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As is said in the Relationships half-zoo, women do approach men, not just great-looking guys, but seldom overtly asking them out. I think it sort of happened to me this week (haha, I can just see women here getting annoyed at the idea of me being liked). I don't think it happened for Elliot Rodger and because he didn't meet local looks standards.
Ya but its still very rare for a woman to be the initiator, approach a guy first and start conversation
Definitely. Sex is trumped up so much by the media that the age kids start taking curiousity becomes lower and lower. Granted, youth's curiousity towards sex isn't new (all youth is curious; plus, Casanova started at age 12, and he was born in 1725!). But mass media trumps it up way too much. Sex is a big deal, but it's just so complex when mixed in with human emotions and relationships that, when thrown in with the hormones and mental changes of the adolescent stage, it causes problems. Generally, adolescents and kids just aren't ready for it until they finish growing (that totally depends on the person though). They keep getting exposed because so many adults either don't care, are ignorant, or aren't smart enough to properly censor what their children take in, both from media and their home and family environment. So it leads to issues.
Yes, the media and the social media squeeze tight the pressures on everyone, but mostly teens and younger adults. And add to that the fact that teens and younger adults still have very immature brains PLUS are riding the hormone roller coaster, with their primary fears being stuck on lacking popularity, not fitting in with peers, not being admired, and (for guys) not getting girls in the sack, and you end up with one helluva lot of insanity.
Nasty stuff. It enslaves teens and young adults.
It's so nice when FINALLY one wakes up free (or at least freer) from that media and social media crap, to do pretty much any damned thing one wishes without feeling one has to prove anything to peers, and for one's peers to start not giving a damn either what anyone thinks.
I'm with you that parents need to grab hold of the reigns and stop some of the madness.
A guy can't keep his head stuck in the sand only so long. A big shot of self esteem goes a long ways. A guy goes to Costa Rica and has sex with 5 beautiful women and then he comes home and in the guy world he is definitely way above the other nerds in his group of friends. I recommend any single guy to go there, even if he has no desire to buy sex. A definite thing that so many guys would love to experience.
I want to make sure I understand you here, are you suggesting that guys in Rodger's situation should go to a foreign country and pay for sex. I am not against a man paying for sex and don't judge them for it but honestly the only thing it would be good for is releasing sexual tension and you can tell people you aren't a virgin if people ask and that's it. Having to pay for sex when most people got it for free will not do much to boost your self-esteem or change who you are as a person.
Masculinity is alive and well, but it's not what is being peddled on those websites. The majority of people, male and female, make their way through life, have friends and lovers in real life (not on the computer) and eventually commit to one person for a number of years. They raise families, work and enjoy life to the extent possible given their individual circumstances.
The so-called men who follow those MRA websites are frustrated, whiny babies who lash out when they don't get what they want. They are the opposite of masculine and their advice is useless.
There's an old adage that if you want to be rich, hang out with rich people, if you want to be smart, hang out with smart people, etc. There is a lot of truth to that. Men who are successful with women don't hang out on websites talking about how terrible women are. If you truly want a relationship with a flesh-and-blood woman, get off the computer and ask someone out. OTOH, if you just want to beat your...chest... and complain about how everything sucks for you, keep doing what you're doing.
Again, I agree with everything you said. What's bolded is also good advice, but without further explanation it concerns me slightly. I think it's only good advice if employed one of two ways.
1. Get tips on being successful with money, women (men) or on maximizing your smarts from people who start with similar attributes as you, or
2. Interpret what you learn in a very general sense.
Here's why. If I want to be a better basketball player, there's nothing specific that LeBron James does on the basketball court that would translate to my game. I'd be much better off emulating a rec league player with similar general athletic ability to mine but who maxes out that ability. What I could learn fro LeBron James might be more off the court stuff like training, practice, preperation, etc. More general.
Applied to the social arena, there are some people who are naturals. They look and and act the part of "attractive person" without much effort or affect. They often make good choices like being well dressed, well groomed, etc, that adds to their attractiveness, but they start with attributes that can't really be learned or that can only be approximated, with those approximations always visible to someone with a discerning eye. You can't develop height, body type, facial bone structure, or the unpracticed ease some have with others.
The reason I think this matters is because the answers for people who struggle need to be things they can hear and apply. One of the grossest lies some PUA types spread is that men's looks don't matter. "Just use XYZ technique and you'll have women falling all over you". Besides being patently untrue and insulting to men and women, it sets up less attractive men to feel like further failures when XYZ doesn't work.
In a similar sense, advice to do what good looking, socially poised, and naturally confident people do might set up people who lack those underlying attributes.
I want to make sure I understand you here, are you suggesting that guys in Rodger's situation should go to a foreign country and pay for sex. I am not against a man paying for sex and don't judge them for it but honestly the only thing it would be good for is releasing sexual tension and you can tell people you aren't a virgin if people ask and that's it. Having to pay for sex when most people got it for free will not do much to boost your self-esteem or change who you are as a person.
I agree that it's insane to tell someone to go to another country and USE women for sexual fun. Self-respect is essential in every aspect of our life, including socializing. In order to develop self-respect one cannot be engaging in the using of human beings as if they were tools. This does nothing for the development of self-respect, and in fact takes away from it by making a person feel inside like a total d***.
I have said since I was young that every sexually active female should take one for the team at least once in her life and give a geeky timid sort of guy a shot. My motivation was not to stop murderers though, it was to stop computer hackers. I wondered what motivated people to dedicate so much of their lives towards the purpose of wrecking the computers of strangers and decided it was probably anger at the world due to loneliness. Whenever I would get a virus I would say "looks like the virgins got me again". Even one instance of validation through physical contact with a person of the opposite sex might give them that different perspective on their lives that would keep them from festering until they boil over and lash out.
Beautiful women have great power, and with it comes great responsibility.
I have said since I was young that every sexually active female should take one for the team at least once in her life and give a geeky timid sort of guy a shot. My motivation was not to stop murderers though, it was to stop computer hackers. I wondered what motivated people to dedicate so much of their lives towards the purpose of wrecking the computers of strangers and decided it was probably anger at the world due to loneliness. Whenever I would get a virus I would say "looks like the virgins got me again". Even one instance of validation through physical contact with a person of the opposite sex might give them that different perspective on their lives that would keep them from festering until they boil over and lash out.
Beautiful women have great power, and with it comes great responsibility.
the whole reason wars are fought is because of ultimately not enough ***** to go around. The problem is that it's in the guys hands to win a woman over, women usually do not initiate. Lack of socialization is ultimately what produces most of the weirdos out there, whether it's because of shyness or whatever.
What might help is taking the kids who have no friends at a very young age, and basically forcing them into some sort of group where they can socialize. It's very important in the development of a child (age 6-10) to have friends and socialize in a healthy manner.
There's not much you can do once people get older, although a woman could make the first move and ask out the shy character she is interested in... this idea that a guy must initiate creates a number of problems in today's society where gender roles are out the window....
The smart thing a woman could do is marry their best friend... rather they want 'mystery' and 'excitement' instead and the types of guys that provide this generally are sometimes not the best fathers, though some can be both exciting and good fathers. It's also worth mentioning that good looking or smooth men will get away with things other men don't. Picking up women is a skill like any other... very much animal driven instincts and emotion.
Forced socializing has to be done carefully. Small groups of nice kids. I don't know if anyone formally uses the technique. I agree with everything in the post.
By the way, to learn about Mystery, Google "mystery speed seduction." He used to be on TV. PUA Hate made fun of the guy. I was on that site partly because I think PUA is sleazy and mostly a scam.
I have said since I was young that every sexually active female should take one for the team at least once in her life and give a geeky timid sort of guy a shot. My motivation was not to stop murderers though, it was to stop computer hackers. I wondered what motivated people to dedicate so much of their lives towards the purpose of wrecking the computers of strangers and decided it was probably anger at the world due to loneliness. Whenever I would get a virus I would say "looks like the virgins got me again". Even one instance of validation through physical contact with a person of the opposite sex might give them that different perspective on their lives that would keep them from festering until they boil over and lash out.
Beautiful women have great power, and with it comes great responsibility.
People don't hack computers because they are virgins, they hack them because they are bored a-holes who do it "for the lulz" as they call it. It's the same reason people troll. They're just douchebags looking to make other people's lives a little bit harder.
It does seem that in this society there is this prevailing mentality that whenever a man (or a woman) has a problem there's is this suggestion that is always levied at them "you need to get laid". Whenever I hear I can't help but facepalm.
People don't hack computers because they are virgins, they hack them because they are bored a-holes who do it "for the lulz" as they call it. It's the same reason people troll. They're just douchebags looking to make other people's lives a little bit harder.
It does seem that in this society there is this prevailing mentality that whenever a man (or a woman) has a problem there's is this suggestion that is always levied at them "you need to get laid". Whenever I hear I can't help but facepalm.
There are similarities between trolls and hackers and I would bet that people who dedicate large parts of their lives to trolling suffer from similar issues. One big difference though....trolling just takes natural talent, while hacking takes real dedication. Also real live human companionship is it's own boredom buster and lulz provider!
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