complected and have brownish hair in loose spiral curls (one has dark brown hair, one has light brown hair and one has dark blonde hair in fact). My younger daughter's kids have much more AA influence in their hair, and my daughter likes to keep their hair as natural as possible. They have spirally curls too but they're a lot more pronounced and bouncy - they don't lay down at ALL for her two younger daughters (though her oldest daughter, like I said, has straight black hair like many Hispanics have).
We have a lot of red heads in our family. I can't tell you how relieved I am that none of my kids or grandkids got crazy, curly RED hair - LOL!
I know a lot of people who are fine with inter racial friendships but are not too keen about marriages.
Out of curiosity, I also wonder about the psychology of people who ONLY date outside their race, like Kim Kardashian's fascination with black men. Actually more or less that whole family except Kourtney.
I don't condone it but it seems unnatural to me. Then I always want to know if what people say about black men in the bedroom is true. I personally never tried but from the porn I saw, the equiment looked attractively sizeable if I can put it that way.
Strange enough I know a girl who broke up with a black guy & she was telling anyone who would listen that his equipment was ""normal"" sized & not the usual stereotypical size. At that point I wondered if it was the case of a woman scorned?
I know a lot of people who are fine with inter racial friendships but are not too keen about marriages.
Out of curiosity, I also wonder about the psychology of people who ONLY date outside their race, like Kim Kardashian's fascination with black men. Actually more or less that whole family except Kourtney.
I don't condone it but it seems unnatural to me. Then I always want to know if what people say about black men in the bedroom is true. I personally never tried but from the porn I saw, the equiment looked attractively sizeable if I can put it that way.
Strange enough I know a girl who broke up with a black guy & she was telling anyone who would listen that his equipment was ""normal"" sized & not the usual stereotypical size. At that point I wondered if it was the case of a woman scorned?
I wouldn't know - I have never limited myself to one race or ethnic group when I was dating, and neither have any of my friends so I've never picked the brain of someone who felt that way.
As for the "equipment" let's just say that I think quality trumps quantity any day - and there are men of quality in every race or ethnic group. At least that's my belief based on my rather limited adventures, and on those of my close friends. Women DO talk and compare notes. LOL.
My Caucasian wife and I (non-Caucasian) decided not to have kids. Race is definitely not the only reason or even the main reason but it did factor in. There is too much hostility against biracial children in Canada.
Unfortunately, even as adults, we still aren't close with them. I've never really thought about how they might have felt, or if they felt different or uncomfortable around us, which they probably did. I don't think it helps when people make them feel even more different by saying things like "mixed kids are so beautiful" or "biracial children are always gorgeous, they have the best of both worlds," etc. Not only is that separating the biracial child from their peers and making them feel either superior or just awkward and "different," it's degrading other children of one race. How is a biracial child more beautiful than a black child, or a white child? I think multiracial families can be loving, close, and successful families by embracing their differences and realizing that beauty comes in ALL colors and shades. That way, there wouldn't be the resentments that came to exist in my family.
I have noticed this too and find it so odd. I used to just think it was a black thing, then even on my parenting board and amongst my co-workers, it seems a lot of white women have mixed baby fever or something and they often go on and on about how attractive and exotic biracial children are. I just find it odd and unncessary. I understand some parents do it as a coping mechanism so their children don't feel lonely but I think it can cause more issues. My DH is also biracial and was raised hearing similar comments. He said some of his all black family members disliked him as a result but as an adult he's gotten to know them very well as they see he doesn't think he is better than anyone else. I just think those comments create a divide and can cause a person to have a superiority complex.
I don't understand how mixed race children are supposed to be fully accepted into society when some of their own parents go out of their way to make them feel unique and different from everyone else.
I have noticed this too and find it so odd. I used to just think it was a black thing, then even on my parenting board and amongst my co-workers, it seems a lot of white women have mixed baby fever or something and they often go on and on about how attractive and exotic biracial children are. I just find it odd and unncessary. I understand some parents do it as a coping mechanism so their children don't feel lonely but I think it can cause more issues. My DH is also biracial and was raised hearing similar comments. He said some of his all black family members disliked him as a result but as an adult he's gotten to know them very well as they see he doesn't think he is better than anyone else. I just think those comments create a divide and can cause a person to have a superiority complex.
I don't understand how mixed race children are supposed to be fully accepted into society when some of their own parents go out of their way to make them feel unique and different from everyone else.
Most parents - most loving parents, that is - "go out of their way" to help their children see what is so unique and talented and attractive about them. EVERYONE is "different from everyone else" in some ways - and everyone is also just like everyone else in some ways (we're human, we all respond to love, we all have fears, we all deserve respect, etc).
I never felt any sort of compulsion to tell my kids they were attractive as some sort of "coping mechanism." Of course I think my kids are beautiful and talented and all that - what parent DOESN'T look for what's the best in each of their children?
I mean, I get what you're saying in this sense - parents and teachers and other people in general shouldn't focus on a child's looks as what makes them worthy of praise or a more valuable person. Looks shouldn't be the focal point. Also, people shouldn't intentionally or thoughtlessly make OTHER kids feel less attractive by going on and on about how a particular child is SOOOOO attractive to them - we should all use common sense.
Here's how I see it as the mother of biracial kids and the sister of someone adopted from another ethnic group and the grandmother of an adopted child from another country - who looks different from his other siblings: Often people will use a child's looks as sort of a conversation starter. I mean, we've all done it, haven't we - haven't we all remarked at one time or another, to a stranger in a store, or a co worker or whatever about what we think is cute or pretty about their child?
Sometimes people have come up to me and started a conversation about my kids' beauty and then I find out that what they REALLY want to discuss is that THEY have a family member who married interracially, or who has a biracial child, or whatever, and they have something they want to ask about it - and the child is a conversation starter. Sometimes they have experienced or heard hateful things directed at interracial families, and they use the child as a conversation starter to actually SAY SOMETHING POSITIVE to me - as if they feel the need to undo damage caused by other prejudiced people. That sort of thing.
I just let it go. Honestly, why do people get so crunk about this stuff? I don't focus, and never have focused, on my kids or grandkids' looks as what makes them "special." It's character that counts! And I usually point that out - if a stranger comes up to me in the checkout line and says, "Your little girl has such beautiful skin/hair/whatever" I usually say, "Well, thank you! And she's been such a sweet girl today - she's been so good at the store, and she's going to help me put up these groceries when we get home too - she's so helpful!" or something like that.
I have noticed this too and find it so odd. I used to just think it was a black thing, then even on my parenting board and amongst my co-workers, it seems a lot of white women have mixed baby fever or something and they often go on and on about how attractive and exotic biracial children are. I just find it odd and unncessary. I understand some parents do it as a coping mechanism so their children don't feel lonely but I think it can cause more issues. My DH is also biracial and was raised hearing similar comments. He said some of his all black family members disliked him as a result but as an adult he's gotten to know them very well as they see he doesn't think he is better than anyone else. I just think those comments create a divide and can cause a person to have a superiority complex.
I don't understand how mixed race children are supposed to be fully accepted into society when some of their own parents go out of their way to make them feel unique and different from everyone else.
There is an element of biracial worship that seems to be happening on a different level.
Two young white women in my office are on a quest to have biracial black babies but nearly all of their conversations surrounding the issue are rather cringe-worthy. I just nod my head in silence, leave my thoughts to myself and keep it moving.
So what type of exxotical mixtures does everyone find pleasing to the eye. I keep hearing ""mix babies are so cute""
IMO I like them in this order:
White exxoticals eg Angelina Jolie, all white but she looks like she is mixed with something. Goddess meets white.
white and black mixture: They tend to be the brownest so no tanning needed in life you cant beat that. Plus their look is most exxotical with greatest contrasts eg brown skin but light eyes
Blasian: Also brown but with ""nicer"" hair than the above. I know all is hair is nice yada yada but seeing we are on this topic you cant avoid talking about this.
Least favorite- White + Asian: IMO they always look PURE Asian, not really mixed so it defeats the purpose of being mixed. I think its because Asian eyes are extremely dominant.
CD what y'll think? Please don't overthink this, lets keep it fun & light hearted
Last edited by angrymillionaire; 01-08-2014 at 03:57 PM..
Sorry - I'm not going to rate kids by what I think is the cutest "mixture." And sorry, but I find the term "exxotical" to be absolutely abhorrent.
No one I hang out would even know what that term meant. And I've never met anyone "on a quest to have an exxotical or mixed baby." Of course, I'm 51 - and I am pretty particular about who I hang out with as well. I just don't think I could relate to anyone with that mindset.
I haven't known that many, but the ones I have known are pretty happy well adjusted families. But they were also Christian homes, people who actually went to church and try to live their faith.
So what type of exxotical mixtures does everyone find pleasing to the eye. I keep hearing ""mix babies are so cute""
IMO I like them in this order:
White exxoticals eg Angelina Jolie, all white but she looks like she is mixed with something. Goddess meets white.
white and black mixture: They tend to be the brownest so no tanning needed in life you cant beat that. Plus their look is most exxotical with greatest contrasts eg brown skin but light eyes
Blasian: Also brown but with ""nicer"" hair than the above. I know all is hair is nice yada yada but seeing we are on this topic you cant avoid talking about this.
Least favorite- White + Asian: IMO they always look PURE Asian, not really mixed so it defeats the purpose of being mixed. I think its because Asian eyes are extremely dominant.
CD what y'll think? Please don't overthink this, lets keep it fun & light hearted
"Fun and light hearted"? What an INCREDIBLY offensive post. (I thought your earler post wondering about the size of black men's "equipment" was offensive enough, but this one was even worse. Good God!!)
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
