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I don't think there is ever an excuse to be harmful and mean with the intent to hurt someone and belittle them. If someone can't control their anger they are not emotionally stable. I can't live peacefully in that type of environment walking on eggshells. Fearing and being afraid of retaliation. Life is too short.
If you're angry enough, you may try to manifest those emotions into a chain by which you can twist your foe's ankles so that they too stumble. I say opponent because anger sails to confrontation, and one seldom takes the mind-frame of comrade in bouts of challenge. Now, if we begin from the presumption that humans are inherently evil, it stands to reason that in combat one's goal is not just to wound, but to kill. Anger is thus the vehicle by which we find not truth, but a weakness in our prey. For a stranger, we will turn our gaze to societal norms, or seek aid from the vessels of appearance to divine what is lacking. Strike thee venom! Make hate mine bed maiden!
Words of anger are meant to harm. The harm may come fro ma truth or it may not. But what is said need not be the true thoughts. For truth should extend beyond the moment and to all of time. This is why "drama" is something fools crave. A fool does not think. A fool does not internalize. A fool let's the moment take them; the guide of the fool hates truth for they do not know it.
So here is another of these abstract relationship questions that I think about a lot.
So my 'ex' with the anger problem - he would have these bursts of anger, and in these bursts (in the early days when I tried to participate and fight back, these could last for hours) he would say the most devastating things. But then, the next morning, he acted as if he had never said them and his words and actions were inconsistent with what he had said. (You know, he should have never married me, he never wanted a child, etc.). Yes, I know this is a very abusive pattern - that's why I'm 600 miles away now!
My question is (and I don't want to limit it to the above, because this is something that has perplexed me with a lot of people): when people say things in anger, are they typically showing their true feelings or can this just be, you know, just what they say when they are annoyed and out of control? It seems to me that another twist is that sometimes there is a control issue - like if I say something that knocks you off your feet, then I will win the fight and you can't fight back (or whatever).
Does anyone have any thoughts on this? I guess it's similar to my other perplexing question: if someone reveals a bad side (like with yelling, I hate yelling), have they revealed their true selves, even if 99.9% of the time they are lovely and charming?
PS - I'm sorry, I am running out the door, will check in later
Personally I believe every action or thing done had to be created or thought of in the mind first. So yes, I do think things said in anger are the persons real feelings. I think people tend to hide some of their feelings under the surface and when they feel attacked or on the defensive you tend to see these things come out.
People who are mean and say terrible things that they apologize for later are just plain abusive. Personally I never feel the need to say mean things even when I am upset.
People who have the need to strike out and harm are emotionally unstable. They have issues.
Words of anger are meant to harm. The harm may come fro ma truth or it may not. But what is said need not be the true thoughts. For truth should extend beyond the moment and to all of time. This is why "drama" is something fools crave. A fool does not think. A fool does not internalize. A fool let's the moment take them; the guide of the fool hates truth for they do not know it.
Actually I think "words of anger" are often said because of extreme irritation or stress. Sometimes the angry person zeroes on someone's tender spot, but he or she is simply spouting off. I do think that what is said often can reflect real thoughts, but sometimes the hurtful thing isn't premeditated.
A case in point is the anger of some demented people, who feel so stressed and overwhelmed by their own declining powers, they strike back in anger, often making hurtful statements. Yes, they are wounding people around them, but I think they are doing this less to hurt, and more because of their fear.
There is a difference between "the truth" about someone or something, and Truth.
Ok I don't agree with some of the stuff said..I get very angry sometimes put I have to be pushed and pushed and then I blow up..I try so hard in the beginning stages of the argument to make it right..It's usually me that does something wrong but I didn't mean to do it..I apologize and say now that I know how he feels about it, I won't do it again..I truly mean it..It's usually something about him that I say to another person but not something bad..he has problems with personal stuff. I am more open..But When this happens I apologize over and over and it just doesn't seem to do any good at all..hes mad at me for it and just keeps pushing and pushing at me about the same thing over and over..I get so mad after he keeps pushing...I know I say things I do not mean..sure its things I have thought about but never meant to do anything about..and at the time I am saying these things I think I mean the things i say.. once I get angry and start saying things THEN he wants me to calm down and then it's good that I apologized..but then i am past control and yell and yell..but afterwards probably the next day..I know I didn't mean the things I said...and there I am again apologizing and trying to make it right
I have had relationship situations like this where no amount of apology will accomplish anything and I have learned to just remove myself from the situation before it escalates. I have also informed people in my life who are prone to this that I will do that if they will not resolve things in an argument. Because honestly if I stay with it, I just get verbally abused and the next day it's like nothing happened and in fact if I am still emotionally gutted over it, it's me that's being immature or whatever. It's Kafkaesque and maddening. I just don't participate in that kind of thing anymore. I have no desire to be the one who's awake half the night being devastated only to find out they "didn't really mean" what they said. Yeah right.
I have had relationship situations like this where no amount of apology will accomplish anything and I have learned to just remove myself from the situation before it escalates. I have also informed people in my life who are prone to this that I will do that if they will not resolve things in an argument. Because honestly if I stay with it, I just get verbally abused and the next day it's like nothing happened and in fact if I am still emotionally gutted over it, it's me that's being immature or whatever. It's Kafkaesque and maddening. I just don't participate in that kind of thing anymore. I have no desire to be the one who's awake half the night being devastated only to find out they "didn't really mean" what they said. Yeah right.
Exactly. Totally with you. If things can't be discussed with civility I would rather everyone do what they need to do to chill and talk about it another time. I too have suffered all night anxiety laden replays trying to make sense of things and I do not like it at all! Life is too short.
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