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a fear of flying is really a fear of dying. once you realize that, you can now work to mitigate that fear.
no one really wants to die, but remember that life is a communicable disease and the end result is always death.
now understand that the only way to eliminate fear is to face that fear. you have a fear of flying, so you have to face it. now this flight from chicago, what was so disastrous about it? the flight attendant spilled your drink on you? some baby was crying the whole flight? you it a little turbulence? unless the airplane crashed somewhere along the line, you took off safely and landed safely.
now get on the plane, and take the marine corps attitude on life and death, death smiles at everybody, marines smile back.
I disagree with this. For me, it is a fear of falling. The idea of having a long free fall before dying is horrifying for me. I have reconciled my fears of death, but there are certain things I never want to experience and free-faling from 30k feet is one of them. :-)
I disagree with this. For me, it is a fear of falling. The idea of having a long free fall before dying is horrifying for me. I have reconciled my fears of death, but there are certain things I never want to experience and free-faling from 30k feet is one of them. :-)
understand one thing, as long as life exists, the possibilities are endless. so unless a wing is blown off the aircraft, the airplane always wants to fly, unless you are talking about you fell completely out of the aircraft, and even then there have been people that have survived falls like that, rare though they are.
like i said i dont fear death in any manner that it would come at me, but i will hang onto life for as long as possible until there is just no way to hang on.
When I was in college, back in the days of prop planes, I frequently flew back and forth. I had no issues even at one airport where the stewardesses were scared - it was easy to see why - there were burn and skid marks where other planes had missed the runway. You see, the airport was created by cutting off the top of a mountain - in the middle of other mountains - necessitating a quick drop and land. No problems.
Suddenly, I am a mother travelling to Florida with my two young sons and I am having a panic attack over the landing and take-off. Yup, jets. While out of the same airport - Newark - the plane just keeps on heading up up and up. So for the last 35 years, I have had a fear of flying. Every little bump has me making little squeaky noises that I try to control so children near me do not hear. But we fly - to Vegas, Texas, Phoenix, San Francisco, Miami (6 times), Orlando (8 times), here and there, and the longest was across the pond to Spain. Oh joy, 18 hours in a plane that was full to the brim, in rough weather, sitting behind two young women who thought my knees should just disappear so they could slam their seats back and sleep in my lap. But I digress.
This year I flew alone. I had to have eye surgery "back home" in NYC and got a ride up (we retired to TN) but needed to fly home because I couldn't see well enough to drive. I did it. It was a smaller plane and didn't go up so high but I still did it.
BTW, I lived on Staten Island in NYC for 15 years and avoided driving over any of the bridges when it was possible. It wasn't always possible - and sometimes I didn't go places. I still have a fear of heights and my limit is 10 stories in a building and 2 flights of stairs even in a house - which better not be built on a hill.
It's really safe to fly - relative to other modes of travel.
As others have said, there are options for you: drugs (they help some but I hate the groggy feeling), therapies - including hypnosis. I have tried many but the one that works the best for me is a combination of mild drug and self-hypnosis.
Good luck and try to focus on the fun things you will do. You CAN do this - just make up your mind and do it.
Tomorrow I have a Frontier redeye. My first Frontier flight ever and I read nightmare story after nightmare story, but they're the cheapest and the only one with a nonstop. Nonstop makes me even more nervous, because you have no idea if the plane is going to have enough fuel to do it, especially if they didn't refuel it.
You'll be fine; I fly Frontier a lot and haven't ever felt unsafe. Yes, they are a discount carrier, but they are not unsafe.
Your wife, who has known since at least your wedding that you are afraid of flying, now insists that your kids, age 4 and 6, who have never flown and will probably be afraid of flying, are now going to fly across the country to be in her brother's wedding, and you can fly with them or not, but that's her ultimatum. You're trying to be a good dad and be there for your kids, but you have such a fear yourself that you're afraid that you will make their fears and experience worse.
Is your resentment of your wife's demand unreasonable: no. She knows you have a fear of flying and using her brother's wedding to demand you change is unreasonable. She knows you don't want your kids on a plane, but she insists she's going to take them anyway. Maybe you should tell her that you can take a train. You can rent a motorhome. You can drive there for a family vacation. Maybe you should take tell her that you don't want the kids to fly and that you're taking the kids on a train, and she can fly to the wedding alone if she wants to fly that badly. Seriously. She knew you had this phobia when she married you, and she chooses now in this way to demand you become someone else. It's not about manning up. It's about your mental and emotional well being, and that's being tossed into the trash. Everyone has phobias about something. It's not appropriate for people to torture you with them, especially not your own spouse. If your wife had a phobia of dogs, would it be appropriate for you to insist that you were going to buy one for yourself and the kids, and she could just suck it up and go to a psychiatrist and take drugs to get over it? No.
I've been on planes with mechanical problems over the ocean, where people were screaming, "we're going to die!", and in lightning storms, and on a plane that had to attempt landing three times in a row and came in too fast; the passengers applauding because the plane didn't crash. I had to talk the woman next to me out of a claustrophobia attack and trying to get off the plane, while it was in flight. Flying isn't for everyone, and taking drugs doesn't always resolve phobias while onboard. You don't want to be on a 5 hour flight with your kids to see if you can fly on a plane without having a panic attack. If you wanted to test the idea, you could try a short flight and some medication without your kids to see how you did. But if you don't want to, then no one should force you to do so.
Your phobia is founded on thinking too much, not too little, about the reality of your situation and how your life is in the hands of total strangers you know nothing about in a small box going hundreds of miles an hour at 30,000 feet in the air. Your phobia is not irrational. It's actually rational. It's just not apparently societally acceptable.
Your wife, who has known since at least your wedding that you are afraid of flying, now insists that your kids, age 4 and 6, who have never flown and will probably be afraid of flying, are now going to fly across the country to be in her brother's wedding, and you can fly with them or not, but that's her ultimatum. You're trying to be a good dad and be there for your kids, but you have such a fear yourself that you're afraid that you will make their fears and experience worse.
I don't think he really fears transferring his fear of flying to his kids. Because him not flying, and not taking his family on trips that require flying would do a lot more damage to the kids IMO. What happens when the kids grow up, if they've never set foot on an airplane? They might turn down a great college or job opportunity out of state, cause they've never flown, and are *at best* embarrassed about it... and at worst terrified of it, since it's an unknown. I know people who have grown up like that. It's not good. You should not set the example that all you ever need in life can be found in your hometown and surrounding areas.
I also disagree that the wife's request is unreasonable. Although putting him on the spot in front of his relatives was not the best way to do it. Bottom line, though, it's not like he has an incurable disease or handicap and she's trying to make him do something he can't. He has an irrational fear, a common phobia akin to arachnophobia or something, and it seems fair to me that his wife should be able to pressure him to overcome it (or at least deal with it briefly) for the sake of her and the family.
kitty, the very definition of phobia is an irrational fear. and that is what the OP has, an irrational fear. and the only way he is going to get over it is to actually fly in an airplane. i suggested he take flying lessons, because one of the things he will learn is that the airplane wants to fly. give the arcraft enough power and speed, and it will literally leap into the sky because it wants to be there. and that is the root cause of the fear of flying. people think that the aircraft is going to lose power, and literally fall out of the sky, but even a 787, or an A380 airbus has what is known as a glide ratio. this is where the aircraft can, without power, stay aloft for a pretty fair period of time depending on the altitude and airspeed the pilots can maintain. and that means the aircraft will stay up long enough to find a runway to land on.
How could some one have a fear of flying but not a fear of riding in a car. I was a volunteer fireman and an EMT for 20 years and those car accidents occur a lot more often and can be very horrific. I have been with car accident victims as they died from blood lose and massive trauma from crushed chests to sliced open torso and decapitations. The worst are the fires and the burnt bodies that will not come out of the cars in one piece. Most of the time the people die over a period of time, some times a few mins to several hours and days.
Because people die horrific deaths in vehicles (and there's a much better chance of it) then why would some one be afraid of flying.
I drive cars, trucks and semi's, I also fly small aircraft and fly commercial. I have always felt safer in an airplane then I have in on the road.
This is a no brainer for me. I was involved in four bad accidents. Two of them were really bad that resulted in my Chevy Blazers being totaled. One of those was from a driver that drove on the left grass median to pass me and turned hard right into me and causing me to hit another car, a guard rail, swerve back and forth multiple times and finally tip over on its side. The window smash as a result and the car slid on the street full of glass, which all went inside my arm. Not fun. A fireman had to pull me up from the passenger side to get out. The other was someone driving at over 80mph with no headlights on at 10 pm driving south. I was at the green light and made a left turn where I hit him practically head on. My car came to a complete stop, as if I hit an invisible wall.
My point is, I had 4 bad accidents, two of them should have killed me, and I walked away pretty much unscathed, aside from my 7 hernia tiones. It has not made me one bit afraid to drive again. I even drove 48 straight hours tomLas Vegas for our honeymoon and had no fear of driving 75, being sandwiched between huge tractor trailers. I am still here. If I had been in even one plane crash, it would be a pretty safe bet that I would be dead. In a plane crash, you either live or die. In a car crash, I would say you have a 90% chance of living.
I don't think it is a control issue. Sure, I have a lot of control in a car and have avoided some sure hot death scenarios. I could honestly say that if I were controlling a plane, and knew what I was doing, I wouldn't feel any better because I think most of the planes would crash because of mechanical failure. There is no way to know when that will happen. Same could happen with a car but I would rather not be 30,000' in the air when that happens.
Are they licensed to fly THAT plane? (Yes, there's a HUGE difference)
If it's an overnight or redeye, did the pilot get enough sleep so that they are awake and aware?
Is there a co-pilot?
Did the co-pilot get enough rest just in case the pilot didn't?
Are both pilot and co-pilot healthy? Have they had a medical examination done on a regular basis to flesh out any issues such as heart attacks?
How recently was the plane fueled (especially given the concerns about gas prices)?
How recently was the plane inspected?
Did it pass inspections with flying colors, or were there issues?
If there were issues did the plane get grounded until they were fully resolved and retested?
Is the FCC inspector competent? Is he/she familiar with that style of plane?
Did the airline underestimate the effect of luggage weight on the plane dynamics?
Is it bird migration season? Are there an unusual amount of bird strikes?
Will the landing gear fail? Has it been inspected by anyone?
Is there going to be horrible weather in either your departing or arriving city?
Is some nutcase boarding the plane with a weapon that TSA overlooked?
Maybe I"m just an extremely trusting person, but the FAA and the airlines have strict regulations about who can pilot a plane and when, airplane inspections, flight conditions, etc. I've had flights delayed because of weather, and one because there weren't enough people available to make a qualified flight crew, etc. One time we'd already boarded and had to disembark and wait for a new plane because the plane we boarded hadn't had a specific maintenance inspection done. They're not going to let just anyone pilot a plane or knowingly put a dangerous aircraft in the air.
I don't get the connection between suffocating and a plane crash. It will be more like the fly swatter. When the plane slams into the ground, you'll die.
If you stay home, a plane could crash into your house at night and kill your whole family. Or you could have a gas leak and your house explodes. That happens a few times a year.
Or a sinkhole could swallow your house while you're in bed. Now that sounds like a suffocation event.
At any given moment during daylight hours, there are nearly 5000 planes in FAA airspace. Not many crash. Just some data for you.
Instead of getting angry with your wife for not catering to your phobia, make a decision to do something about it.
The op has a panic disorder. Before that plane crashes into the ground he will be riddled with fear and anxiety that would make any sane person feel like they are insane and out of control. The feeling of constant fear when there is no reason to fear is horrific.
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