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Anyhow, with all the diagnosing from the OP and others in this thread I have to wonder if the OP is either exaggerating or has personal issues himself. No person with their mental and emotional shyte together would leave their own child in danger. Either direction points to the OP having personal issues that he needs to reconcile on top of whatever issues his wife and child have.
I have not read all the comments, but, I am perplexed as to WHY she is making an issue of a problem with the school when you are moving soon. It makes no sense. There are other things to do like listing the house, etc. Btw, I've never agreed with leaving the family behind to finish school, etc. It's more important for a family to be TOGETHER.
I have not read all the comments, but, I am perplexed as to WHY she is making an issue of a problem with the school when you are moving soon. It makes no sense. There are other things to do like listing the house, etc. Btw, I've never agreed with leaving the family behind to finish school, etc. It's more important for a family to be TOGETHER.
lv2trvl,
Precisely, and that is why I was so angry and perplexed, but I have concluded reason has little to do with it. She sees the school issues with our son as a personal threat, somehow. What I was struggling with was a spectacular battle with the school and an inability or unwillingness to help with even 5% of the moving tasks. Hard to fathom. I was afraid she was losing it for good. However, I think it was a compounding of all the stresses Oldhag1 so ably summarized, a personal and emotional battle she created, some of her emotional blind spots, and no doubt a few of my own. I agree a family should move together, if possible. I know we will in the future. I am not going through this again!
Brawnwyn,
The BPD realization (I should not call it a diagnosis-I am no professional) fits not only this event but a long history of similar, though lower intensity events. The whole "I hate you! Don't leave me!" style is something that rings true over nearly two decades of marriage. I am not going to diagnose her, or rub her nose in anything. That would be foolish; she would counterattack in a nanosecond with fury of cornered wolverine, and close her mind tight as a drum. However, I am thinking of my son, and the realization that we have very likely a genetic-based issue to deal with will help us get him (and her) to eventually get the help they need. My love for them will not be something they have to worry about. And I have no doubt I need help too, with my own issues. I have no problem admitting that. What I am so thankful for is that I think we now have a plan that blends compassion and decisiveness (I was lacking both when I started this thread), a doable time window, and we are going to get out of this rough patch as a family.
I am very, very thankful for the advice people shared here!
Last edited by Fiddlehead; 06-14-2014 at 02:26 PM..
The BPD realization (I should not call it a diagnosis-I am no professional) fits not only this event but a long history of similar, though lower intensity events. The whole "I hate you! Don't leave me!" style is something that rings true over nearly two decades of marriage. I am not going to diagnose her, or rub her nose in anything. That would be foolish; she would counterattack in a nanosecond with fury of cornered wolverine, and close her mind tight as a drum. However, I am thinking of my son, and the realization that we have very likely a genetic-based issue to deal with will help us get him (and her) to eventually get the help they need. My love for them will not be something they have to worry about. And I have no doubt I need help too, with my own issues. I have no problem admitting that. What I am so thankful for is that I think we now have a plan that blends compassion and decisiveness (I was lacking both when I started this thread), a doable time window, and we are going to get out of this rough patch as a family.
I wish your family the best and hope you guys manage the move safely. It's likely your job, or your insurance plan, offers mental health services. It might do you well to seek counsel with professionals during this time given the gravity of the situation as you explain it.
Not read all of this, just surfing. Have you thought of praying Fiddlehead? I'm not joking, or schmoozing you. I'm British, from the Uk. I had a work colleague once, who told me (in the communal gents bathroom at work, as you do) his wife wanted to leave him. ...I think I was the last to find out! I said, "well Bob, God loves desperate people. We will pray for you at our home group meeting tonight." And we did. Next day, he came to me and said, " when I got him last night, she said she didn't want to leave me, and would stay." I said that it was God who had done that, and you know what he said. "I don't believe any of that stuff." :-)
Regards,
Age
Last edited by Age-enduring; 06-14-2014 at 04:02 PM..
Reason: Added smiley face
Not read all of this, just surfing. Have you thought of praying Fiddlehead? I'm not joking, or schmoozing you. I'm British, from the Uk. I had a work colleague once, who told me (in the communal gents bathroom at work, as you do) his wife wanted to leave him. ...I think I was the last to find out! I said, "well Bob, God loves desperate people. We will pray for you at our home group meeting tonight." And we did. Next day, he came to me and said, " when I got him last night, she said she didn't want to leave me, and would stay." I said that it was God who had done that, and you know what he said. "I don't believe any of that stuff." :-)
Regards,
Age
'
Well, I will take any and all help I can get. I am not opposed to receiving, or giving prayer. Thanks for this.
'
Well, I will take any and all help I can get. I am not opposed to receiving, or giving prayer. Thanks for this.
I'll offer another thought.. but I think you might 'off' on your diagnosis. ( then again we all could because none of us really know the situation) But I did hear you say that she was fighting the school, which you are classifying as BPD. What I am seeing in this has nothing to do with the school and it doesn't have anything to do with your son. She is transferring energy-- or what she needs to do, and concentrating on the school which is an excuse not to do anything. I know you said she drinks but this sounds like clinical depression or something to me. How long has she been drinking?
I also think the alcohol is a factor in her behavior. Best wishes to you and your family. I hope you will be together soon.
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