Do people come here to make threads just to get reaffirmation? (toxic)
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Do people here just want everyone to agree with them and then tell them they are right, your ex was a total freak/loser/b tch/weirdo ??
What good does that do really?
1. For example, in another thread a single mom posts about how she doesn't want divorced guys, at least college educated, boring descriptions, no crop out photos or other "poor" photos. She want's a guy with motivation and ambition, funny profiles, well taken photos, etc.
2. She then claims she is not overly picky.
3. She gets replies telling her she is too picky and needs to lower her standards or ask her what she brings to the table.
4. She gets mad at everyone.
so.....
What good does it do if she made a thread and everyone said to her, "good for you! Keep it up! Don't worry those guys are just losers."
Then she goes back to online dating and finds no one for years and years because she is still picky. Then comes online here again and makes another rant thread. Then everyone again sides with her and tells her "don't worry 45 is the new 20! You will eventually find someone!"
I guess some people like living in a Matrix/Cloud 9?
All of the above. And more.
If you have perceived that is their motive, you could be right or you could be wrong, since we are not there in real life to tell, nor are we mind readers.
just sometimes read online stuff as entertainment purposes only. Dont get frustrated by someone that is not in real life. whatcha gonna do? so all you can do is write your thoughts and its up to them to do with it as they see fit.
we do read a lot of crazy stuff that you wont find anywere!
And for every validation, there is a nasty person who makes mean and rude comments. Which, frankly, I find hurtful. So I would never post anything that is giving me stress and ask for validation again, based upon that. Not safe here, this is the Internet, there are some mean evil people just looking to cause pain and feel superior in their own pathetic little lives.
How about the guy who posted about his "relationship" with his hooker, and expected everyone to be OK with that?
Or the one who was having an affair while in what he described as an intolerable marriage?
I won't say we've seen everything here, but we've seen a lot.
ROFL. Yes indeed, now I feel like an old "CD" timer waxing nostalgic. Who can forget the man in 'relationship' and falling in love with his prostitute, or the lady with forty complaints about eating at dining establishments or the high school kid who periodically returns under different aliases that insists on knowing what he should do to impress (looks wise etc.) and win the love of some girl who doesn't care to be around him....ah, yes, CD the gift that keeps on giving.
To OP of course there is some of that (reaffirming/validation seeking) from the forums / threads I participate in I'd say it varies from 20 to 80 percent of those that seem to do so. In the world of internet now everyone (with internet savvy) can voice their concerns, questions, gripes, rants et. al. to their hearts content (barring expulsion due to rule violations). As Raena77 aptly noted it is likely therapeutic (perhaps cathartic) for many. Just remember, it is not reflective of society as a whole.
Besides, when else in history, has the person, whom, say a hundred or couple hundred years back - who most everyone after a stranger was taken a back by meeting them, - the town folk would regale the stranger with, "Oh that's just ____ , being him/her self, never you mind, he/she's not representative of our town, we just have a few of them like any town." See, now all those 'few in every town' with the ability to use the internet and find their way to City Data - keep us entertained!
Sort of like Otis or Barney Fife on Mayberry RFD / Andy Griffith Show. I'd highly recommend a historical sociological exercise in reading Sherwood Anderson's collection of short stories in Winesburg, Ohio, and then visiting the Relationship / Non-Rom Relationship / Fashion Beauty / Psychology forums and contrasting the human condition from a century ago.
It is very hard for any of us to acknowledge and admit that we are ourselves at fault or out notions held so dear are wrong! Part of what makes it hard for us to take criticism is that we actually know we may be wrong or are partially partially to blame. Yet there are thread starters who have quickly acknowledged their own guilt who still get flamed by those who are themselves made of superior stuff.
Yeah, I think a lot of people do, myself included. Now that I think about it, I think it's one of the core ideas that the modern pyshchotherapy-industrial complex is based on.
With regards to the OP's example: Women stating an idea of their dating preferences and then making contradictory statements is a whole other topic of discussion ...
I think a lot of people do. Some people aren't really looking for advice so much as validation for their conclusions on a given matter. It's a rare person who is able to identify himself or herself as the common denominator in all his/her own problems.
I don't have that problem, of course. It's the world around me that is so screwed up!
Great response! It does seem that some people only want validation on their already-decided conclusion. They get angry if someone doesn't agree with their decision.
We should have a category called "Reaffirmations."
Great response! It does seem that some people only want validation on their already-decided conclusion. They get angry if someone doesn't agree with their decision.
We should have a category called "Reaffirmations."
They obviously need it for a reason BTW, those types will get angry in real life as well ( if people don't agree with their decision) People like that and I don't get along very well but I can deal with them on a chalkboard.
And for every validation, there is a nasty person who makes mean and rude comments. Which, frankly, I find hurtful. So I would never post anything that is giving me stress and ask for validation again, based upon that. Not safe here, this is the Internet, there are some mean evil people just looking to cause pain and feel superior in their own pathetic little lives.
I've never read a more truer post on this board. A well deserved rep for you.
It has caused me to take a big step back on City-Data. I ask myself if I really want to be around some of the mean people here, even if it's just reading what they write
and the answer is no.
I've never read a more truer post on this board. A well deserved rep for you.
It has caused me to take a big step back on City-Data. I ask myself if I really want to be around some of the mean people here, even if it's just reading what they writes, and the answer is no.
Mean people are all over the place so, whatcha' gonna do?
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