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Old 02-25-2014, 09:30 PM
 
181 posts, read 218,412 times
Reputation: 180

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When a woman seems to like me or when someone does something nice for me?

One night (way back when I was 19) I met a girl in a disco. I liked her, was attracted to her, danced with her and talked to her for an hour or so. I thought she'd see me again but then she got up, said goodnight, wouldn't give her number, rushed out of there.

I felt very hurt, shattered, tried to sooth my hurt feelings, still felt crushed an hour later on the subway home.

My angry look/hate vibes problem began after that night.

Any reason why or how would you explain why I have this problem?

Any insights welcomed.

How do I cure this problem?
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Old 02-26-2014, 04:25 AM
 
544 posts, read 610,579 times
Reputation: 474
Quote:
One night (way back when I was 19) I met a girl in a disco.
WTF? George Washington, is that you?


In all seriousness, people are stupid.

I've had people say these things about me

- I like how you always have a smile on your face
- You never seem happy
- You think everythings a joke
- I can never tell when your joking

As you can see, it's hard to take seriously what other people say about you. They see you for what they want to see. If a person doesn't want to like you, they will find a reason why.

Humans are discriminatory, it's in our blood. People are attracted to certain people and want to be friends / conversate / hang out with those people. People are repulsed at certain people. Often times, this decision is made within 5 seconds of seeing a person close up.
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Old 02-26-2014, 04:31 AM
 
181 posts, read 218,412 times
Reputation: 180
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyHarley View Post
WTF? George Washington, is that you?


In all seriousness, people are stupid.

I've had people say these things about me

- I like how you always have a smile on your face
- You never seem happy
- You think everythings a joke
- I can never tell when your joking

As you can see, it's hard to take seriously what other people say about you. They see you for what they want to see. If a person doesn't want to like you, they will find a reason why.

Humans are discriminatory, it's in our blood. People are attracted to certain people and want to be friends / conversate / hang out with those people. People are repulsed at certain people. Often times, this decision is made within 5 seconds of seeing a person close up.
Thank you but that wasn't what I was asking.

Last edited by SteakGuy; 02-26-2014 at 04:53 AM..
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Old 02-26-2014, 07:30 AM
 
4,761 posts, read 14,292,211 times
Reputation: 7960
Sounds like you are protecting yourself from being hurt again - pushing people away before they can get too close and hurt you. Very common and that is a good thing that you are sensitive and have feelings - you are a human being and will make a good partner for some lucky person.

The way to deal with this is to not "put it all out there at once" where you can get hurt again. Take small steps when you meet someone...

So DON'T meet someone, then ask to go to dinner, movie, spend the night, then get married the next day. (Putting it all out on the line - if they say no, you will get hurt.)

Rather just take small steps to "heal" yourself. Like go out and ask someone to dance. Then go home after that - you had a successful night! Then have many of those encounters. That will build up your "successes". And make it no big deal if in the future someone says no, they don't want to dance with you.

And FYI - I have never found anyone fit for a "good relationship" at a bar. The best people to meet live next door, are at work, or can be met at volunteer groups. Volunteer for various things. Take walks around your neighborhood. If moving choose to live in an apartment building with a lot of single people in it (don't see a lot of small children running around).

Another thing is I am older and have noticed women at the checkout counter at stores no longer flirt with me. So watch them when a cute young guy goes up to the check out counter. They will bat their eye lashes, look at them in a certain way, smile, giggle at anything they say.... Then watch the same checker when an old bald man walks up. It is like cold fish - get out of here I am busy!

Anyway you can watch for those signs in women and that means they are interested or not interested (body language).
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Old 02-26-2014, 07:44 AM
 
Location: Southwestern, USA, now.
21,020 posts, read 19,393,070 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyHarley View Post
WTF? George Washington, is that you?
Yes, WTF....people actually live year after year and get older?

Yes, sounds like you are protecting yourself...as said above.

Oh sorry, u ask how do u cure this problem...a start, as in the first step is u are
conscious of it...that's great....
What if u simply became an actor and smiled with a thank you when appropriate.
When your mind sees positive reactions reflected back to u..I think it will help you flow better at least...in social settings.
You can still harbor thoughts of lack of trust...I do...compliments from men mean nothing to me., but I smile and say, Aw, you're sweet.

Everyone's happy....

Last edited by Miss Hepburn; 02-26-2014 at 08:18 AM..
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Old 02-26-2014, 08:27 PM
 
Location: Sydney, Australia
11,655 posts, read 12,963,772 times
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Can you post a pic?
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Old 03-01-2014, 12:08 PM
 
Location: kS.
505 posts, read 575,215 times
Reputation: 124
Quote:
Originally Posted by SteakGuy View Post
When a woman seems to like me or when someone does something nice for me?

One night (way back when I was 19) I met a girl in a disco. I liked her, was attracted to her, danced with her and talked to her for an hour or so. I thought she'd see me again but then she got up, said goodnight, wouldn't give her number, rushed out of there.

I felt very hurt, shattered, tried to sooth my hurt feelings, still felt crushed an hour later on the subway home.

My angry look/hate vibes problem began after that night.

Any reason why or how would you explain why I have this problem?

Any insights welcomed.

How do I cure this problem?
As usual my replies come from a Christian perspective.
YOUR responses and reactions in life (and every other human beings too) come from your heart and mind (your knowledge, feelings, emotions etc...). This is who you are on a deep level.
Jesus said "My peace I give you. Not as the world gives peace..." He was speaking of the deep peace that only God can give. Worldly, human peace does not last.
My simple answer is that you need inner peace brother.
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Old 03-02-2014, 10:01 AM
 
699 posts, read 1,015,294 times
Reputation: 1111
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joint heir with jesus View Post
As usual my replies come from a Christian perspective.
YOUR responses and reactions in life (and every other human beings too) come from your heart and mind (your knowledge, feelings, emotions etc...). This is who you are on a deep level.
Jesus said "My peace I give you. Not as the world gives peace..." He was speaking of the deep peace that only God can give. Worldly, human peace does not last.
My simple answer is that you need inner peace brother.
Beautiful post.
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Old 03-02-2014, 10:10 PM
 
22,662 posts, read 24,610,454 times
Reputation: 20339
I'm the same way also.....people look at me like I am insane.
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Old 03-04-2014, 10:01 AM
 
181 posts, read 218,412 times
Reputation: 180
What do you think caused it for you.
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