This child has no empathy (vindictive, psychologist, sociopath, counselor)
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I have been watching my neighbor's kids on weekends for the past couple of months. The older daughter is 6 years old, and her younger sister is 4.
I have a lot of childcare experience, and yet I've never encountered a child like this 6 year old. She has zero empathy, to the point where it's scary. She is sneaky, vindictive, and malicious in her actions. She's also bossy like I've never seen in a child her age.
As soon as I leave the room, I hear her say things to her sister like, "If you open your mouth I'll slap you in your face and shut you right up" and " Do what I say or else". The other night she hit her sister in the face right in front of me, and when I told the 4 year old "Don't worry, she's sorry and she won't do it again", the 6 year old turned to me and said, "How do YOU know I won't do it again?" and gave me this icy stare. When I don't let her get her way, even if it's the smallest thing, she FREAKS out and throws giant tantrums, to the point where she looks like a completely different person. It's scary.
She is very defiant with me and is especially nasty to her own mother. The mother says she's always been this way and is at a loss as to what to do. I'm also at a loss because I have never had a problem bonding with a child and building a strong rapport with them, but with this one, no such luck. She has warmed to me a little, but in terms of listening it's like we're always starting from square one.
Does the mother (and dad if he's in the picture) know the 6 y/o is hitting the 4 y/o? That's what really upsets me about this - hitting and threatening the little sister?!
Someone may have a better idea than me, but if the parents know and let it slide, that sounds as if it could qualify and child neglect...
Does the mother (and dad if he's in the picture) know the 6 y/o is hitting the 4 y/o? That's what really upsets me about this - hitting and threatening the little sister?!
Someone may have a better idea than me, but if the parents know and let it slide, that sounds as if it could qualify and child neglect...
I agree. The OP gave me chills. I used to study child psychology and back when I did (and this was a while ago) it was thought that children had to be taught empathy from a young age. When they have no empathy, they may become sociopathic.
kids are often sponges and mirrors of how they are treated, however, not always. ive seen kids go into rages and do things, that is quite alarming
ive always felt sorry for these kids,,,thinking they are getting abused somehow, and this is their immature/kid way to deal with it- recycle whats given to them (sadly)
what happens when kids just seem mean...bullyish even when its not given to them>??
with no chemical imbalances,,, why does one kid want to bully and terrorize another??
They may not know themselves, they are kids...but i remember one little kid,,,that just seem to enjoy making other kids cry- pushing them, and hitting them,,,he was old enoungh to understand hurt and pain.... no amount of talking, re-directing seem to make a difference,,UNTIL a bigger kid did the same to him- that bigger kid would do to him, what he would do to other kids at the same time...he didnt like it at all, but, it did click,,,, and the kid backed off being a bully, because he finally felt what he was doing to other kids..
also
i think older brothers playing video games..... can be very destructive for little minds,,,
if the video game is killing and blowing things up, and you get more points for slashing other people on the video game,,that little mind is framing this "violence" not realizing whats real and what isnt
then the little kid acts out what his older hero brother does,,, and we see it as bullying..
definitely a connection here with little minds..
I would wonder from where she's learned this. What is her parental situation like? Is there any older sibling in the picture? Did she ever live somewhere other than with her mother/father? Did she have another part-time caretaker where she could've come into contact with someone who abused her?
I'm wondering if she was once in the position of the younger child she's abusing--and if through doing this, you're eventually going to see the four year old start to behave the same way.
Regardless of WHY she does this, I would not allow this child in my home. It might be best for both kids if they have separate child care arrangements. The 4 year old deserves better and the 6 year old needs a psychiatrist. You may be able to convince mom that you are only comfortable babysitting the 4 year old which would be a step in the right direction.
I worked with sibling pair like this a long time ago. I was a preschool teacher and this little boy was downright creepy. I would definitely consider his behavior to be sociopathic. He ended up living with Dad while sis stayed with mom and the little girl just blossomed without her brother being in child care with her. The boy also went to child care by himself with a kindly old woman...no other kids for him to terrorize. I wish I knew how that turned out!
I agree. The OP gave me chills. I used to study child psychology and back when I did (and this was a while ago) it was thought that children had to be taught empathy from a young age. When they have no empathy, they may become sociopathic.
These were my thoughts exactly. I've fostered 14 children here over the years and one had these "symptoms". A little boy named Jake, who had the most beautiful little sister I'd ever seen. Both parents constantly in and out of jail.
I was fortunate to have Jake long enough that he'd listen to me or my husband with no fights, but he'd sneak into the toddlers room at night and try to hurt her (pillow over the face, digging nails into her neck, etc) so I had to keep an intercom system on at all times so I could hear them if they ran around the corner, or if he snuck out at night. Jake was 6, Arianna was 4.
I took Jake to every psychologist and school counselor I could get to listen and had two counties involved with his rearing. (he was a danger to himself and other small children). The one thing that got my attention (outside of his abnormal behavior) was that he had the softest heart for animals. (whew).
It turned out that he had slight Aspergers Syndrome and was full of rage. After a couple of years, Jake started turning into the sweetest, most helpful child, even helping his little sister every chance he could.
As soon as I got him half straight, his parents were released from jail (again) and the children were given back to their parents.
Jake died at 13 in a shootout with another kid and the police...Arianna, I never heard about again. I begged DCF to allow me to keep Jake, as bad as he was he could have learned. He could have lived and he could have loved life. They said "We like to keep children with their natural families." They didn't know how to approach me after that little boy died, although they did place several more children with us over the years.
I'd catch this quick, keep her away from your children. Kids don't learn this defiance on their own and she seems to have control over her household. There's no way a watchful mother can't modify this behavior in such a small child. (it sounds like the older one is parroting something she's heard and acting the way she's been treated, imo)
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When I don't let her get her way, even if it's the smallest thing, she FREAKS out and throws giant tantrums, to the point where she looks like a completely different person. It's scary. 
