Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have a theory. I think a lot of people like to start fights and engage in drama online because they're not just bored but they're lonely and feel bereft of any real emotion, so even 'negative' emotions to them are better than nothing. In fact we thrive on drama, we enjoy hating others and thinking we're right, at least some of us and probably most of us at some time. If we didn't enjoy arguing so much that those controversial threads or posts wouldn't be so long would they? I'm distinguishing this from 'civilised' debate, mind you, but in that too there is an element of intellectual one-upmanship.
I also think that being angry with others is a sort of intimacy, because we're connected to that person, we're invested in them. That's why love/hate are two sides of the same coin, and why some people say that they'd rather be hated than just ignored.
One could call it 'seeking conflict to connect.' Your thoughts?
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
8,863 posts, read 10,249,173 times
Reputation: 6666
A friend of mine has been a Special Ed teacher for over 30 years, and she's often commented on how a lot of her "clients", especially the ADD & ADHD ones, would frequently'self-medicate' with adrenaline & serotonin, by whipping up some sorta provocative "drama"!
BTW, dunno if it's a "chicken or the egg" issue, but a lot of "underclass" folks in particular often seem to have similar 'impulse-driven' behavior patterns (usually undiagnosed), but which still get 'em in trouble with the law in adulthood.
A friend of mine has been a Special Ed teacher for over 30 years, and she's often commented on how a lot of her "clients", especially the ADD & ADHD ones, would frequently'self-medicate' with adrenaline & serotonin, by whipping up some sorta provocative "drama"!
BTW, dunno if it's a "chicken or the egg" issue, but a lot of "underclass" folks in particular often seem to have similar 'impulse-driven' behavior patterns (usually undiagnosed), but which still get 'em in trouble with the law in adulthood.
I have a theory. I think a lot of people like to start fights and engage in drama online because they're not just bored but they're lonely and feel bereft of any real emotion, so even 'negative' emotions to them are better than nothing. In fact we thrive on drama, we enjoy hating others and thinking we're right, at least some of us and probably most of us at some time. If we didn't enjoy arguing so much that those controversial threads or posts wouldn't be so long would they? I'm distinguishing this from 'civilised' debate, mind you, but in that too there is an element of intellectual one-upmanship.
I also think that being angry with others is a sort of intimacy, because we're connected to that person, we're invested in them. That's why love/hate are two sides of the same coin, and why some people say that they'd rather be hated than just ignored.
One could call it 'seeking conflict to connect.' Your thoughts?
I think a lot of online "drama" comes from the nature of the communication medium itself. The fourm postings/emails- now facebook etc... anytime a written message is communicated the receiver has a great chance in mis interpreting the meaning of what was written. Tone can not be communicated as well and can skew the message to the negative depending on the receivers state of mind, experience with the topic of discussion, or relationship with the fella on the other end of the line.
Then there is always the need to be recognized, as you said, ' rather be hated than ignored ' , or as the famous would have it ' no press is bad press as it is better to be talked about than not talked about at all!'
I would draw a comparison to physical connection/contact.
I can't recall where I read this idea, though-
it said that some people (unconsciously) participate in rough contact sports in part to get the physical contact with other people
(not in a sex-type way, but just to be able to feel the edges of their own body in space, by colliding with other people & things).
I can't speculate as to how true that is for some folks, some of the time-
or whether it's an attempt to compensate for a lack of physical intimacy elsewhere in a person's life.
My point is only that it makes sense, on a certain visceral level, for human creatures to seek congress of some sort with each other-
be it enabled by combat/sport or conviviality/drunken affections.
Can intellectually comprehend that there would be some folks who sometimes may prefer to get "negative" attention (offense & opprobrium)
when/if they feel unable to garner any "positive" attention (support & appreciation).
I think a lot of online "drama" comes from the nature of the communication medium itself. The fourm postings/emails- now facebook etc... anytime a written message is communicated the receiver has a great chance in mis interpreting the meaning of what was written. Tone can not be communicated as well and can skew the message to the negative depending on the receivers state of mind, experience with the topic of discussion, or relationship with the fella on the other end of the line.
Then there is always the need to be recognized, as you said, ' rather be hated than ignored ' , or as the famous would have it ' no press is bad press as it is better to be talked about than not talked about at all!'
That's true. I think things can escalate more easily online because there aren't the usual reservations. The worst that can happen in an online fight is well, feelings get hurt (usually), whereas in real life there's the possibility it could get physical.
I would draw a comparison to physical connection/contact.
I can't recall where I read this idea, though-
it said that some people (unconsciously) participate in rough contact sports in part to get the physical contact with other people
(not in a sex-type way, but just to be able to feel the edges of their own body in space, by colliding with other people & things).
I can't speculate as to how true that is for some folks, some of the time-
or whether it's an attempt to compensate for a lack of physical intimacy elsewhere in a person's life.
My point is only that it makes sense, on a certain visceral level, for human creatures to seek congress of some sort with each other-
be it enabled by combat/sport or conviviality/drunken affections.
Can intellectually comprehend that there would be some folks who sometimes may prefer to get "negative" attention (offense & opprobrium)
when/if they feel unable to garner any "positive" attention (support & appreciation).
Interesting, I think that makes sense. While I generally do not like thick crowds, there's something about being in the middle of a mosh-pit or a big crowd at a concert, even if it's incredible uncomfortable: claustrophobic, heavy sweaty bodies colliding into you, the deafening noise, that's liberating. Unlike in normal situations it's no big deal if you make contact with someone.
I have a theory. I think a lot of people like to start fights and engage in drama online because they're not just bored but they're lonely and feel bereft of any real emotion, so even 'negative' emotions to them are better than nothing. In fact we thrive on drama, we enjoy hating others and thinking we're right, at least some of us and probably most of us at some time. If we didn't enjoy arguing so much that those controversial threads or posts wouldn't be so long would they? I'm distinguishing this from 'civilised' debate, mind you, but in that too there is an element of intellectual one-upmanship.
I also think that being angry with others is a sort of intimacy, because we're connected to that person, we're invested in them. That's why love/hate are two sides of the same coin, and why some people say that they'd rather be hated than just ignored.
One could call it 'seeking conflict to connect.' Your thoughts?
I don't see love/hate as two sides of the same coin- moreso love/apathy
I think some people seek conflict to connect, because they get a rise out of seeing how people react but I don't think people generally like conflict- it's rather petty and mind-wasting.
Perhaps we now live in a very sensationalized culture that thrives on drama and mindlessness.
I tend to glaze over drama. Stupid $hit when there are FAR more interesting things in life to engage in.
I don't see love/hate as two sides of the same coin- moreso love/apathy
I think some people seek conflict to connect, because they get a rise out of seeing how people react but I don't think people generally like conflict- it's rather petty and mind-wasting.
Perhaps we now live in a very sensationalized culture that thrives on drama and mindlessness.
I tend to glaze over drama. Stupid $hit when there are FAR more interesting things in life to engage in.
Well maybe a large minority thrives on it, but I feel it gets most of us going from time to time. But yeah, in general I avoid conflict too. I have enough INTERNAL conflict to worry about conflict with other people lol.
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
8,863 posts, read 10,249,173 times
Reputation: 6666
^ ^ Yeah, have even seen some posters here who've actually come out and said that in a social gathering, they really prefer it when some folks get agitated and upset, because a least they can tell how those people feel! BTW, isn't that kinda behavior also a lot of what drives online 'trolls'?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
