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If it hasn't been asked does she abuse other substances? She may abuse prescription pills too?
I saw your post about all of you have the same circle of friends, what does that say about them? Do they have substance abuse problems?
I am not attacking you just asking some tough questions you should be asking. I have exp with this area and what I have found is that many abuse drugs and alchohol to self medicate pain. It could be mental health issues, it could be a bad childhood or previous bad relationship.
My point is this. People don't become binge drinkers in a vacuum. They drink for a reason and it's not social.
Just thought I would add this 17 years ago I married an alcoholic and last week he literally drank himself to death alone in a dirty apartment and nobody found his body for three days. This was a man that had a masters degree, retired at age 47, we owned a house two wonderful dogs, vacations all our bills paid for in full. I now get everything including the sadness and the guilt.....the PTSD the bruises on my heart. I lost my dogs because now I live in a tiny apartment because my husband cared more about drinking than paying the mortgage. Mostly he is now dead though.
It's one thing to be married to someone who becomes an alcoholic during the marriage - it's a whole other thing to CHOOSE to date an alcoholic who is not in recovery.
Anyone who would make that choice has issues themselves and needs to get some counseling.
I’m 30 and she’s 27. We’ve been dating for a year and a half and live together. At first, I thought she was just a fun sorority girl who liked to go out and have fun on the weekends. But now, I see it’s much worse than that. She drinks as she cooks dinner almost every night. She drinks at brunch, after a night out to help the hangovers. She drinks to the point that she can’t stand almost every weekend. Lately, it’s been almost embarrassing to take her to social events, as I know she’s going to make a scene and stumble everywhere. She gets upset with herself after a day of drinking and she realizes all the money she spent and how dumb she acts.
The thing is, she’s a very smart and successful girl. She has a great corporate job and never let’s drinking effect her performance at work.
I’ve told her I’m concerned. I’ve told her it bothers me. She says when I tell her that I’m concerned for her, that it makes her feel bad and that she will try to control herself better. But, it never happens. It’s getting to the point that I don’t even believe that she wants to change anymore. Last weekend, when we were at a birthday party, I joked with her saying “Just watch, you’ll be up drunk dancing (to the band) in 2 hrs” and she said, “no, I won’t.” Literally, 2 hours later she couldn’t even stand. It’s pathetic.
However, I love her. Do I stay with her or not? I feel like she is bringing me down with her. I don’t want to spend my entire life taking care of her or dealing with her drunkenness. What do I do?
Anyone posting here about their alcoholic partner, please read the links below. Love yourself enough to do the best for you.
I want you to read these two websites. At this point, you need to save yourself....Because believe it or not, once you realize your partner is alcoholic, this is just the start of it getting worse. Good luck to you
Co-dependency: excellant, with blogs and many resources...Codependency
Anyone posting here about their alcoholic partner, please read the links below. Love yourself enough to do the best for you.
I want you to read these two websites. At this point, you need to save yourself....Because believe it or not, once you realize your partner is alcoholic, this is just the start of it getting worse. Good luck to you
Co-dependency: excellant, with blogs and many resources...Codependency
No he's not drinking now but it's always a possibility. He goes to AA and a psychiatrist but most importantly he watches and balances his life better.
Years and years of counselling alcoholics have given me one irrefutable take-away; they must be confronted with the ultimate end scenario of servicing their addiction. Enabling them is akin to slowly aiding a terribly long and painful suicide.
The very, very, rare few are able to understand their ultimate destination by being shown the end result without experiencing it, but MOST have to experience being right at the bottom of that long dark mineshaft of despair where there is nowhere else to go but out of life's opportunity altogether or upwards, but the climb will be long and arduous.
An alcoholic's life WILL be marked by many missteps regardless. All those choosing to nurture an alcoholic need immeasurable amounts of strength, devotion and forgiveness.
Were I in the position of watching a friend committing to an alcoholic; I would try every persuasive argument I could think of to dissuade them, failing that goal, I would prepare myself for a very long period of providing a shoulder for their need.
If I've succeeded in postulating a bleak and foreboding future for anyone thinking of committing to an alcoholic, good, because you are betting against the house with every deck on the table stacked against you.
Work at your current sphere of friendships to cement them solidly because you ARE most certainly going to need them.
Years and years of counselling alcoholics have given me one irrefutable take-away; they must be confronted with the ultimate end scenario of servicing their addiction. Enabling them is akin to slowly aiding a terribly long and painful suicide.
Wow! Your post was great!! I thought about being a drug and alcohol counselor at one time but was aware that I would get completely burned out, without a larger assortment of issues. The subject of alcoholism is boring to me although I do like Carl Jung better than Sigmond Freud.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BruSan
Were I in the position of watching a friend committing to an alcoholic; I would try every persuasive argument I could think of to dissuade them, failing that goal, I would prepare myself for a very long period of providing a shoulder for their need.
I guess that is what I was talking about in my above post. Not everyone will listen to this crap. Or, I really should be more understanding and sometimes I am but there is nothing wrong with eliminating the gene pool of alcoholics by their own elimination, is there?
Last edited by thegreenflute334; 09-13-2014 at 10:29 PM..
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