How does one get to adulthood and not have basic mental tools to handle life's little things? (parent, father)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm obviously not making myself as clear as I need to, sorry.
Now, that being said, I admit it is a touchy subject for me because my parents taught me so little
YET, they were so quick to ridicule me as a teen or at 9 if I didn't know something...
Well, excuse me for living...was what I was left with.
"Just show me don't make me feel stupid for not knowing something"
It's called kindness, love and patience.
I can SO relate to this! And I'd add that there was also a time before the internet and instant answers. If one wasn't directly exposed to something, one often didn't 'know what they didn't know'
If my Dad left me alone for the first time in another state, never once teaching me
this sentence: "Watch all your lights bec if a car's engine runs out of oil it freezes up.
It"a like your body without blood...and you'll ruin the car and be left stranded."
Perhaps you were a naturally respectful and compliant child, but what you are forgetting is that with many kids when Dad leads with "Watch all your lights because if a car's engine runs out of oil ..." what the kid hears is:
"Watch all your blah blah blah blah and I say this because I have zero confidence in your intelligence or resourcefulness and I want you to worry about me worrying about you experiencing this vanishingly unlikely thing that would never actually happen in the real world blah blah blah." And remember, it's all coming from what the kid regards as their lame and embarrassing and clueless parent.
Parents can and should teach life skills. Unfortunately, as a parent, I didn't realize this (was kind of dumb myself in that way and my parents did not teach me much of anything) . . . some people seem to have greater degrees of innate common sense about basic important life skills.
I did not know how to do anything as an adult, but did basically learn on my own over the years. Some things took longer to learn than others. I did learn by experience - some people do not - they can have the same results over and over again and not be able to figure out what caused the results. That, to me, is the most frustrating thing to observe - especially if it's a younger person you love.
I'm wondering how old the caller was? It may have been someone elderly.
While it's not unheard of for elderly to use profanity with a 911 operator, this guy's use of it and his demand that someone respond immediately made me think he is a young, impatient fool. But you're right, the article does not state his age.
What gets me the most is--the fire department actually showed up and helped his wife get her jacket off.
I agree that some of this has to with America's helicopter parents. They do for their children rather than demand that their children do for themselves. The result is dependence and the need to be TOLD what to do, if not have it done for them, in all matters. It terrifies me mostly because it leads to people falling prey to those who would abuse them, everything from young women who let men take advantage of them to people who mindlessly join authoritarian political groups that don't have their best interests at heart.
The examples of people engaging in ridiculous activities like not changing the oil in a car or expecting the landlord to change the lightbulbs just get our attention more readily because of the extreme and obvious cluelessness. I know I've mentioned here before about the student I taught in a university who didn't come to class unless his mother phoned him in the morning in his dorm to wake him up and go over his day with him. Duh!
One thing I've noticed now that I am surrounded by elders is that their inability to make decisions can paralyze them. They are often unable to break tasks down into simple steps and become overwhelmed by something as simple as preparing a meal. Then they don't eat, then other troubles follow. They don't take their pills because they can't reach the bottle and it never occurs to them to ask someone to move it. I think a young brain also often experiences a version of this same phenomenon. One part of an action seems like too much trouble, or is unpleasant to them, so they blow off the whole thing, no matter how important. This is exacerbated by young people's (or stupid people's) seeming inability to recognize cause and effect. If I drive recklessly > I might have an accident > and I could get hurt. Parts two and three don't connect. If I have sex without protection > there could be a baby > which would ruin my life. Does not compute.
I have a friend who works at a library reference desk. You can't imagine some of the calls she gets.
There's a very good article in Slate magazine this week on motivating teenagers. It's called "Teen Spirit: Helicopter parenting has crippled American teenagers. Here's how to fix it." Motivating teenagers: How do you do it?
I often think of the Little Rascals - those kids were on the streets in the Thirties as very young children. They figured out how to do things.
If parents did more "Free Range" parenting (with perhaps some life skills thrown in for good measure), maybe kids would mature earlier.
"In the old days," you were expected to be mature at 18 and many people became responsible, hardworking citizens at that age (went to work, got married, even had kids) . . . Now, childhood has been extended to age 30.
I often think of the Little Rascals - those kids were on the streets in the Thirties as very young children. They figured out how to do things.
If parents did more "Free Range" parenting (with perhaps some life skills thrown in for good measure), maybe kids would mature earlier.
"In the old days," you were expected to be mature at 18 and many people became responsible, hardworking citizens at that age (went to work, got married, even had kids) . . . Now, childhood has been extended to age 30.
I know what you mean. But I also understand that much of parents' motivation to helicopter arises from their fear of being criticized for poor parenting. Go ahead and think of the Little Rascals and tell me that today their parents wouldn't be investigated by CPS. My dad used to tell me of the ways he was either unfairly used or neglected during his Depression-era childhood. For example, he was sent by his mother out to walk along the railroad tracks in remote areas to collect coal that fell off coal cars that they could use in their home furnace. Can you imagine today TELLING your kid to "walk along the railroad track"? I would say, "Dad, that's child abuse!" He would laugh and say, "Yeah but back then everybody did that, so nobody thought it was wrong."
Even when I was kid when we went to play ball a block away in the school yard, we would take my baby brother in his stoller and park him on the first base line. My mother would pack us lunches and we would go for a picnic in the woods. As grade school kids! No supervision. I can't imagine doing something like that today. And it's not as if there was no such thing as a sexual predator. I know more than one of my peers who was sexually abused as a child. It just wasn't talked about.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
