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I've been hurt so many times by being open that I simply don't trust people. I am friendly in general, but underneath it all is a suspicion that the person is going to be an awful person.
I don't dislike the good people. I do dislike the bad people, however, and sometimes it's difficult to determine which is which.
its funny (not the ha ha kind but the ironic kind) that people think you have to be this social butterfly to be normal. Well thats not the case.
the key is - if you choose to be the way you want to be, thats the key to happiness. Rather than being needy.
If you want to understand introverts just read about them even on the internet theres info. And anyone who is an introvert, dont feel like theres something wrong with you.
I find the bolded quite rude. Your lack of social skills is definitely shining through. You will forgive me if I no longer respond to anything that you post.
lol, if you found that rude, then maybe you should live under a rock the rest of your life.
hell, what you just said is much more rude. i may not have the best social skills, but at least i am not a hypocrite. good luck in your life. was just trying to help
i also don't care if you respond. were you expecting me to do this? not gonna happen.
LOL
folks, this is the perfect reason why i choose not to become a "people" person.
There you go! I agree with everything you stated. I think a person can do just about anything well enough provided that person is a good enough actor. When you think about it, we are all actors anyways; all of our social interactions (or most of them at least) are basically interactions between our social masks, which are, by nature, sort of fake and deceptive. So, whether we are aware of it or not, we are all actors on stage already, even in our smallest, most innocuous social interactions. So to me, I think a non-people person can easily morph into a people person simply by being a good actor. If you actively try to become what you wish to become, and if you willingly wear the appropriate social mask to help achieve that end, I don't see it being much of a problem. You will likely feel phony as can be (which you probably should), but you will likely be effective.
We are all actors, and we reward one another on how effectively we act out our various social roles.
And I agree with everything you said as well. You captured the essence of what I did and how I felt about it beautifully! We are all actors...me "becoming" more of a people person just made me turn my acting skills up a few notches. lol.
I was reading a thread in Work and Employment where the OP wants to be a teacher and she doesn't really like people.
You don't have to be a people person to teach. I'm a college professor, pretty good at the teaching part, and I'm an introverted person. What I do in the classroom is a performance. After a work-week, I'm typically pretty exhausted from classroom interaction and don't want to be around people for a day or so.
Many of the skills that an actor needs are the skills a teacher needs for the classroom part of the job. I always suggest to new teachers that they take an acting class or two.
There is a difference between introversion and actively disliking people, however. It's not a job for the anti-social or psychopaths.
As an introvert I find dealing with Other People draining and sometimes downright exhausting. Still, I am temperamentally interested in relationships and would not characterize myself as uncomfortable socially. I would say though that overall, over a little under six decades, I have found actually engaging in relationships to be far more complex and error-prone and drama-strewn than I ever imagined, and the sum total of my relationships I am forced to judge as Not Worth the Trouble. I am far more selective and careful now, to the point where one hand provides me with more than enough fingers to count the people I'm in any way close to. This is not necessarily a bad thing, although it doesn't speak well for the upcoming Deathbed Scene, where I am more apt to be surrounded by bleeping medical equipment than by adoring, tearful friends and relatives. I'm not sure how I really feel about that. It cuts both ways. Some of my relatives would not be a comfort to be at the end anyway.
To the point of the OP, I suspect I could be "more of a people person" if I had the motivation, but I simply don't anymore. I can't see the percentage in it. Relationships would work for me on the distant planet where people were less self-absorbed and the desire for, and commitment to, relationship were more balanced and equal between most people. Too often, others in relationship with me are on the giving end of my devotion and loyalty, with nothing like the same commitment in the other direction. By the time I learned how to have better boundaries and fewer expectations, I had managed to burn myself out on the whole concept. From here on in I will be plenty happy just to have peace and quiet and not to find my engagements with others painful and discouraging.
I make use of meetup.com to keep myself out there (mostly, but not exclusively, professionally). A couple of events a month that involve some incidental socializing are about all I either want or need outside of my immediate family. So to directly answer the OP, "yes ... but why?"
its funny (not the ha ha kind but the ironic kind) that people think you have to be this social butterfly to be normal. Well thats not the case.
the key is - if you choose to be the way you want to be, thats the key to happiness. Rather than being needy.
If you want to understand introverts just read about them even on the internet theres info. And anyone who is an introvert, dont feel like theres something wrong with you.
Introverts - You are OK just as you are!
I agree with you. I am a natural introvert, but I am an introvert that does crave a fair amount of socializing. I can be perfectly fine being by myself for long periods of time (days, weeks, etc,), but I do need large periods of socializing to counterbalance my natural introverted tendencies. If I go too long without being around people or friends, I start to get lonely and depressed. So, there are many times I will socialize even if I don't really want to, simply because I want to maintain the friendships I have and also to prevent myself from getting too comfortable being alone. Because sometimes, I actually feel I do get too comfortable being alone, and I don't want to be a total loner -- because I do think keeping a regular social schedule is healthy (at least for me).
But my biggest problems are going through the typical, expected, mundane social behaviors that we have to engage in when in most social situations. I truly despise small talk and mindless banter, but I realize those behaviors have their place, so I have to learn to simply go with the flow.
I agree with you. I am a natural introvert, but I am an introvert that does crave a fair amount of socializing. I can be perfectly fine being by myself for long periods of time (days, weeks, etc,), but I do need large periods of socializing to counterbalance my natural introverted tendencies. If I go too long without being around people or friends, I start to get lonely and depressed. So, there are many times I will socialize even if I don't really want to, simply because I want to maintain the friendships I have and also to prevent myself from getting too comfortable being alone. Because sometimes, I actually feel I do get too comfortable being alone, and I don't want to be a total loner -- because I do think keeping a regular social schedule is healthy (at least for me).
But my biggest problems are going through the typical, expected, mundane social behaviors that we have to engage in when in most social situations. I truly despise small talk and mindless banter, but I realize those behaviors have their place, so I have to learn to simply go with the flow.
That sounds great! You worked out whats the right balance of being alone and being with others! And being ok with it, and not letting anyone determine that for you.
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