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Talk to a lawyer, not tomorrow, today. If you want any chance of custody, now or down the road, leaving the house and child, leaving her with an addict, and living 2 hours away, you could be doing some serious damage to those chances. Right now you are on the road to "abondoning" your wife and child in the eyes of the court. Slipperly slope, you need to speak with someone immediately and get the right advice. It might mean you move back in and deal with it for the time being, get a divorce, or legal separation, but you need to come up with at least a short term plan and quickly.
My lawyer told me during a rough patch in my marriage, if I was thinking of custody in any sort of form, to stay in the house, as moving out and away from kids is never a positive for my position. I don't mean to sound harsh but your situation is worse. 2 hours away and you left a 2 year old with an addict? That is really not going to look good. I would seek legal help, and if you are not doing so, document, document, document everything your wife does with her addiction.
Last edited by neildiamond11790; 06-16-2014 at 12:37 PM..
It sounds like you just moved in with your brother, 3 days ago. If you're not divorced or legally separated, couldn't you just go back?
The reason is control in a very good way.
You need to be with your daughter. And being out of the house means you will have zero influence on your wife, but still have to contribute funds with no strings attached.
It's the FINANCES that need to leave, and there are lots of choices there.
Separate the billing, credit, use an accountant, set aside auto bank payment
for utilities, car payments, food.
I would go home as well. No way in hell would I be separated from my kid for one second. I would learn to live with the addict if I had to. It doesn't matter what you do if your kid is not with you. Of course, hide your money, keep a separate bank account (in your mother's name or something), and keep your kid away from all the bull your wife is causing.
Awful choice to leave your daughter and move two hours away, and NOT pursue any type of custody arrangement. That could be seen as abandoning your child. Get an apartment or even a motel room near your daughter. Get partial custody. Right now, without any legal custody and having chosen to leave your child and move two hours away, you're setting yourself up towards a very difficult custody fight in the future if you later decide you want custody. Make sure you have partial custody legally before you decide to move away, and then make sure you have your daughter as often as your custody arrangement allows. Also, if you stayed in town near your daughter, instead of two hours away, then you could easily have your daughter half the week or during the evenings, while her aunt and grandma can still take care of her during the day.
What happened to your job, that you're able to move two hours away, anyhow? Did you find a new job within the last three days? I don't mean to sound cold, but all these circumstances just seem fishy. You're so quickly giving up any custody, because your wife is a good mom (until her gambling addiction starts to affect your daughter, that is), and apparently willing to leave your job as well, and move two hours away to live with your single brother.
By leaving your child with her mom, not only are you going to make it harder on yourself to get custody in the future, but you're kidding yourself if you think you won't end up paying through the nose in child support. And where do you think that child support is going to actually go? To support your child, or to support your wife's gambling addiction? You really need to rethink your choice, rethink what is best for your daughter, and not run away from the situation.
There are other reasons for the move than just the gambling, obviously. But if you really wanted to, you could live with your wife and daughter, and find ways to make things work. First thing, remove all her control over family finances. Where does her gambling money come from? Find a way to divert that money to something useful. If she must gamble, let her gamble cheap, for very low stakes.
But it depends on what the other reasons are for the move. You might not be clear even to yourself about all the reasons.
That and the fact he left the child with her will make it nearly impossible for him to change his mind later and use her gambling as reason to get custody.
I agree. He should have never left without his daughter.
Yes, I was wrong to have a child with her. Totally my mistake and the biggest mistake of my life. I was naive about this addiction. She was able to control it for a while and I thought everything was over. When you love someone, you can make mistakes and I did. Some of my relatives warned me about it and I didn't listen to them. If I can do it again I would have divorced her before we bring my child into this world.
Initially I wanted to ask my attorney to file for custody. After thinking it over, I don't have the support system for my child that my wife has. Her mom and her older sister watch my daughter during the days and they are very good care takers and love her to death. My wife is also a good mom so far. Let's say if I win custody, I have to put my daughter to some care center which can never be as good as grandma and aunt. Will I and my brother take good care of my daughter. My brother probably will not spend more than a few minutes with her. I read somewhere on the internet that the best solution is to have the least amount of changes for my daughter. Of course, my worst fear is that my wife gambling will affect my daughter mentally which right now doesn't seem to be the case. I am just so confused right now. I have to reconsider this decision. I will ask my attorney on whether I can let my wife keep my daughter but if things get worst, would I have the ability to reopen the case and fight for my daughter.
I will check out gam anon.
Thanks,
Why wouldn't they continue to watch her just because you had custody?
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