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Does loving oneself include loving all of our former selves, including those we're not so proud of? Also, what are some practical implications and psychological components that define truly loving oneself? How does this practice impact an individual's overall well-being and their interactions with others? Additionally, what are some common misconceptions about self-love, and how can one differentiate between genuine self-appreciation and narcissism?
IMHO part of "loving" oneself is acknowledging and accepting what can't be changed. Like a past self. Accepting is not quite the same thing as liking that flawed former self but appreciating the learning that resulted from it. You can love a valued teacher, right?
If Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others, then I suppose I could but to be honest I’ve never thought of myself this way. I accept I have flaws, that I have a right to be happy and honor the gift of life by keeping healthy as possible, that I am creative and caring etc, but I don’t really conceptualize that as self love.
Well, "accepting" (acknowledging?) the younger, less wise, less accomplished self you used to be, learning from it and moving beyond it isn't a bad thing. Probably the best anyone can do. Of course, there are people who start out better than they end up. Life abused them too much.
FWIW, I have never thought the concept of "loving" oneself automatically meant adoring oneself. I agree that way lies self-absorption, narcissism, deliberate blindness. I consider the idea more a recognition that everyone, as a unique, unrepeatable individual has at least some value. A person who recognizes that depends less on constant validation from others. As long as someone meets society's basic moral/ethical tenets, no person is required to measure up to everyone else. Everyone possesses a teensy bit of some good quality. I prefer the idea that every thinking person is a work in progress. Some never progress. Some never progress very far. Others do much more with their allotted span on the planet than others.
Sorry, not sure I can describe what I mean here. Maybe suffice it to say you can go too far in either direction on the self love/hate scale. Something in the middle is probably healthy.
Last edited by Parnassia; 04-13-2024 at 04:00 PM..
Here's how I've defined it for myself. It goes along with the theory of the wounded child. If we have been mistreated as children we will have a part of us that doesn't mature and needs to be healed.
It's the place where things like our neediness, impatient demand, fears come from always trying to get that sense of security and love that were missing when we needed it. It's compelling because it acts from genuine need and can run our life if we allow it. That can make us problematic adults.
So the idea is that we are reacting to past events whenever that childhood pain is triggered. It was something we couldn't deal with when we were little but now we are adults and are responsible to that hurt child. The process of comforting and tending to the hurt child is the way to quiet his acting out and immature demands. By self-soothing emotional hurts and learning to deal with difficult situations we determine that the grown-up us is the one in charge now and that we will hold the reins from here on. We will provide the love and care that the small us didn't get and he doesn't have to be afraid anymore.
Alice Miller, a contemporary Swiss psychologist, developed this concept and her books are a good read to understand healing and damaged selves. She said in one of her books that everything we guard against already happened to us.
I recognize how well a job I'm doing at that by becoming aware of my self-talk. What are the kinds of things I say to myself when things aren't going well? Do I blame myself, call myself dumb, things like that? Or do I tell myself everyone makes mistakes and it's human, that I can do better the next time I try. You, know - being my own best friend when I need it.
You don't need to feel bad about loving yourself. We all need it. It's not to be announced to the world. It's for you and your little self. It doesn't mean you put yourself first. A mature adult has patience and generosity for others because he has learned not to be needy.
This is what works for me. At one time it was a very conscious process. Over time it becomes a way of life.
Does loving oneself include loving all of our former selves, including those we're not so proud of? Also, what are some practical implications and psychological components that define truly loving oneself? How does this practice impact an individual's overall well-being and their interactions with others? Additionally, what are some common misconceptions about self-love, and how can one differentiate between genuine self-appreciation and narcissism?
Lots of good responses..
Frankly i have never heard such a thing. More about loving others.
I think it would mean forgiving oneself for past actions that came out of immaturity, weakness, fear and anxiety. You can look back with sympathy for that younger self, and grow in maturity, make amends silently.
Acting with generosity, compassion and love, makes us generous and lovable. This keeps us in balance, happy.
I think narcissism arises from feeling of inadequacy and it cannot be a positive thing. It is best to stay balanced, human, rather than any self-boosting. That we are content and happy is indication that we are doing well. Good enough for me!
Does loving oneself include loving all of our former selves, including those we're not so proud of? Also, what are some practical implications and psychological components that define truly loving oneself? How does this practice impact an individual's overall well-being and their interactions with others? Additionally, what are some common misconceptions about self-love, and how can one differentiate between genuine self-appreciation and narcissism?
All it means, in a nutshell, is that you are happy and content with yourself (regardless of anything else).
You have accepted yourself for who you are and you are OK with that and feel that any and all former issues have been healed and worked through. You have reached the point of loving yourself. It's a genuine acceptance of yourself and your beliefs, and your character and wish nothing to change about yourself or your feelings about yourself. You like YOU the way you are.
People that are happy with themselves are magnets to other people.
Here's how I've defined it for myself. It goes along with the theory of the wounded child. If we have been mistreated as children we will have a part of us that doesn't mature and needs to be healed.
It's the place where things like our neediness, impatient demand, fears come from always trying to get that sense of security and love that were missing when we needed it. It's compelling because it acts from genuine need and can run our life if we allow it. That can make us problematic adults.
So the idea is that we are reacting to past events whenever that childhood pain is triggered. It was something we couldn't deal with when we were little but now we are adults and are responsible to that hurt child. The process of comforting and tending to the hurt child is the way to quiet his acting out and immature demands. By self-soothing emotional hurts and learning to deal with difficult situations we determine that the grown-up us is the one in charge now and that we will hold the reins from here on. We will provide the love and care that the small us didn't get and he doesn't have to be afraid anymore.
Alice Miller, a contemporary Swiss psychologist, developed this concept and her books are a good read to understand healing and damaged selves. She said in one of her books that everything we guard against already happened to us.
I recognize how well a job I'm doing at that by becoming aware of my self-talk. What are the kinds of things I say to myself when things aren't going well? Do I blame myself, call myself dumb, things like that? Or do I tell myself everyone makes mistakes and it's human, that I can do better the next time I try. You, know - being my own best friend when I need it.
You don't need to feel bad about loving yourself. We all need it. It's not to be announced to the world. It's for you and your little self. It doesn't mean you put yourself first. A mature adult has patience and generosity for others because he has learned not to be needy.
This is what works for me. At one time it was a very conscious process. Over time it becomes a way of life.
I agree with much of what you said. I am doing inner child work and shadow work. Shadow work can be painful - taking blinders off and really seeing the flawed parts of yourself, and yes, accepting them.
In Transactional Analysis, there is the Adult, Parent, and Child visualized as a pie chart. My child is enormous and needs lots of attention. The adult is a good chunk, the Parent is reducing as I become less critical.
I like Alice Miller because she wrote about the concept of "Good Enough Mother." Right now with Gen X promoting hate against parents for any mistakes or flaws, I wish these people would become educated in her works.
The Shadow is me at my most vulnerable, frightened and uncontrolled. I feel that rascal trying to grab the reins when I least want her to. I always think of that line, "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." My ego can be my own worst enemy.
Hi, Shadow. Sit down and be still and watch how we do it. Promise you'll feel better soon.
Yes, "good enough" parents or care-givers. Wouldn't it be healthy if we could all get to that place of thinking? The fact that we're here at all must be some evidence of that.
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