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There is a thread which I gave up on here where someone was wanting "acceptance". After failed attempts at trying to get the person to tell me what that looks like, the elements that make that up, I just put it on the back burner of my mind. Today, it occurred to me that it was not "acceptance" that was desired but "approval" which is quite a bite different. I can accept just about anyone in my presence, especially if on the job (in my early years I inprocessed a couple of pedophiles and gave them the same treatment as I would anyone else), but that by no means says that I approve of how they live their life, etc. If someone is looking for approval, I think they first need to look to themselves because if they are not approving, well, help is advised. I think we can accept the things we cannot change but that doesn't equal approval either.
If you want "approval", you have to play the "game". Someone told me that about 30 years ago and it does seem to be true. If you want to be different and/or go against the grain, it will be a difficult ride. Being true to yourself is not nearly as easy as playing the "game". This applies to all facets of life too.
I don't play the "game" and I freed myself from needing anyone's approval long ago. I follow my conscious which is evident by the posts I make here and even more so in forums that are not moderated.
So, with this "acceptance" thing, can anyone tell me what that looks like or are we talking about "approval"? Of course, we could throw "tolerance" in the mix.
Thats excellent what you wrote. those terms get mixed up in people's mind. Person A wants one of them - approval, acceptance, tolerance, and person B may be wiling to give one but not the other, and the definitions of what person A versus person B thinks may be really different, so that where we get fighting about those terms.
I can accept you, but not approve you (a co-worker who is a pedophile), I can tolerate you but not approve you (a person who smells bad on the train), I can approve you but not tolerate you (this one is hard, I basically cant think of an example which i would enjoy but maybe someone else can as I usually dont tolerate people if they are constantly verbally abusing me .. maybe this would be an employer who hires someone who is qualified but yet they dont like something in their personality like maybe someone who has excellent skills needed for a dangerous job, but will not tolerate them constantly berating other employees but they put up with the guy because he is the only one willing to do a dangerous job).
On the other hand, I do NOT have to approve you nor tolerate you nor accept you (rather their behavior) if someone is being a total jerk.
I thought of one more, i can accept you, but not approve you, like if you want to go for an abortion. I can accept you but not tolerate you nor approve you if you love a candidate for president who is someone i cannot stand. You will NEVER get me to tolerate nor accept nor approve certain people who are either president or in congress or senators.. i have some in mind that i will never tolerate, nor accept nor approve because they are doing a horrible job, hurting many people, and have an evil spirit about them. and it is PERFECTLY FINE for me to do that. I do not hate gays in general, excpet one or two people that have turned totally evil toward me, so i will NEVER be their freind again, nor accept them, nor tolerate them, nor approve them, because if i did it would be rewarding their nasty behavior toward me. I choose to walk away!
I think of my boss. I tolerate him, because he pays my wage, but I don't approve of many things he does, but I accept that that his who he is.
In life, you may not often run into people who you accept, approve of or tolerate, all in one package. Some people we tolerate, like my boss example, because we have to. Strangers are neither here nor there for me, so whether or not I approve of their choices is neither here nor there. I accept that that is who they are and what they choose to do, but since it has no real bearing on my life, I don't need to approve of or tolerate them. But the people we choose to have in our lives on a social/family basis, we're more likely to have two if not all three, IMO.
Acceptance and approval can be applied various ways to the point where they are meaningless words really. Your example OP about accepting a pedophile but not approving of them is an attempt to define these words along moral terms. Of course pedophilia is a horrible, harmful crime.
However, you could also use those words in a similar fashion if your son or daughter married someone who had a profession that you disapproved of, or weren't from the right family etc. By establishing a moral foundation for these words I feel some people are trying to give themselves power when they use them.
After linking something like "pedophilia" with "approval" (or a lack thereof) then I feel like one is trying to transfer the same weight to *anything* they disapprove of.
I guess my point is that we must be careful how we associate these words. They are easy to manipulate.
Acceptance and approval can be applied various ways to the point where they are meaningless words really. Your example OP about accepting a pedophile but not approving of them is an attempt to define these words along moral terms. Of course pedophilia is a horrible, harmful crime.
However, you could also use those words in a similar fashion if your son or daughter married someone who had a profession that you disapproved of, or weren't from the right family etc. By establishing a moral foundation for these words I feel some people are trying to give themselves power when they use them.
After linking something like "pedophilia" with "approval" (or a lack thereof) then I feel like one is trying to transfer the same weight to *anything* they disapprove of.
I guess my point is that we must be careful how we associate these words. They are easy to manipulate.
This--so much this. Especially in light of the OP's discussion of "playing 'the game.'"
It sounds like the OP was being facetious in seeming not to understand what acceptance means, partly because the OP did not feel comfortable saying they did not "accept" the person they described from another thread, so the OP morphed that "acceptance" into "approval" because the OP feels comfortable withholding approval from that person.
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