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UPFATE. I was ok for the return flight to NY until we got delayed because of high winds in ny. Now we are sitting here waiting. We were going to land at 7:30 but now will be later. I hate night flights so that will freak me out if it is dark along with high winds. I am reverting back to my original frear even though I took my dram anime and 2 Xanax, I pray for a safe landing. I knew it was too good to be true after expo expecting smooth flights in both directions.
I am the OP. Let me say that the mere thought of this flight absolutely shut me down. I could barely speak or even function during the previous days of the flight from NY to Los Angeles. This past weekend, I was waking up from horrific nightmares. One was that I was on some kind of shuttle bus with my niece and other people on the way to the airport. After a while, it was going faster and faster. I asked what was going on and was told that this is the plane. I was panicking and saying that I had to get off. It was traumatic. The night before, I couldn't sleep. Every time I slept for a minute, I would wake up in a sweat and panic. It was so bad at 3 am, that I went outside in my friggin underwear and sat on the front step, nearly in tears, then I had to go inside my car just so I could "lose it". It was sick. It was the lowest point of my life. I was sure my kids and wife and I would all be dead in hours. I finally went in and passed out at 4pm only to be awoken at 6 to leave.
We drive to my in laws where my wife's aunt was waiting in her van to drive us all. I had to act like all was well as I was being driven to my final deathbed. Going in the airport was ok. I couldn't really eat anything when there. I was looking around the airport at the thousands of people there and didn't see one that was visibly concerned. I began realizing that this fear is really a sickness. Thousands of planes fly daily and they all make it. There was a lot of security. I was looking for some troubling looking terrorists but really couldn't find anyone that looked like one.
Then, it was 8:45 and time to board the plane. I must say that walking on the plane felt weird. It seemed smaller than I remembered. There were 3 seats on each side. What for me through it to this point was all of the reading I did at capt tom's website. Didn't join or pay anything. I just read the forums and he kept repeating how planes fly and how hard it is to even get them to come down. I was scared that my kids would be scared. I made it fun for them. They love when I act scared on those kids rides so I said "you better not laugh when I get scared when the plane turns and almost goes sideways" and my son said he is going to laugh. Then the engines started. Then the slow taxi ing. At this point, I had to make myself think that I was in a train. The good thing is that I didn't feel claustrophobic. I felt like I was on a train. I never feel claustrophobic on a train, so why would I on a plane. The planes started going faster and faster. It didn't bother me too much because most of the morning was spent watching plane after plane take off without incident. I figured that these pilots know what they are doing. Once we began to go up, I just said that this is it. Everything is out of my hands, if that plane crashes, it is over. There is nothing that anyone can do. Our seats were right on the wing, so I watched that wing bending up and down all the way to California. I did take 2 Xanax 30 minutes before the flight. Funny thing is that the flight was so damned smooth, I don't think I needed them. There was a bit of shaking once in a whole but it was nothing. The pilot announced that they were sorry for the bumps and that they were going to reroute the flight because of some complaints from the passengers. I was thinking "what a bunch of wusses!" There really was nothing more than driving on a slightly bumpy road for a minute or less. I kept watching the map channel and looking at the altitude, which stood at 35000 feet. It was weird looking down and seeing nothing but the tops of clouds. I did sleep a few times, which I never was able to do before. I was awake for the last hour or so. The landing was great. Loved watching the altitude go lower and lower.
This was very empowering. My last flight was so bad that I swore that I would never fly again. The problem was that I brought that feeling onto this flight. Of course, I still have to fly back so I am not out of the woods yet. I am going back with more confidence but when I think about it, that is exactly what happened to me 14 years ago. Great flight going. Horror on the way home. I hope it is good. I will post back after that flight, if I make it. Wish us luck.
Getting the internal terror out of my mind was a big hurdle. We have some control over our thoughts. We have no control over the physical plane. Having zero trust in both is disaster pus. Having trust in one of the two means you are halfway there. Check this out on Tuesday night. If you never hear from me again, well, you know what happened. But I think you will read another of my posts and I will tell you what I think of the entire experience.
Congrats on handling it
What you posted, the play by play, is how I think I'd feel.
I have never flown, but I plan on facing that fear--
I can't let it win.
I need to figure out where my first flight will be, lol
Quote:
Originally Posted by trusso11783
UPFATE. I was ok for the return flight to NY until we got delayed because of high winds in ny. Now we are sitting here waiting. We were going to land at 7:30 but now will be later. I hate night flights so that will freak me out if it is dark along with high winds. I am reverting back to my original frear even though I took my dram anime and 2 Xanax, I pray for a safe landing. I knew it was too good to be true after expo expecting smooth flights in both directions.
Yes I'd be nervous with a night flight too....
Keep us posted & stay calm.
Quick background. I flew a few times and was up eventful. Never loved it. Got a great job in 2000 that required a flight to Chicago for a 3 day orientation. Flight there was great. Flight home was a disaster. Scary as hell. Swore I would never fly again. Got married in 2006. Bought plane tickets to Vegas as a surprise to my wife but the more I thought about it, the more I freaked out. I threw the tickets out and I drove Al the way there (48hrs, nearly non stop).
My wife's brother is getting married in August in California. Normally, I just wouldn't go. But, he wants me 6 yr old son and 4 yr old daughter in the wedding party. My wife insisted that they are all flying. I don't want to give me children this fear, so I would have to go on the plane. How else would you explain daddy driving? Plus, there is no way I could throw them on a plane that I am near certain will crash while I drive safely. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. What if they freak out in the plane? I want to be there for me.
So, I am being forced to confront this horrific fear. I keep picturing the plane crashing and every single detail that happens on the way down. What do you tell your kids if they are scared and crying? The though of them going through that horror crushes me and I never break down in tears.
Please, spare me the ridiculous statistics that it is safer to fly than drive. Sorry, I would much rather be in a car crash than a plane crash. I just want to know how to deal with this, I would never fly voluntarily. Since my children will be on the plane, it is no option. I must be with them no matter what. Watching the Malaysian plane crash on the news all day today did not help. I understand it was probably shot down, but looking at the smashed plane on the ground, with all of those bodies laying there made me as upset as I nearly ever got. I just pictured a plane full of people all happy that they were going on vacation and then BOOM. Dead!
Does anyone else think this way. I think it is perfectly normal to think like I do. Is it that no one else wants to think about these things, or do they really not think of them. I am starting to resent my wife and in laws for making me go through this. True, I agreed, but only because I was put on the spot in front of her family and I realized that I looked like a real p*ssy that I wouldn't fly. What the hell,am I gonna do? I already stopped doing any home projects because I am convinced it is all for nothing because I will not be around in three weeks. As irrational is it sounds, it isn't because this can definitely happen. It has happened. None of those great statistics mean anything if you are on the plane that is crashing. Make sense?
Statistically, flying is extremely safe and is one of ( if not the most) safest modes of transportation. But having said that, I refuse to fly. I haven't flown since 1992, and I don't plan to in the foreseeable future. I flew often as a kid -- and I loved it. But as I grew I became more fearful. I realized that planes, once in a while, crash. And it didn't help matters that I grew up in and currently live in Cerritos, California, the site of the 1986 Aeromexico disaster. Seeing a photo of that crippled jetliner barreling towards the ground ( and imagining what the passengers and crew were experiencing in those final seconds) sent a chill down my spine.
And further spooking me to air travel was the crash of Alaska flight 261 off the coast of Oxnard, California, in 2000. That was a sad, horrific way to go. The passengers and crew experienced two separate plunges during that flight; the first one lasted several seconds before the pilots recovered control; the last plunge was fatal, as the jack screw assembly in the tail failed, sending the plane corkscrewing towards the ocean, upside down most of the way, before slamming into the ocean. I think about the utter terror experienced by the crew and passengers.
I choose to stay on the ground. Mechanical defects, system failures, pilot error, wake turbulence -- too many things can go wrong. And when in the air, you can't just pull over to the side of the road.
When you do fly, be sure to have plenty of items to take your mind off the flying. Either download a few movies to your phone/tablet. Focus on your device. I recommend this instead of the in-flight movie because that is generally just on a couple of screens and you will see everyone else on the plane and you can easily be distracted. Having your children next to you can also help you. Bring along some games that you all can play. It will be a tough face to put on, but show your kids that flying can be 'fun'. Going through a few movies and playing a few games, you will be landed before you know it.
Buddy, I am right there with you. I suffer profound anxiety when it comes to flying. I can't eat 24 hours before a flight, due to the fear.
I've also watched the disaster documentaries, and they do help, for some twisted reason I can not explain.
I don't take drugs for anxiety, because sometimes they make me dizzy and uncomfortable, and I'd rather rely on the Higher Power and that "takes the edge off."
I am NOT a fatalist (believing that fate rules the day), but a few weeks ago, I read in the Bible that "our days are numbered," and that took away a lot of the fear.
I may live to be 105, or I may be dead after I hit the "post reply" button here on this site, but it's not in my hands. Just knowing that single fact has helped me cope with so many things, including a fear of flying.
My point is, different things work for different people.
The other thing that I have going on is a much beloved daughter that lives 1,000+ miles away. It's too far for me to drive - comfortably - so I fly. And my love for her is bigger than my fear of flying.
Rose
Quote:
Originally Posted by revelated
A lot of people here simply don't understand. So let me tell my story.
I don't fear flying. I fear incompetence causing my death. I'm almost positive the same is certain with you: if you're a passenger in a car, you can choose to drive with someone you trust. If you're driving, you can mostly control your driving experience. You can choose to avoid accidents in most cases. That's not to say a drunk driver won't blow through a stop sign and T-bone someone, but as long as you're attentive and you watch for that, you'll avoid it.
I've had one major car accident in my life, when a car stopped right in front of me from a 45 MPH cruise speed. I was too close behind him and couldn't completely swerve, but I did enough to where I wasn't crushed.
People giving examples of gruesome car accident scenes are missing one vital thing: The majority of those are preventable. If the girl wasn't texting...if the guy had gotten maintenance on his car...if the soccer mom wasn't fighting with the kids...if the owner had gotten their tires checked....if the driver wasn't drinking...if the driver had gotten enough sleep before driving. If people took the proper precautions most accidents could have been prevented.
Such is not necessarily the case with a plane. In that situation, you're putting your life in the hands of so many unknowns that cannot be controlled by any one individual.
Is the pilot even properly licensed to fly?
Are they licensed to fly THAT plane? (Yes, there's a HUGE difference)
If it's an overnight or redeye, did the pilot get enough sleep so that they are awake and aware?
Is there a co-pilot?
Did the co-pilot get enough rest just in case the pilot didn't?
Are both pilot and co-pilot healthy? Have they had a medical examination done on a regular basis to flesh out any issues such as heart attacks?
How recently was the plane fueled (especially given the concerns about gas prices)?
How recently was the plane inspected?
Did it pass inspections with flying colors, or were there issues?
If there were issues did the plane get grounded until they were fully resolved and retested?
Is the FCC inspector competent? Is he/she familiar with that style of plane?
Did the airline underestimate the effect of luggage weight on the plane dynamics?
Is it bird migration season? Are there an unusual amount of bird strikes?
Will the landing gear fail? Has it been inspected by anyone?
Is there going to be horrible weather in either your departing or arriving city?
Is some nutcase boarding the plane with a weapon that TSA overlooked?
I could go on and on. But the above list are things that go through my mind every time I book a flight. The singer Aaliyah died in a plane crash where all of the above failed. On top of that I get airsick if I look out of the window or if it's rough; it's not fun.
It's completely different knowing you could die from something where you have no control over the death, than it is in a situation where your own competence can help keep you alive. Completely different.
To the OP: The way I dealt with my minor phobia is to purposely take airlines that are less in the news for plane crashes. So I avoid US Airways like the plague, Delta's gotten better but they're not my first choice. More often than not I'm Alaska or Southwest now that Continental is dead.
Tomorrow I have a Frontier redeye. My first Frontier flight ever and I read nightmare story after nightmare story, but they're the cheapest and the only one with a nonstop. Nonstop makes me even more nervous, because you have no idea if the plane is going to have enough fuel to do it, especially if they didn't refuel it.
OK. I landed last night at 7:30pm at JFK. Another enjoyable, uneventful flight. There were some bumps. Funny thing is that they do not bother me. None of it bothers me. I think I figured out my problem. My last flight was a nightmare, at least in my mind. The only difference was the darkness. When that plane was shaking and moving in the dark and rain, my mind told me it was flying toward the earth. In reality, I bet it was doing nothing but shaking but my mind saw something different and you could not change my mind about it.
I must conclude that I have little to no fear or flying after this experience. Thankfully, my kids loved it. And while I had Jet Blue tv there, I barely watched it. I was more interested in the map channel that showed the plane's progress and status. The entire flight, I could just sit there and think that I have zero control. We are far too high at 38000' and going 540 mph for anything to stop something from happening. The worrying in my mind for all of those weeks and months leading up to the flight were gone as soon as I got on the plane. The Xanax may have had a slight effect but I honestly believe I just enjoyed the flight. I always had a thought in the back of my mind that something could happen at any moment but while I was in the situation, my mind would not allow me to picture any gory scenes. I only thought about my destination.
I truly cannot believe I survived this. Of course, my wife's family were right by telling me it was all gonna be ok. They are proud of me but it sounds like such a willing thing to be proud of, considering millions do this every day. I must confess that I would not go on the small roller coaster at Legoland. That is something I will never do. Also, I will still have an issue with flying over oceans. We were over the water for awhile last night for the 15 minutes befor we landed. I wasn't thrilled but I knew were were close to land.
For those of you that are on the fence, give it a shot. Read my early posts and compare it to this. I am not different than you. I was truly terrified and thought I would die. I cleaned up my desk t work and deleted all personal files. I left notes and instructions for my sister just in case. I will definitely fly again soon. No more 22 hour drives to Disney when. I could fly in 3. What an incredible burden lifted from me! I am aware that there is always a risk but I just have to hope that I am never on that one in 11 million flights that crash. Chances are, I will not be and neither will you, though nobody can guarantee that. Good luck. Thanks for all of the posts, including the ones that kicked me in the ass. I
The best part of this is that I feel like I accomplished something. I would have been very disappointed in myself if the wife and family made it all home safe while I safely drove.
Congrats. You did accomplish something. You can even see from this thread, there are people who never overcome this fear. I'm sure it took a lot of courage, we all have fears we don't have the courage to face, and you faced one of yours. It's weird because we are just anonymous internet posters here, but I feel proud of you too.
And thanks for updating this thread. It's especially nice when a thread can contain a whole story, beginning to end, as it happens.
Great update! I'm glad the flights went well and maybe experiences like yours will inspire others to attempt to overcome their fear.
Quote:
Originally Posted by trusso11783
What an incredible burden lifted from me! I am aware that there is always a risk but I just have to hope that I am never on that one in 11 million flights that crash. Chances are, I will not be and neither will you, though nobody can guarantee that. Good luck.
OK. I landed last night at 7:30pm at JFK. Another enjoyable, uneventful flight. There were some bumps. Funny thing is that they do not bother me. None of it bothers me. I think I figured out my problem. My last flight was a nightmare, at least in my mind. The only difference was the darkness. When that plane was shaking and moving in the dark and rain, my mind told me it was flying toward the earth. In reality, I bet it was doing nothing but shaking but my mind saw something different and you could not change my mind about it.
I must conclude that I have little to no fear or flying after this experience. Thankfully, my kids loved it. And while I had Jet Blue tv there, I barely watched it. I was more interested in the map channel that showed the plane's progress and status. The entire flight, I could just sit there and think that I have zero control. We are far too high at 38000' and going 540 mph for anything to stop something from happening. The worrying in my mind for all of those weeks and months leading up to the flight were gone as soon as I got on the plane. The Xanax may have had a slight effect but I honestly believe I just enjoyed the flight. I always had a thought in the back of my mind that something could happen at any moment but while I was in the situation, my mind would not allow me to picture any gory scenes. I only thought about my destination.
I truly cannot believe I survived this. Of course, my wife's family were right by telling me it was all gonna be ok. They are proud of me but it sounds like such a willing thing to be proud of, considering millions do this every day. I must confess that I would not go on the small roller coaster at Legoland. That is something I will never do. Also, I will still have an issue with flying over oceans. We were over the water for awhile last night for the 15 minutes befor we landed. I wasn't thrilled but I knew were were close to land.
For those of you that are on the fence, give it a shot. Read my early posts and compare it to this. I am not different than you. I was truly terrified and thought I would die. I cleaned up my desk t work and deleted all personal files. I left notes and instructions for my sister just in case. I will definitely fly again soon. No more 22 hour drives to Disney when. I could fly in 3. What an incredible burden lifted from me! I am aware that there is always a risk but I just have to hope that I am never on that one in 11 million flights that crash. Chances are, I will not be and neither will you, though nobody can guarantee that. Good luck. Thanks for all of the posts, including the ones that kicked me in the ass. I
The best part of this is that I feel like I accomplished something. I would have been very disappointed in myself if the wife and family made it all home safe while I safely drove.
You were COURAGEOUS! My favorite characteristic and what I want most to be.
I thought of you, because it was POURING RAIN last night and I'd read your earlier post and knew you were flying into JFK. (I'm in Jersey, near the shore--if I go to Long Branch, I can see the planes heading for JFK. We're not that far apart over the water.)
And I have to confess, I thought of this thread because since it started, my daughter accepted a job offer in Beijing. She'll be there for a year, and I will likely want to fly to China to visit her. As I said, I'm not as afraid of death since 9/11, but...it's THIRTEEN-HOUR FLIGHT. It will probably be next year. If I have a meltdown, I'll revive this thread!
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