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My cousin committed suicide, however, I didn't really know him. It affected his parents and the family a lot. But, because of two big reasons, things like this don't bother me. One, I see suicide simply as a decision, not a tragedy. If someone feels their life is so bad, they have to kill themselves, I won't help them, but I won't stop them either. I'd rather they find peace in death, than live in chaos. Secondly, I don't see death as a bad thing. Don't get me wrong, I miss the people who are gone (even my dog), but this is life. Everyone dies. There are no guarantees when you are born that you will live for X number of years. You live as long as you live. Because of this way of thinking.....I just don't see death as a bad thing.
However, for those of you who have witnessed a suicide or walked into the aftermath, I think that can be more traumatizing than the actual death of the person. Because although death happens all around us everyday, most of use don't typically see it happen.....nor the aftermath of it. I'm pretty sure seeing a gory death would traumatize me.
My little brother committed suicide the night before this past thanksgiving. He was standing directly behind my mom and older brother and his best friend and my dad were outside smoking a cigarette; he put a .44 magnum to his head and blew his brains out after deciding jail time and cold turkey methadone detox were too much to handle. This was his choice but the way he did messed up my whole family; my dad spent thanksgiving picking up skull fragments, scraping dried brains off the ceiling, and tearing up the carpet that was soaked down to the wood underneath from blood. There are chips in the ceiling from bone fragments hitting. . .My mom immediately jumped on him and held him while blood gurgled out of his head(her words), pretty much half his head gone and his eye hanging out of the socket; this is the last image of my brother burned into my moms memory til the day she dies. When I arrived later that day there were still specks of blood, brain and cartilage etc scattered around the room that will probably be there forever. . at least until the room is competely remodeled as they plan on selling the house and moved out after. He was on a downward spiral for awhile and had been addicted to opiates for several years. He had been arrested several times in the week or two before hand due to crimes committed while on xanax. . . I was happy to hear he would be going to jail because in my opinion this would be the only thing to straighten him out and clean him up; I talked to him that day and he swore he wasnt going to jail, the last thing he told me was he was going out with a bang. . but I blew it off as he was always saying tough guy stuff as he thought he was a real bad ass; he was in a death metal band and really got into all the "evil" stuff those bands promote. He was on xanax when he shot himself and I dont think he would have done it otherwise. He was 22 years old, making decent money with his band, had an inheritance, had a 1969 chevelle ss, a 73 fastback mustang; yet he gave it all up because he thought he would die in jail from methadone withdrawal I guess. . .? So if you are gonna kill yourself; at least think of your family or whoever has to witness/ clean up the mess. Ive mostly progressed past the grief point and am more pissed now about what he did to us. My mom is being very morbid about it and has kept the leather jacket, belt and shoes he was wearing that day. ALL of which have blood/brains on them and the bible she reads was in the room and is now speckled in his blood. Life is a mess right now and I struggle with my faith and am plagued by fears of his eternal torment. Reading the bible does bring me comfort but alas, it does not delve into suicide much so only God knows a persons truth and I must accept that he will judge righteously. Let me also add that Im sure there were many other factors involved, undiagnosed depression/bipolar most likely, 2 days into withdrawal, under the influence of xanax and alcohol; the fact he had a .44 magnum while on FELONY probation! Ok Im rambling sorry for the long post. Ive considered suicide before but after seeing the aftereffects firsthand I do not think it is something I will ever consider again. Good day, God bless.
]My cousin committed suicide, however, I didn't really know him. It affected his parents and the family a lot. But, because of two big reasons, things like this don't bother me. One, I see suicide simply as a decision, not a tragedy. If someone feels their life is so bad, they have to kill themselves, I won't help them, but I won't stop them either. I'd rather they find peace in death, than live in chaos. Secondly, I don't see death as a bad thing. Don't get me wrong, I miss the people who are gone (even my dog), but this is life. Everyone dies. There are no guarantees when you are born that you will live for X number of years. You live as long as you live. Because of this way of thinking.....I just don't see death as a bad thing.[/b]
However, for those of you who have witnessed a suicide or walked into the aftermath, I think that can be more traumatizing than the actual death of the person. Because although death happens all around us everyday, most of use don't typically see it happen.....nor the aftermath of it. I'm pretty sure seeing a gory death would traumatize me.
I agree... Suicide is a decision, like a million other decisions that one makes in their life--it has a huge effect on those that you love sure, but if you're ready to be done then you're ready... It's just as horrible IMO to live your life miserably with your only purpose being to "try to make it and survive so that you don't hurt those that you love" and no other "will" or reason to be exist. That thought is utterly depressing as well. When you are in so much emotional pain and chaos, it is very difficult to step outside of yourself and all the pain, negativity and the "urge to be done" that has consumed you, with an objective look at how the decision might negatively impact loved ones. I also don't see death as a negative horrible thing, in fact I imagine that those who end their lives know on some level that in death they'll find more peace and happiness than where they are at currently. When I attempted suicide I knew that it was because the "other side" was much better than where I was at currently. I wanted peace.
My little brother committed suicide the night before this past thanksgiving. He was standing directly behind my mom and older brother and his best friend and my dad were outside smoking a cigarette; he put a .44 magnum to his head and blew his brains out after deciding jail time and cold turkey methadone detox were too much to handle.
I am so sorry for your loss -- no one should have to go through trauma like that.
Irrational suicides are not thinking clearly and part of that can be misjudging or entirely overlooking the impact of their suicide on others -- or, in the alternate, wanting to make an impact on these people who "don't get it" that they will never forget as a sort of sick revenge. These are the ones who feel others are responsible to fix their issues for them.
Most likely, though, your little bro was not at all himself and hadn't been for some time. While what I described above was his proximate frame of mind, that was at the end of a rather long causal chain. When you lose a loved one by whatever means, your only true choice is to choose to remember the good in them, and I hope you and your family will be able to do that. His final moments were neither his best nor his proudest, but they were his most difficult. Remember him as he was before his issues overtook him. That is what he would want.
My sixteen year old brother did. Actually five teens successfully committed suicide in 1983. My brothers death along with the other four kids was the main contribution to getting the Arkansas Crisis hotline going in 1985. Before his death, Arkansas had no hotline. My mother was an advocate and worked very hard at getting this started. The Arkansas Crisis center was known as Northwest Arkansas Crisis Intervention Center in 1985, when founded. The number is 1-800-CRISIS2.
As far as his death goes I know if he had to do it all over again.. he would still be here. He was so charismatic and funny.
The son of some good friends killed himself when he was 20. His father sat up with him all night, thinking he had him talked out of it and stabilized, but then discovered that he had hanged himself shortly after he thought he had gone to bed. Absolutely heartbreaking.
That happened almost 20 years ago and I think about him often. His parents have coped very well--much better than I think I would have.
I've known other people who have killed themselves, but no one else really close. Still, I think about those people too. I don't begrudge anyone wanting to end whatever pain they're in, but it seems like a drastic solution when there is treatment for depression. But I understand that one of the facets of depression is that people don't believe they'll ever feel better.
In my experience as a Ambulance officer, here in Toronto, suicides fall into a number of groups.
Those that are "making a scene " and who are only wanting attention, with no real intention to die.
Those that are "deadly serious " as in jumping off a tall building, or in front of a subway train.
Then there are the one that I call the "maybes " who could do it, or maybe not, depending on how they are handled by first responders, like I was.
And finally the ones that " want to kill somebody else, too ". They are the ones that go on a killing spree, at a mall, and shoot or knife others, hoping that they will be killed by Police, as they are too cowardly to kill themselves .
In order to differentiate the drama queens or kings, from the really serious ones, I used to offer to help them to die, in any way that was available. Guess what ? They didn't want to die, they only wanted attention from somebody.
Somebody who has jumped in front of a subway train, but kind of bungled the timing, and is still alive, but is trying to cut their wrists with a pocket knife, is "really trying to die " in my opinion. I actually had a Chinese girl, who had failed her nursing exams, do that. She lived.
My partner and I had a family shooting scene, with 7 adults dead, in a house. The shooter was the oldest son, and he sent his favourite niece out for ice cream, and then shot everybody else, and then himself. She lost her Parents and all her immediate relatives, to one killer. We didn't take any body to hospital, they were all "code five " obviously dead, of GSW.
Suicides tend to be tied to seasons of the year, such as around Christmas, New Years, and the beginning of spring. When everyone else is happy, they are not. And the spring flowers and green grass are reminders that life is moving on it's annual cycle of regrowth and renewal, and it makes them act out.
In my years of responding to suicide calls, I learned a few truths. If some body "really wants to die " you can't stop them, they will do it, eventually, by some means. Women tend to use methods that are not disfiguring, and they favour alcohol and pills, for a dreamy ending. I have had numerous female suicides that went out and bought a new night gown, had their hair done at the beauty shop, and arranged themselves on a nice fresh bed, with low lighting and the radio playing soft music. My partner and I called them "sleeping beauties " .
Men on the other hand are much more likely to actually kill them selves, compered to women who attempt suicide a lot more frequently, but with fewer actual deaths than with men. Men use more violent methods, such as hanging, gun shot, or electrocution .
In my considered opinion......Suicide is a coward's way out. The ones left behind have to shoulder the guilt and the shame of the act. Every generation has had it's fair share of broken people, who can't seem to survive the stress of living.
Until a year ago I never knew anyone who took their own life. However, I am sure I have been effected by others who have. My mothers father jumped in front of a train when she was 5, stock market crash of 30. Even though I never knew the man doesn't mean I wasn't effected by his choice.
Back to the" until a year ago", my husband and I had moved from the place where a person we knew shot himself in the head, only thing is he was not the sort of person to do such a thing..... I don't believe he did. Wasn't there, so can't say, but it sure seems like the way things are in "that" area.
Many times I have contemplated it, especially while I was still trapped in a life that wasn't mine. I'm not out of the woods, but I feel that I am far less likely to act on those thoughts, even though something so seemingly small can trigger them again.
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