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Have you been to the Relationships forum? Judging by the posts there, there's nothing in a man's DNA that makes him want to pay. A lot of the guys there complain about being used for free dinners, and say women should pay their own way. You'd be surprised how many men are angry about this "tradition". Times are changing, and more women are paying their share.
I've noticed a trend in that direction but I do not know why the men are almost always expected to do the asking. There is no trend on the reversal of that.
I've been told several times I am good looking. Yet despite working in high rise office bulidings for the last 23 years and going out at times alone I have never been outright asked out in person on a date. I've been single and unattatched for 30 years of my adult life including now. I'd like to experience what it's like to be asked out on an actual date just once but I have given up.
I asked several times on the Relationships forum (which I no longer want anything to do with) and I never got an answer. I brought it up here once. Still, no answer.
The first word in that sentence should be "Some." Must be a young 20 something thing, I don't know.
Whoever asks should pay on the first date. But it would be nice if the other party offers.
Since men are expected to do the asking for some reason paying is on them. That's the way it is. Don't like it then don't ask anyone out on a date. Problem solved.
It seems more an older generation thing. It hails from a time when men tended to earn a lot more than women too, and the wife was expected to be a stay at home mother after marriage. I guess that first date would set the pattern.
I think the safest thing [these days] is for the man to assume he will be paying.
But why is that the general assumption? What it is that makes (most/many) Western men need to "court" the (most/many) women in the beginning? Why don't a larger percentage of women "court" men? What is the psychology behind this?
But why is that the general assumption? What it is that makes (most/many) Western men need to "court" the (most/many) women in the beginning? Why don't a larger percentage of women "court" men? What is the psychology behind this?
Actually I don't think it is psychology, rather genetics!
There is a process of "selection" by both the male and female which ends up with the best babies produced - for the survival of the human species.
And what makes this process more complex is that "randomness" is thrown into the mix by mother nature. That is there will be a small percentage of men/women who differ in their selection process. That assures that not everyone is exactly the same. Sometimes those random types might be the only ones to survive [because they are different from the rest].
For example say a nasty plague comes along and wipes out most of the population - millions of people (before modern medicine). Most people are social and interact with others. But a small percentage are hermits and never go around other people. In this case, those hermits might be the only people to survive! (Thus differences and randomness are sort of an "insurance policy" for the continued survival of the species.)
Anyway over thousands of years, mother nature has developed the "courting" process. And the only thing which matters is the continued survival of the human species. So keep that in mind when trying to figure out what men do this and women do that [typically - throw out the random - small percentage of people behaviors].
Whoever asks, pays - that's the way it is in most cultures <shrugs> Now, that men tend to do more of the asking, at least early in the relationship, then they "get" to pay in those cases.
As a woman, I have no issues with paying when I ask and I WILL ask, but probably not until maybe the third date and going forward in terms of being a reciprocating, mutual kind of relationship. I'm not sure why, but that's what I'm comfortable with and it seems a helluva lot better than NEVER paying!
I think it's nature. Cavemen got mates by dragging a dead mastodon or something to the cave, men now do this by taking a woman out to dinner.
Really? Do we actually KNOW this, or is it just something funny or seems to fit what we want?
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) protests or insists on paying, THEN let her pay, discuss it, both pay, one gets the tip, or whatever.
