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I'm having a tough time at the moment and really need some advice.
1) I've been unhappy in my job for a long while and I'm struggling to get a new one, therefore at the same time I'm really struggling with money and I'm forced to still live at home.
2) I don't get on with my parents as they're sexist and have allowed my brothers gf to move in when I'm not even allowed to have a friend over.
3) My brother is argumentative and condescending and makes my life quite difficult. He massively bullies me and I end up having to keep quiet just to keep the peace.
4) On top of this my grandfather recently died and we were quite close so it's been hard to deal with my feelings.
5) I'm also single and at an age (mid-20s) where everyone in my life seems to have settled down, yet I'm having absolutely no luck with dating. I haven't even been on a date in months. And whenever I meet a guy I like, something inevitably goes wrong early on and we never end up in a relationship. The last time I liked a guy, he strung me along for ages and I didn't realise I was a back-burner girl. I'm absolutely terrified that I'm going to continue on like this for the rest of my life and never marry, and that makes me want to die.
I'm so, so frustrated and struggling to find reasons to go on with my life right now and don't have anything to look forward to or be happy about. I really don't know how to get out of this rut I'm currently in. Any words of advice would be much appreciated.
Keep looking for a new job. Expand your search out of your comfort zone.Go to another city or another state if necessary. When you do get a job, get a roommate if necessary and move out of your parents' house
Moving out will solve problems # 2 & 3.
Got to the grief and mourning section of city data. Discuss your feeling for your relative there. Or find any
other online grief forum.
Develop interests in life. Then join meetups where you can meet people of similar interests.It's a good way to meet male company. And don't forget that women you may meet there have brothers, cousins, in-laws, etc. Take a class, join a hiking club, a political groups, etc.
I'm sorry to hear your not doing so well. When I've was in similar circumstances I tried every single day to count my blessings, regardless of how small or ridiculous they seemed, for I knew there were people out there who had it so much worse than I. You have tomorrow to look forward to vs. someone dying of an illness. In that you have your health. You have a roof over your head vs living in your vehicle or a dark corner in some alley on the street. You have a job which gives you money to save towards getting the hell out of there vs. someone who has to feed his children and is unemployed and can't find a job thereby needing to ask the almighty insensitive state for help feeding his children. Sorry about your Grand father. A relationship right now will not make things better for you might just seek that as a means of escape from all that is "wrong" in your life now. You want a healthy relationship when you can hold your own financially. Keep at it. Stay strong. And everyday think of it as one step closer to freedom. Avoid those that target you, stay in your room, get an extra part time job. Make a mental goal of what you want to achieve everyday and avoid negative people. When it happened to me, long ago, I stayed in my room doing my college work, came down for meals, helped clean up the dishes, left back to my room. You really want to be free from the hostile, mentally abusive people and in a better environment as well as healthier state of mind before a relationship. Think of yourself and getting done what needs to be done to get out of there, even if it's room mate with someone. One step at a time and count all the blessings, make yourself, it will get better...
However, your 20's can suck, especially if you perceive everyone else is moving ahead around you.
FWIW, those who appear so happy and successful are just paddling as hard as they can, like the rest of us.
You sound like you may have depression, so see a doctor. Get some exercise. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! A lot of young folks "live" at home but rarely spend any time there as they are too busy having fun.
Your carefree life (it is, you know) should allow you to have a very active social life.
Very active social lives can lead to new opportunities, a great job maybe, new friends, a boyfriend, whatever.
Learning is also good, you sound a prize candidate for online study to improve your future.
I note the way you say "I stay quiet to keep the peace" - it tells me you're spending far too much time with them, and also may be in a very dysfunctional family.
If the latter is the case, I'm sorry but the only solution is to get a second job and move out.
I worked two jobs my early 20's. Office during the day, bar at night. I earnt a small fortune and when you're doing a 60 hour week, you really don't give a chit about other people's head games.
Including your own familys' head games.
I am nearly 50 and still struggling with my legacy of dysfunction.
My therapist stated it bluntly "either they are with you, or they are against you". Meaning anyone I let in my life.
They 100% support me, or out they go. Scary but much more effective than spending decades with personality disorders, being blamed for every thing under the sun.
You are not responsible for any one else's feelings but your own.
I'm having a tough time at the moment and really need some advice.
1) I've been unhappy in my job for a long while and I'm struggling to get a new one, therefore at the same time I'm really struggling with money and I'm forced to still live at home.
2) I don't get on with my parents as they're sexist and have allowed my brothers gf to move in when I'm not even allowed to have a friend over.
3) My brother is argumentative and condescending and makes my life quite difficult. He massively bullies me and I end up having to keep quiet just to keep the peace.
4) On top of this my grandfather recently died and we were quite close so it's been hard to deal with my feelings.
5) I'm also single and at an age (mid-20s) where everyone in my life seems to have settled down, yet I'm having absolutely no luck with dating. I haven't even been on a date in months. And whenever I meet a guy I like, something inevitably goes wrong early on and we never end up in a relationship. The last time I liked a guy, he strung me along for ages and I didn't realise I was a back-burner girl. I'm absolutely terrified that I'm going to continue on like this for the rest of my life and never marry, and that makes me want to die.
I'm so, so frustrated and struggling to find reasons to go on with my life right now and don't have anything to look forward to or be happy about. I really don't know how to get out of this rut I'm currently in. Any words of advice would be much appreciated.
My advice will be like everyone else's prolly.
-Keep looking for a new job. Take a second, part-time gig if you have to (more on this later).
-Prioritize moving out - start looking for roommates or a low-cost living option. For example, I own a house and will soon be renting out a room to help with costs (I already have one roommate) - the new roommate won't be paying too much in rent and nothing for utilities, and they're welcome to any extra food I may have (I buy too much, so often it just goes to waste). I just want someone to help contribute to my bottom line a bit and to maybe be here to look after the dogs when I go on business trips. Check out housing options listed at local colleges - many times people advertising rooms to rent with students would be much happier to rent to a responsible and independent adult.
-Find a way to see a therapist or at least go to a doctor for some medication, as you are depressed. I was too in my 20s. This is normal. But you have to push through it or you're always going to feel like this.
-Set boundaries with your family and start distancing yourself from them - they sound pretty toxic. It's time to start articulating (politely, firmly) what you will accept and what you won't accept in terms of treatment. If they are adding to your unhappiness, it's time to lessen their role in your life.
-Finally, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. Go to the library and read, go to the bookstore, walk around the mall or the park, take up running, go to meetups (meetup.com), etc. Just keep yourself active and away from the people you are currently forced to live with.
About that second job - I got a part-time retail job at a time when I was very sad. It was at a bookstore and I met so many other people who also shared my passion for reading. We remain friends to this day (some 10-15 years later). And the money helped as well. It will also get you out of the house away from your family. I have another friend who is younger and is now waitressing to make ends meet - she loves the social interaction of her job (and she's an introvert).
I know the feeling. I hate my job too, but am glad to live on my own. Moving out will solve the bulk of your problems. I know it won't be easy when you know you are being mistreated or treated unfairly, it eats away at your self-esteem even more, but you've got to force yourself to do this, in your time as you're ready but as soon as you can. Good luck to you.
I haven't totally given up, but I mostly just chug along doing the bare minimum to afford cheap digs and have some standard of living (I live on 16,000 a year) I too have no luck with dating/relationships mostly because I live in an area that's not good for that and my social skills have always been very poor.
I'm having a tough time at the moment and really need some advice.
1) I've been unhappy in my job for a long while and I'm struggling to get a new one, therefore at the same time I'm really struggling with money and I'm forced to still live at home.
2) I don't get on with my parents as they're sexist and have allowed my brothers gf to move in when I'm not even allowed to have a friend over.
3) My brother is argumentative and condescending and makes my life quite difficult. He massively bullies me and I end up having to keep quiet just to keep the peace.
4) On top of this my grandfather recently died and we were quite close so it's been hard to deal with my feelings.
5) I'm also single and at an age (mid-20s) where everyone in my life seems to have settled down, yet I'm having absolutely no luck with dating. I haven't even been on a date in months. And whenever I meet a guy I like, something inevitably goes wrong early on and we never end up in a relationship. The last time I liked a guy, he strung me along for ages and I didn't realise I was a back-burner girl. I'm absolutely terrified that I'm going to continue on like this for the rest of my life and never marry, and that makes me want to die.
I'm so, so frustrated and struggling to find reasons to go on with my life right now and don't have anything to look forward to or be happy about. I really don't know how to get out of this rut I'm currently in. Any words of advice would be much appreciated.
Maybe you need an adventure. There's such a big wide world to see out there.
I never feel like life isn't worth living but sometimes if it seems like it's getting dreary, I think about hopping on a bus and going somewhere, just find some other city or town and start all over -- actually I did that when I was in my 20s but not out of depression but just to try some whole different place and see if I could make it where I didn't know anyone.
My niece and her friend got tired of stuff - she dropped out of college and they packed up their van and headed to wherever they would end up. They had a destination in mind but made a wrong turn so they kept on driving and checked out that place for a few days and then they got back to their original destination, lived out of their van for a while, got jobs that let ends meet even if barely. Then got better jobs. One headed back to her hometown and met someone and married.
Sometimes you have to find yourself before you find someone else -- or sometimes when you find yourself, you don't need someone else.
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