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I know this girl who I dated ocassionally for 2 years, was like 2 dates in a year. Recently (in Feb) we hooked up as "friends with benefits".
To make things shorter I will skip to the issue at hand.
I witnessed within a month, what I think was an episode: The rage, the yelling out of the blue.
I make the HUGE MISTAKE of telling her "I think you suffer from bipolarity". Of course she got mad.
After the week of the incident I wrote her a letter, a heartfelt letter where I say to her basically "I'm sorry..." No answer or anything from her.
She is not answering calls or my texts. But I have a book she lends me and I want to make amends, not getting back together on her good terms or anything just to say to her "I'm not your enemy".
I feel bad because we go way back, and I don't want to be like a stranger to her, she's a sweet woman, only with a troubled past of suffering: a 10 year marriage which ended on divorce with no children.
So, on your experience with bipolar (I think she is suffering from some mild case of something) what's the best way to basically "hey we can be friends".
Speaking as someone who has trouble coming to terms with my own bipolar, she may never have heard it before, or she may be in denial. This is not something you can cure. Only a medical doctor, telling them themselves that they, for sure, have the condition, will make them believe (and sometimes even that doesn't work.)
It is a psychological disorder, and not something you can change. It's best to just tell her that you're sorry, and don't mention it again. But do get help for her somehow without involving yourself personally in all of it.
Speaking as someone who has trouble coming to terms with my own bipolar, she may never have heard it before, or she may be in denial. This is not something you can cure. Only a medical doctor, telling them themselves that they, for sure, have the condition, will make them believe (and sometimes even that doesn't work.)
It is a psychological disorder, and not something you can change. It's best to just tell her that you're sorry, and don't mention it again. But do get help for her somehow without involving yourself personally in all of it.
I hope this makes sense.
Yes it makes sense...thanks and hope your thing works for the best.
I must say we kinda patched things up through whatsapp.
She was a little harsh telling me we needed to go "separate ways" and blah blah blah but at the end we wished each other "goodbyes" and "good luck". I was more in the terms of "not being enemies", thing she agreed on.
There was a huge amount of drama to return a damn book!!! she wanted me to give it on her mom's house and not at her's. I was very suspicious, she didn't want to be alone with me fearing over and over I was going to address the subject of the bipolarity. But I wasn't even thinking of telling her that again. I just wanted to return her damn book and that was all.
Like a sign of God I waited for the designed timeframe she gave me and I found her leaving so we didn't have much time. She even told me "you lose some weight" I smiled and said "thanks. here's the book it was very helpful". She was somehow distant, but she was fine overall.
So that's a wrap!
My bipolar lover is gone...and for good. It was exhausting dealing with this thing.
Well it sounds like to me she may Borderline Personality Disorder. People with Borderline Disorder have poorly regulated emotions, emotions change quickly, they seriously overreact to situations. Because their emotions change quickly, they are prone to depression, feeling sad for reasons not obvious to people around them. Many times people are diagnosed as Bipolar instead of BPD.
Did she tell you she was diagnosed as Bipolar? BPD is harder to diagnose because their are many more symptoms than I gave in this discussion.
The best thing to do in these situations, no matter what the damage, is to steer clear. The best thing she did for you was to walk away. Life with a pathological bites. Big.
Quote:
Originally Posted by muzic072014
honestly, i realized a lot of women snap real fast, and have short tempers, I think its just insecurities of not able to deal with a situtation
Well it sounds like to me she may Borderline Personality Disorder. People with Borderline Disorder have poorly regulated emotions, emotions change quickly, they seriously overreact to situations. Because their emotions change quickly, they are prone to depression, feeling sad for reasons not obvious to people around them. Many times people are diagnosed as Bipolar instead of BPD.
Did she tell you she was diagnosed as Bipolar? BPD is harder to diagnose because their are many more symptoms than I gave in this discussion.
A little bit of both I think, but more in the lines of BP.
I witnessed the manic state: the sex drive, the wild alcoholic consumption, the life of the party so to speak.
and the deppression: mild ones but still down and out. Sleeping disorder, eating disorder. Somewhat crazy decisions and logic off way out of line. For example last year she texted me she has found somebody "wonderful", I didn't contacted her, like in 6 months or so last year before getting that text. When she told me this year about that she confessed to me that was because I was around her. In reality I wasn't even trying to date her last year after Feb. and the text came to me in october. The "wonderful guy" did her and left after 3 months.
She may be a little bit of borderline, but my take is on bipolarity first. She tends to go off the radar, she even on her behaviour acts with a tough defense mechanism: arms crossed all the time.
But what I called the "exorcist" rage that my friend was scary.
It's not like a "common" rage or anger this is something else entirely: the words (I'm a loose cannon) writing with her "non writing hand", the weird look on her face...man I'm telling you..scared the crap out of me, and trust me I've been with crazy women before but this was something. Shocking!
The best thing to do in these situations, no matter what the damage, is to steer clear. The best thing she did for you was to walk away. Life with a pathological bites. Big.
Yes, that is the wise move to do. "Just Walk away, there will be no more tomorrows" (Dokken)
It's hurtful because she's a great person overall but there is no future there.
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How to make amends with a bipolar person
