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Firstly, I acknowledge your situation and how you are feeling and I feel for you.
Some very good suggestions and advice and one not so much. I do believe endorphins are key. Hard to get going though. Sometimes starting in small steps helps although getting down to a hard push could do it. Walking uphill is great to that end.
Never felt so empty and lonely in my life. 61 my bother and sister hate me. 9 nieces and nepfews hate me. Guess hate is a strong word. More like selfish people. My last few years of my life I spent 24/7 taking care of my mum till she passed on. Which I still talk to her every day for year n a half now. Em the kind of person that would give you my shirt off my back, Give you the last piece of bread.Gave my family everthing, mean all the love and gifts you could smother someone. what did I do wrong? Is this it? The horror of my lonelenssss em feeling.
Is there way out of this.? Is this the way it is going to be.? Mum just took it in stide as she was treateated the same. But honestly feel like a lost soul. Empty alone. Sorry for reaching out like this. Just so confused..
then stop doing things for your family, except those things that are in dire need. instead put your energies to volunteer work somewhere. help the homeless shelters, help the humane society, the aspca, the local animal shelter, the boys and girls club, the red cross, etc. there are a lot of charities you can put your efforts into, and they will be more appreciative than your family is.
personally when anyone treats me like crap, i dont stay around them. i move on to people that appreciate my efforts.
Yeah, there is no way I can look to anyone for my happiness...I can't expect a thing.
I can't want anything from anyone. And this is not depressing...it is FREEDOM! Yay!
You'll get outta this rut or pit...I'm glad you reached out.
I am my favorite person to hang with and I make myself laugh more than anyone...
and I don't bug myself or put myself down or judge myself...I can't say that about others.
People get caught up in their lives and that's fine.
Live your life as if you have an audience of One, I say.
Forget anybody else...but, wish them well, always.
Just because people are related, there's never a guarantee the relationships will be congenial.
I have 3 siblings; two I avoid at all costs, and the third sibling communicates 'occasionally' via e-mail (we have not seen each other for over 20 years). For me, having no contact with the two results is a much more harmonious environment (tried numerous times to foster a healthy relationship with them but it was a no-win).
My friends are more like family to me than my siblings ever were.
There is a clue here... you say you give everything to family, and then you say they are "selfish."
Do they ask for your help? Or are you perceived as a martyr? One thing is for sure, you see yourself as a victim.
No one needs to sacrifice everything to care for another human being 24/7. There is professional caregiving, respite, hospice, etc.
You chose not to care for yourself and gave up your life because it pleased you somehow to do so. Now you are unhappy about it.
Time for you to be really honest with yourself and start getting ride of the opposing traps that have made you stuck. Clarity will break through your confusion.
Never felt so empty and lonely in my life. 61 my bother and sister hate me. 9 nieces and nepfews hate me. Guess hate is a strong word. More like selfish people. My last few years of my life I spent 24/7 taking care of my mum till she passed on. Which I still talk to her every day for year n a half now. Em the kind of person that would give you my shirt off my back, Give you the last piece of bread.Gave my family everthing, mean all the love and gifts you could smother someone. what did I do wrong? Is this it? The horror of my lonelenssss em feeling.
Is there way out of this.? Is this the way it is going to be.? Mum just took it in stide as she was treateated the same. But honestly feel like a lost soul. Empty alone. Sorry for reaching out like this. Just so confused..
OP you are an evolved soul not lost. You have lived your life as a human should, helping others. You may not be saint but these acts make you one. Please know there is very little most humans know and understand about who we truly are and why we come here. We all have our mandate our lessons to learn and our soul's development as an action item. You should be very proud that you have probably done so much more than most of us will ever do in one life time.
For those who do not reciprocate to you , it is their loss. Pat yourself on the back for a life lived with High standards and for those here on this forum like me and many others, you are a hero.
OP you are an evolved soul not lost. You have lived your life as a human should, helping others. You may not be saint but these acts make you one. Please know there is very little most humans know and understand about who we truly are and why we come here. We all have our mandate our lessons to learn and our soul's development as an action item. You should be very proud that you have probably done so much more than most of us will ever do in one life time.
For those who do not reciprocate to you , it is their loss. Pat yourself on the back for a life lived with High standards and for those here on this forum like me and many others, you are a hero.
What a nice post!
OP---It's time to stop doing things for those who are unappreciative. Sometimes, we find that our families are really dysfunctional. In that case, it's best to step back. At least you can say that you did try to be there and you did try to reach out. You made an effort---no one can accuse you of not having done so.
I have 2 first cousins who are very selfish and self-centered people. What made me see this clearly is when we moved within miles of where they both live. When we first moved closer to them, I figured that I would reach out to them and try to build a connection. The younger of the 2 was in her late teens at the time and rebuffed every attempt I made. Figuring that when she got older, she would have matured so I tried again but she ended up being even more selfish and self centered. Her older brother is the same way. At that point, I gave up on both of them. When our daughter got older, she asked why we hardly ever saw them (Ironically, we only saw them when there were out of state family gatherings or my aunt would get my cousins' kids and our daughter together for outings). I explained to our daughter that I had tried to forge a relationship with them but was rebuffed.
So...it's time to stop trying with your family. From what you've written, they seem to be selfish and self-centered. Comfort yourself with the knowledge that you made a real effort but it didn't work through no fault of your own.
I also think that you are still grieving for your mother. Try to find a grief support group---either an online one or a face-to-face group in your area. It will help you heal and it will also help you to know that you are not alone in your grief.
OP---It's time to stop doing things for those who are unappreciative. Sometimes, we find that our families are really dysfunctional. In that case, it's best to step back. At least you can say that you did try to be there and you did try to reach out. You made an effort---no one can accuse you of not having done so.
I have 2 first cousins who are very selfish and self-centered people. What made me see this clearly is when we moved within miles of where they both live. When we first moved closer to them, I figured that I would reach out to them and try to build a connection. The younger of the 2 was in her late teens at the time and rebuffed every attempt I made. Figuring that when she got older, she would have matured so I tried again but she ended up being even more selfish and self centered. Her older brother is the same way. At that point, I gave up on both of them. When our daughter got older, she asked why we hardly ever saw them (Ironically, we only saw them when there were out of state family gatherings or my aunt would get my cousins' kids and our daughter together for outings). I explained to our daughter that I had tried to forge a relationship with them but was rebuffed.
So...it's time to stop trying with your family. From what you've written, they seem to be selfish and self-centered. Comfort yourself with the knowledge that you made a real effort but it didn't work through no fault of your own.
I also think that you are still grieving for your mother. Try to find a grief support group---either an online one or a face-to-face group in your area. It will help you heal and it will also help you to know that you are not alone in your grief.
I wish you all the best.
Thank you for your kind words. Your post is A1 too. Full of great advice. I wish you and OP as well as all the other good people on the forum peace.
Thank you for your kind words. Your post is A1 too. Full of great advice. I wish you and OP as well as all the other good people on the forum peace.
And, thank you!
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