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Why did I decide to stop learning French? Here are the details.
I'm a 37 yr old female, born and raised in California, but its never felt like home. I guess you're supposed to grow where you're planted, but actually I've always disliked Cali. Moving on... Everyone here speaks SPANISH. At work, people are having their own conversations in fluent Spanish. My patients speak it, its on the radio and on all the paper work that comes home from my kids' schools. Spanish is fine - my parents speak it too, but I've always wanted to learn French... I just love the sound of the language and the fun it is to speak. Learning French was my hobby.
I started taking classes. I immersed myself, and I'm a quick learner. I progressed to the point where I could translate text, but had trouble conversing because of the lack of people who speak French here. I just had my own little world, and I was fine with that. In fact, none of my friends even knew I had this hobby.
So, last month, an elderly patient of mine came in who spoke fluent French. I was so happy! The patient was wonderful, and she was as pleased as I was to find someone who spoke it as well, although at the level of a child.
Then an acquaintance of mine entered the room. She proceeded to speak rapid and fluid French to the patient, which was really delightful to watch, and I was really enthused. ...but I felt myself becoming smaller, and then I felt suddenly stupid and embarrassed for some reason, as if I had no business at all being in the room, and my hobby was actually me just being lame and ridiculous. They talked for a while, and I was no longer in the conversation at all, I couldn't follow it anymore, and then the patient didn't need me. Of course this made the most sense, and I was genuinely happy that this event occurred. But I'm wondering how and why I am still thinking about this incident a month later.
Here is the problem: I have lost all desire to learn the language, even just for fun, which is totally unlike me. I'm not so easily shelved, but somehow I find the idea that I could even THINK of getting out of my box and doing something different completely sad and overwhelmingly pathetic now.
Your dreams are NOT sad and pathetic! You just got overwhelmed by the others' fluency, that's all. Suddenly, your goal seemed like an insurmountable mountain, and you got lost.
Also: some people don't do well learning a foreign language as if it were a dead language. They get bored. (Speaking from experience ) Go online and see if you can find a branch of the Alliance Francaise in your area. They give affordable classes to anyone and everyone, evenings included. Also see if your local college or university offers French classes. You need to be in an environment where you have the opportunity to develop your oral skills.
Alternatively, you could start a meet-up group for French speakers of all levels. This should bring a few native speakers out of the woodwork, like the patient you encountered at work. View this as an adventure.
Allow the prospect of finding an opp'ty to actually speak French and develop your oral skills to breathe new life and enthusiasm into your system. Get jiggy with it. Comb your newspaper regularly for French-related cultural events (museum exhibits, concerts, whatever), and attend to see if any French people show up. Or Americans who are fluent in the language.
Take heart, OP. You just need a new approach to it, and some practice speaking it to re-enliven your interest. Good luck.
You are not learning anything if you are better at doing something than everyone else around you. Hang around with those who are better than you are and you will eventually be able to keep up. If your ego takes too much of a hit, go take a beginning French class and you will again be the star!
Note I've been speaking English for half a century and I still come across words I have never seen before.
It is impossible to speak a language fluently if you don't speak it on a daily basis. You can study a book all you want, but unless you have practice speaking the language daily you will never have a fluid conversation.
Go to sharedtalk.com and start practicing there. Also, try traveling to France.
My experience learning Spanish was that native speakers were thrilled to see me try and more than willing to help out even when I sounded like an idiot.
I felt stupid but that's not how the other side of the conversation was... strangely enough, they seemed to feel almost honored that I was willing to try. Anyway, fast-forward 15 years and I am a fluent Spanish speaker who uses it daily at my work.
You've gotta start somewhere when learning another language and that's always at the bottom... and people know that. Besides, it's not a contest; there are no rewards for speaking "better French" as a second language and I highly doubt that patient thinks less of you because your aquaintance happened to speak better French.
Learning another language is a good thing, and a far more valuable hobby than most. Even if there isn't much of a practical use for French where you live, it is a powerful way to exercise the brain and will set you apart from the normal tourist crowds in Paris when you get over there.
You don't need to Go to France, to improve your ability in the French language.
You can watch and listen to French language TV and radio, on your computer, at home, at any time you want. The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation ( CBC ) has Radio Canada French TV and radio, on line.
You can also read daily news online through French newspapers in Quebec.
Here is a link to CBC French TV and radio websites.
CBC is the national public broadcaster in Canada, sort of like PBS in the USA, with no commercials on the radio side, but the TV side has commercials, that you will enjoy, as many of them are for products that you will recognize, but in French.
CBC broadcasts to about 97 percent of the population of Canada, even those who live in remote parts of our arctic, via satellite , in English, French and 18 Aboriginal languages. Canada was the first country in the world to launch a non military satellite, for national communication transmissions. It was called Anik one, Anik is a Innuit word meaning little friend. We now have 7 in orbit.
Why did I decide to stop learning French? Here are the details.
I'm a 37 yr old female, born and raised in California, but its never felt like home. I guess you're supposed to grow where you're planted, but actually I've always disliked Cali. Moving on... Everyone here speaks SPANISH. At work, people are having their own conversations in fluent Spanish. My patients speak it, its on the radio and on all the paper work that comes home from my kids' schools. Spanish is fine - my parents speak it too, but I've always wanted to learn French... I just love the sound of the language and the fun it is to speak. Learning French was my hobby.
I started taking classes. I immersed myself, and I'm a quick learner. I progressed to the point where I could translate text, but had trouble conversing because of the lack of people who speak French here. I just had my own little world, and I was fine with that. In fact, none of my friends even knew I had this hobby.
So, last month, an elderly patient of mine came in who spoke fluent French. I was so happy! The patient was wonderful, and she was as pleased as I was to find someone who spoke it as well, although at the level of a child.
Then an acquaintance of mine entered the room. She proceeded to speak rapid and fluid French to the patient, which was really delightful to watch, and I was really enthused. ...but I felt myself becoming smaller, and then I felt suddenly stupid and embarrassed for some reason, as if I had no business at all being in the room, and my hobby was actually me just being lame and ridiculous. They talked for a while, and I was no longer in the conversation at all, I couldn't follow it anymore, and then the patient didn't need me. Of course this made the most sense, and I was genuinely happy that this event occurred. But I'm wondering how and why I am still thinking about this incident a month later.
Here is the problem: I have lost all desire to learn the language, even just for fun, which is totally unlike me. I'm not so easily shelved, but somehow I find the idea that I could even THINK of getting out of my box and doing something different completely sad and overwhelmingly pathetic now.
It's hard to know the answer. Maybe some top pscycologists will visit and provide their opinion.
I did notice that if I see someone else doing something better than me, that I lose interest in trying it also. I think it's something like this: I like to do it if no one else is doing it, I feel like a pioneer, like I accomplished something that others didn't. But when I observe that others already did it, it feels like I am back to a non-important, non-pioneer... so why do it at all. It's something about doing something that others are not doing...some reward in that itself.
So maybe part of your fun and motivation was to do something special, something others were not doing. It would set you apart (even if it's in your own mind). But it was taken away once you saw that others are doing it and are much better than you.
It's like if you are a senior in high school, you feel important (compared to those of lower classes) But when you go to college, you become unimportant again, you become a freshman. So even though you took a step higher in your education, you feel like you went lower in your emotions.
It's all about comparison to others, a point of reference.
I also noticed something weird about food... So there is a food I like and I give it to another person to taste. And then another person starts to regularly eat it. And somehow I lose interest in it. I don't know why.
Why did I decide to stop learning French? Here are the details.
I'm a 37 yr old female, born and raised in California, but its never felt like home. I guess you're supposed to grow where you're planted, but actually I've always disliked Cali. Moving on... Everyone here speaks SPANISH. At work, people are having their own conversations in fluent Spanish. My patients speak it, its on the radio and on all the paper work that comes home from my kids' schools. Spanish is fine - my parents speak it too, but I've always wanted to learn French... I just love the sound of the language and the fun it is to speak. Learning French was my hobby.
I started taking classes. I immersed myself, and I'm a quick learner. I progressed to the point where I could translate text, but had trouble conversing because of the lack of people who speak French here. I just had my own little world, and I was fine with that. In fact, none of my friends even knew I had this hobby.
So, last month, an elderly patient of mine came in who spoke fluent French. I was so happy! The patient was wonderful, and she was as pleased as I was to find someone who spoke it as well, although at the level of a child.
Then an acquaintance of mine entered the room. She proceeded to speak rapid and fluid French to the patient, which was really delightful to watch, and I was really enthused. ...but I felt myself becoming smaller, and then I felt suddenly stupid and embarrassed for some reason, as if I had no business at all being in the room, and my hobby was actually me just being lame and ridiculous. They talked for a while, and I was no longer in the conversation at all, I couldn't follow it anymore, and then the patient didn't need me. Of course this made the most sense, and I was genuinely happy that this event occurred. But I'm wondering how and why I am still thinking about this incident a month later.
Here is the problem: I have lost all desire to learn the language, even just for fun, which is totally unlike me. I'm not so easily shelved, but somehow I find the idea that I could even THINK of getting out of my box and doing something different completely sad and overwhelmingly pathetic now.
My initial reaction to your description of the events you describe, is that perhaps you need to examine the reasons you studied the language and what you expected to get out of it?
Was your self described feeling of being 'lame and ridiculous' because your acquaintance 'showed you up' or 'stole your thunder' of delight in using your long hidden (hobby) talent?
Was it because your hidden talent was shown to you to be inadequate for what you had hoped to use it for?
Or perhaps something else? A skill acquired via hobby which you perceive internally as a self identifying quality and as part of your being, and which, in turn, the experience made you see how slight or ineffective this idea was when you observed your proficient acquaintance carry on a conversation in this situation?
I would suggest if your reasons for learning French are genuine - due to learning spirit and desire to be more well rounded - that you follow much of the positive advice and indeed pursue further opportunities to hone your language skills and build friends within the French speaking community where you live.
If your reasons were specious for learning French and more selfish in nature, then perhaps that is why you are feeling the way you described; your self attempt 'to get out of your box being sad and pathetic' - due to your self perceived inadequacy.
Speaking from personal experience, I took Russian in college for curiosity, personal interest due to family ancestry, and the challenge (it's considered a difficult language). Since I had no reason after school to use it nor have friends to use it with, I let it slip. However, for fun I periodically listen to the audio tapes to refresh the conversational aspects. Four years ago on trip to Baltic states I was able to use it, albeit briefly, in talking to a beautiful Russian woman in Estonia and it made me feel grateful that I had kept up with it to some degree.
My point here is - you never know when the opportunity may arise again to use the language. Just because you are not proficient to a level that you thought of yourself prior to the experience, it doesn't mean you can not become proficient with the proper dedication and enthusiasm.
Whatever your choice, I wish you all the best - bonsoir!
Your response was perfectly normal, so I wouldn't worry about that.
If your fluently-French acquaintance hadn't entered the room to steal your thunder, you probably would have been more energized to keep studying French based on your encounter with the patient.
The question I have is why didn't this acquaintance know you were learning to speak French? Here you had a person who could have been helping you learn, and you neglected to avail yourself of it. Why were you keeping your hobby secret? Your friends should be supportive of your hobbies...otherwise they are not friends.
I don't ask this in an accusatory way, but rather in a way that I hope will help you to examine how you relate to friends/acquaintances. Don't be so secretive with your hobbies; you never how others can help.
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) Go online and see if you can find a branch of the Alliance Francaise in your area. They give affordable classes to anyone and everyone, evenings included. Also see if your local college or university offers French classes. You need to be in an environment where you have the opportunity to develop your oral skills. 
Comb your newspaper regularly for French-related cultural events (museum exhibits, concerts, whatever), and attend to see if any French people show up. Or Americans who are fluent in the language.
