How to deal with "hoarder" brother with Tax issues and a shared inherited house (counselor, mom)

[marlinfshr]

I don't know if this would belong here or in another place and may be quite long but I am having a problem.

For starters, my wife has filed for a divorce (hopefully we can work through it) and I have moved in with my brother. We get along fine and have (and still) work together some. Those are not the issues at hand!

Now, my dad died in 2015 and my mom died in 2020 and the house is handed down to me and my brother, though he has been the one living in it since my mom died.

Now, were getting somewhere with the background and here are the issues.

1) He is the executer of the estate, and the house is still in my mom's name. As is the mortgage and the insurance. I feel like a squatter though the mortgage has been kept up. He has been paying as he would need to pay rent anyway. Everything was to be split 50/50 between us but I have felt since the day she died that it hasn't been that way.

2) He has issues with the states taxes from not paying in 2002 or 2003. Basically, he cant have anything in his name. A major reason for never reporting mom's death to the bank. To add to it, he has lied a bunch. "I'll take care of it", I'll call a lawyer", Blah, blah, blah. I don't even know if living here is legal and even if it is, insurance would not cover anything because it, of course, is still in her name!

3) Tax issues again as his trucks registration ran out a few years ago, he reinstated paying his taxes , fixed his truck and all was good, except the tires were trashed. Well, since I had just bought a new truck and usually lift and install larger tires later, I rushed it when I did not have the money to do it. I gave him my tires and bought new wheels/tires/lift for my truck so he could have transportation as I knew how it would play out if I didn't. Well, wife had license but wasn't using car, brother stopped paying the state his monthly back taxes and his truck registration expired.

Since he was working for me I, along with his promise, and permission from my wife, "LENT" him my other car. Of course, since he doesn't take care of anything, it quickly went to hell and he still has it. Again, he can't register a car in his name because of taxes.

4)Part of the reason for divorce (a large part) is because I guess I "gave" him the car. I gave him tires and wheels....all because he had "promised" to find out what to do by contacting a lawyer...which he never did!

5) He is a hoarder. He never went through any of our parent's things to throw away and my mom never liked to throw anything away. He doesn't like it when I try to clean up and try to make this place remotely livable. The office is so full of junk that it has now piled up things in the living room and on the kitchen table. I refuse to eat anything when he cooks because I want him to try to see how he just leaves the dishes to pile up for a week or more and never puts anything away. For Christs sakes there are 3 trashcans in the kitchen plus he opens up the paper bags for trash that he gets when he goes to the store.

6) He is always broke and has kept a storage shed at 200/250/month for the past 20 plus years filled with more crap. This house is a 3/3 with a huge upstairs attic and a 2 car garage and the attic is filled and you cant get into the garage.

7) His truck as well as my dad's car are still in the driveway, with expired tags and he is still paying insurance on them, so the state won't charge him for the daily rate of keeping expired tags. Something about not wanting to flag the HOA with untagged vehicles. Car has not run (bad transmission) since 2020 and the truck has been parked since 2021. They have left indentations in the asphalt driveway. I park on the street with the only decent vehicle!

Good to know that if there is a fire, the broken-down car and truck will be covered but the house wont.

This is driving me insane as I can't live like this.

I want to approach him about selling the house. Of course, if it gets transferred to our names and sold, guess where all the profit will go? I believe to the state for HIS unpaid taxes. There is a lien on his truck and my dads car (put in my brothers name after dad died) so as soon as the house gets transferred over, I'm sure a lein will go on that as well so me, who does not have tax issues, will be affected because of this.

He won't listen and he keeps kicking the can farther along, except now, I believe, he has hit a wall as I'm not going for it. That can can't go any further!

I am starting a purge of all our parent's crap. He wants to go through the paperwork and burn whats not needed. He has had 3 1/2 years. Besides, why do you need to go through that anyway. My spot checks see crap dated 1970, 1965'1967---really. Cancelled checks from 1984 that he needs to go through. Give me a frikin break. As soon as I get a few bucks I'm going to see a lawyer as to what can be done.

I have my own problems going on and don't need this on top of it.

Any ideas?

[Pitt Chick]

Get a lawyer ASAP.

[TeaByrd]

Originally Posted by Pitt Chick

Get a lawyer ASAP.

I agree.

As for the hoarding, there are counselors and other professionals who specialize in dealing with it, like in that TV show about hoarders.

It's really up to you to decide what you want to tackle first, the legalities of selling the home or the hoarding. Me, I would focus on the hoarding because a) you are living in that mess, yourself, and b) you won't be able to sell the home until it is cleaned out, and it will most likely require some work such as refinishing the floors, painting the interior (and maybe the exterior), and making sure it's structurally sound. The higher the level of hoarding on the scale from 1 to 5, the more likely it is that there are issues like unseen leaks, cracks, and mold, and the more likely it is that there are infestations of bugs or rodents.

What level of hoarding is he?

[Parnassia]

Originally Posted by Pitt Chick

Get a lawyer ASAP.

This. Resolving this is beyond the C-D paygrade. Yes, your brother has issues but so do you. Although some of the specific details differ, you seem to drift along letting things slide instead of facing up to them too. Some counseling could clarify why and how your relationship with your brother feeds into it.

Get legal advice. Take steps to settle your parents' estates and close that book once and for all. Your parents certainly wouldn't have wanted this ongoing mess. I know your brother was the named executor, but as an heir you can and should contest his "management" of estate assets and failure to carry through with his obligations. Even though the house is still in your mother's name you might still end up partially liable for back taxes. Your brother could become the anchor that sinks your boat too. Reclaim your rights to your inheritance before it melts into nothing. Either that or be prepared to disengage and walk away entirely.

Stop enabling your brother. Refuse to prop up his lifestyle. Move out, separate your financial dealings from his and reclaim your personal property. He has no incentive to change anything if no one dislodges him from his hole. You didn't go into the details of why your wife wants a divorce (that's your private business) but based on the situation you described here I can guess what some of her reasons might be.

[marlinfshr]

Originally Posted by Parnassia

Stop enabling your brother. Move out, separate your financial dealings from his and stop propping up his lifestyle. Reclaim your personal property. He has no incentive to change anything if no one dislodges him from his hole. You didn't go into the details of why your wife wants a divorce (that's your private business) but based on the situation you described here I can guess what some of her reasons might be.

I agree 110%. I have a drive to move up and ahead, he is happy casually just crawling along. Me and my wife have talked a bunch and we both agree that he is pulling me down. My work as well, I use him some when I could do things on my own. BTW, I have had cancer, heart attacks, bypass surgery, kidney failure, dialysis and a transplant but I seem to be the one working the most.

I feel I need to talk to a lawyer (yes I know this is well above a CD paygrade) but sometimes its good hearing from others.

Yes, I sometimes have thoughts of draining oil or other stupid, NON dangerous things to the car because I feel that if it breaks down it will force him to do something. I don't sleep good at times because of the stress as that car is in my name and so is the insurance and he can't stay awake while driving.

Yes, we get along great but every time I try to bring this up he doesn't want to hear it. I called a lawyer about taxes last year and basically, they said a few grand in fees (of course) and they could knock his taxes down considerably....all he has to do is call and get a free consultation. he just assumes it will cost 10 grand just to ask a few questions.

He doesn't want me to get involved as it is "his" problem and shushes me whenever I bring it up. I guess he doesn't understand that it is my problem as well! And I still have goals in my life!

[tamajane]

You have a lot on your plate.

You will have to consult with an estate lawyer on your own to find out about the taxes, etc. and how to protect your portion of the inheritance. I wouldn't even tell your brother you are doing this. The longer this goes on the messier it is going to get.

Maybe just keep things calm right now and deal with your marital issues first. ? If you have to live in the house with your brother don't rock the boat too much. Maybe you can go through some of the old paperwork together, since he is such a procrastinator (and hoarders do need to go through everything). The important thing is that when he does see what is there that he can get rid of it. If he's serious about burning it fine, as long as it actually gets done. If he decides to save a bunch of it then it's his to store and take with him when the house is cleaned out and sold.

I also inherited a home with an irresponsible hoarder, I feel your pain.

[Parnassia]

Originally Posted by marlinfshr

Yes, we get along great but every time I try to bring this up he doesn't want to hear it.

Of course you "get along great"! You're both avoiding the same unfinished business. You're his partner in that regard. He can count on you for it. As soon as you suggest taking any action you don't get along so great, right?

[tamajane]

Originally Posted by Parnassia

Of course you "get along great"! You're both avoiding the same unfinished business. You're his partner in that regard. He can count on you for it. As soon as you suggest taking any action you don't get along so great, right?

It's brother's legal duty to administer the estate and distribute the assets. He doesn't seem willing or able. Why on earth he was named executor who knows. Parents are weird like that sometimes.

[ticking]

If it were me, I think I'd like to cash out the house, distance myself from both the brother and the wife that is divorcing you and start afresh. At that point, you can make your own decisions on how you want to live and not be at the mercy of all this weirdness.

[Hollytree]

Big red flag is that the house is still in your mother's name and "he (your brother) hasn't reported it to the bank".

So I assume there's a mortgage? You need to get copies of Mom's death certificate and send them to the bank, social security, and anywhere else it hasn't been reported. If back taxes are owed and your brother can't or won't pay, you'll both lose the place. Is the ultimate pay out when the house is sold worth a lot of aggravation to you? If it is- proceed, if not stay away!

At some point, the house will go into probate (I assume there's a will since he's the executor). You'll need a lawyer to get your inheritance. Otherwise, you'll be flailing since your brother is obviously unable to handle the situation.