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I agree that there should be a dividing line: If you're only getting calls from certain people when they need a loan or help moving, you're probably in the wrong company. However, the author seems to assume that people are either one way or another. Those I consider true friends might need a favor once in a while, but they also call every so often just to see how I'm doing.
I guess it all depends on who you know.
Do you agree that saying "yes" leads to your becoming a doormat?
80/20 Rule: 80% of your results come from 20% of your actions.
I actively put an effort towards pleasing the 20% of people in my life that that are most important.
The rest? I won't go around being mean to them or making their lives miserable but I won't expend much effort making them happier unless I have nothing better to do.
A selfish story for the new self-centered generation! How timely!
No, I think we all need to work on sharing and helping other people more - even those who are self-centered. Of course there are limits...
You can only do what you can do. Do say no if you can't do any more.
So far as money giving/lending, I say I'll give away money when all my bills are paid off and I have "extra money" to be giving away. So don't be giving or lending money if your obligations are not taken care of.
A selfish story for the new self-centered generation! How timely!
No, I think we all need to work on sharing and helping other people more - even those who are self-centered. Of course there are limits...
You can only do what you can do. Do say no if you can't do any more.
So far as money giving/lending, I say I'll give away money when all my bills are paid off and I have "extra money" to be giving away. So don't be giving or lending money if your obligations are not taken care of.
It's actually not selfish, rather the people who the article is written for are the selfish ones. I have known people like his, had an ex like this...they are constantly doing favors and things for people, but it is NOT out of a sense of altruism, it's a covert way to get people to like them....then at some point they blow up in a tantrum because no one appreciates them, the girl they did all those favors for friend-zoned them, etc, etc etc. It is an unhealthy way of life and is in itself selfish and dishonest because the "nice" things aren't done for the right reasons.
It's actually not selfish, rather the people who the article is written for are the selfish ones. I have known people like his, had an ex like this...they are constantly doing favors and things for people, but it is NOT out of a sense of altruism, it's a covert way to get people to like them....then at some point they blow up in a tantrum because no one appreciates them, the girl they did all those favors for friend-zoned them, etc, etc etc. It is an unhealthy way of life and is in itself selfish and dishonest because the "nice" things aren't done for the right reasons.
You have had some experiences that have made you suspicious and cynical. I understand that, however some people are just simply to nice for their own good. There's no ulterior motive that's just their nature. The author is simply telling them to be more assertive and think about their own interests for once.
It's actually not selfish, rather the people who the article is written for are the selfish ones. I have known people like his, had an ex like this...they are constantly doing favors and things for people, but it is NOT out of a sense of altruism, it's a covert way to get people to like them....then at some point they blow up in a tantrum because no one appreciates them, the girl they did all those favors for friend-zoned them, etc, etc etc. It is an unhealthy way of life and is in itself selfish and dishonest because the "nice" things aren't done for the right reasons.
I see. These people are expecting something in return when doing favors for people?
The selfish people I have experience with will not help anyone ever - The giving people do so gladly and expect nothing in return.
You have had some experiences that have made you suspicious and cynical. I understand that, however some people are just simply to nice for their own good. There's no ulterior motive that's just their nature. The author is simply telling them to be more assertive and think about their own interests for once.
I'm not in the slightest suspicious or cynical. I just think this is part of "Nice Guy" syndrome, that is who the article was written for. These guys think they are nice but really aren't, because they are dishonest. The Relationships forum is full of them, complaining how no woman appreciates how "nice" they are, and even though they took her to the airport, shined her shoes, washed her car and gave her gifts, she still doesn't want to have sex with them (even though they never actually asked her out). I have seen this behavior with people in my life, yes. My post was to the poster who said the article was "selfish" and encouraging people to be selfish. I just disagree.
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