How do you deal with anger? (anxiety, feelings, people, everything)

[GreenMachine]

I am really angry today. I'm not angry at one particular thing, but I'm angry at lots of different small things. I feel like I'm pissed off at about five different people right now for things they did in the past or have just done now. I'm imagining scenarios where I call them up on the phone and give them a piece of my mind. In general, I am just really pissed off.

However, we all know that anger can beget more anger. And telling people off doesn't necessarily help. It can make things worse. It can make those angry feelings inside grow.

Life is unfair. People do really stupid idiotic things. I know this. But how to I calm myself down? I am screaming mad right now. I just looked in the bathroom mirror and saw fire and smoke shooting out of my nostrils. Not a good sign.


Greenie

[MSJones]

Are you alone? If so, let 'er rip. Start talking out loud and saying the things you'd say to those folks' faces if you could. Really get after it - let the cuss words fly, throw some pillows, just have a little tantrum. That generally works for me and makes me feel a lot better. If you can't express it out loud, sometimes writing it down helps.

But I much prefer the *&^&# method - say it loud and proud and get it off your chest.

[GreenMachine]

I don't like to yell and scream. I think anger begets more anger. I think I am a danger to myself and others when I am angry.

I am going to take a walk and feed carrots to the horses.

Greenie

[katie45]

The anger you're describing is way over the top, and even worse if you are not able to control it, put it in perspective, work thru it and move on.

Yes, other people can be frustrating, but there is nothing you can do about them, you can only control yourself.

Is this just an isolated incident or do you get angry often? It's definitely not beneficial to you in any way to get that upset, especially since it ends up controlling you. You mentioned about events in your past that are still festering...only you can make peace with those ghosts, and either forgive them or yourself and let it go.

A lot of anger stems from fear, but I'd have no idea what if anything in your life may be causing that.

Physical exercise is supposed to be a good way to vent frustration and negative stress...take up running or working out some way...do yard work, wash and wax the car...etc. But if you are harboring anger from the past, all the exercise in the world won't elimnate that problem.

[I LOVE NORTH CAROLINA]

I pray and read the Bible.

[GreenMachine]

I just took a long drive in my car and listened to Christmas music loudly over the stereo. It was nice and foggy out tonight. I feel much better.

I get angry often, but I try to ride it out rather than act it out...

[jessiegirl_98]

Originally Posted by GreenMachine

I am really angry today. I'm not angry at one particular thing, but I'm angry at lots of different small things. I feel like I'm pissed off at about five different people right now for things they did in the past or have just done now. I'm imagining scenarios where I call them up on the phone and give them a piece of my mind. In general, I am just really pissed off.

However, we all know that anger can beget more anger. And telling people off doesn't necessarily help. It can make things worse. It can make those angry feelings inside grow.

Life is unfair. People do really stupid idiotic things. I know this. But how to I calm myself down? I am screaming mad right now. I just looked in the bathroom mirror and saw fire and smoke shooting out of my nostrils. Not a good sign.


Greenie

I actually run anger management groups with inmates.....
Here is the structure of the class:
First, figuring out what anger is (defining etc).
Then, moving into their childhoods, how they learned about anger, how they were treated, etc. (also discussing the models they are for their own children)
Then, talking about positive and negative aspects of anger (how anger doesn't always equal aggression; anger can be good...think of advocates who change lives because they are angered by situations)
Then, moving into why they are angry (keeping a log, etc). Working on forgivingness (have to write a forgivness letter...not send it though(
And then managing anger.

It sounds like you are wanting to figure out how to manage the anger, but to do that, you really do need to sit down and think as to why you are so angry. Are you overwhelmed with life? Unhappy at work? Had a bad childhood? Have you always been really angry? And then move from there.
Really, you need to learn to accept that you can't control other people. They do these really stupid things, but ask yourself, "why are you letting it affect you?" "what does your anger accomplish?"
Basic strategies for reducing anger- work out, take a walk, deep breathing, meditation...if it is at a person and you want to get it out without telling them off, sit down at your comptuer and write uncensored...everything you want to tell them. Get it off your chest (not to them). Then delete it. At least express these feelings. Again, chances are though that it's not about these little things. It's something bigger and you need to figure out what that really is.
Wanting to reduce your anger is a step in the right direction though.

[GreenMachine]

Originally Posted by jessiegirl_98

Really, you need to learn to accept that you can't control other people. They do these really stupid things, but ask yourself, "why are you letting it affect you?"

Yup, that's good advice.... Thank you

[Suzet2262]

Originally Posted by GreenMachine

Yup, that's good advice.... Thank you

I hated the fact that I couldnt control others actions!!! That was at the root of my anger. So I have really made it a point to not let people and their stupidity get to me. What people do, we have no control over, and that they are not doing it to us!! We tend to take things a little bit too personal. That is a tough lesson to learn. But once you do, you really can let go of a lot of the anger. I used to be a really angry person. All it did was make my anxiety worse. It wasnt worth it to me health wise to be angry all the time. Some times you gotta say to hell with this anger and let it go. I have had a lot of experience in this area.

[cynwldkat]

Number one---you are renting space in your head for these people you are angry at. Do you really want to do that?? I think not! Obviously they don't deserve any space in your head so get them out! What I do and my therapist suggested this, I sit down and "write" not type but handwrite everything down that I am angry about. It gets it out. Once you see it on paper you will have a chance to look over it and for some reason getting it out of your head makes it so much less powerful!! It works---give it a try!!