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Old 09-07-2014, 11:40 AM
Location: The last fluffy cloud on the horizon
284 posts, read 341,727 times
Reputation: 589


Originally Posted by LostinPhilly View Post
First and foremost, I don't want anyone on here to leave me reputation comments such as "aw, somebody needs attention" (yes, I know who posted this, get a life instead of checking my posts). Some people on here may have it easy but I don't. That's how my life is. I wasn't born a shiny bubble. We all have demons and it's certainly not a reason to bash others because they want to talk or get some help. If you're no willing to provide me with some helpful answers, I'd advise you to take a hike. I really wish my life were beautiful and I didn't have to post this but the reality is different. I have demons, it's my business, not yours.

So I have suffered from emotional and physical abuse for a very very long time. I won't go into detail but it was pretty rough. For years and years I was afraid of staying at home with my mother. I was petrified. Then when I'd go to school, I'd get bullied or worse hit by kids. It went on until I went to college.

Then when I was in college, life was great but not so great. As I was "released" from my emotional distress, I didn't know how to handle this freedom and became very secluded. I dedicated all of my time to my studies and didn't know how to make friends because I was never allowed to have any.

I started developing some serious mental issues (depression, mainly). Thankfully, I had already stopped self-harming myself and my eating disorders were far behind. However, the suicide word would often come to my mind. Mainly when things didn't go my way. And they never really did after some traumatic event I went through with my mother, I started therapy. Unfortunately, the therapist didn't believe me because I come from a "privileged" background. I stopped the sessions.

I was doing fine for a while as I was able to confess, for the first time, what my mother did to me. The unbearing pain I had been carrying all these years. The baggage that prevented me from developing healthy relationships.

I finished college/work and moved back home for the summer, my personality hasn't been the same. I've become even more secluded and I'm starting to resent my mother who is still very abusive to me. The day I told her I had passed my final college exams, that moment, she spit in my face. When I confronted her about it this summer, she told me to "f*ck off". As I don't have a job, don't have a single friend, don't have money at the moment (hence, I can't see a therapist) and I'm back home for the time being, I'm looking for ways to "escape". Just today, that woman tried to hit me with a fork. I resent her, but I can't bring myself to disclose this to anyone.

Suicide seems like the only option at the moment. Self-harm is starting to take over my thoughts. I'm confused and quite lost. I thought I had left all of this behind but seeing her face makes me nauseous. She broke the door to my room today because of something I said to my sister as a joke (about cats) and tried to hit me. She claims I'm trying to instill an "emotional imbalance" in my sister when this woman is the one who hurt me repeatedly. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. She uses any reason to try and hit me or tear me apart.

I was doing good emotionally until I came back home. All of my demons are starting to haunt me again.

Is there any self-help books or videos I might get to help myself?

Thank you!
Originally Posted by LostinPhilly View Post
Thank you all for your help. I only have God to turn to and books, clearly.

I'm jobless at the moment which is the reason why I moved back in. I was supposed to move away in September but it didn't go as planned. That's why I'm stuck at home. I'm going to have to look for a babysitting job, I think.

I thought my prestigious college degreee would help me find a job quickly but it didn't. Now, I'm back at square one. Believe me, I've been looking for jobs because I'm getting sick of this woman. She's physically abusive and I am now losing it (no appetite, crying all day long). Women's shelters are far too risky especially coming from a background like mine, I wouldn't handle it.

My dad isn't defending me at all... worse he told me: "Physical abuse doesn't have any impact on your psychological well-being" Sure! To say he went to college and was still able to come up with such nonsense ... it baffles me. He's trying to defend her hideous behavior. Then she claims I was born with an "anxiety" condition because her dad tried to "kill" me when I was still unborn. Yeah, okay. I'm not buying this BS. Coming up with a rubbish excuse to cover your lousy parenting skills instead of facing the truth - she's evil as hell.

I have two sisters and they're both claiming my mother is "the best mother on earth". They don't believe a word I say because she treats them like queens. Yet, she abuses me in front of them but they still see her as the "best mother". They're quite insensitive and egoistical to be honest.

Some I know advised me to get earplugs ... Hum, yeah right.

Thanks all for your help!
Wow! Sorry to hear that you're going through all this. It's difficult to imagine that the very people who are expected to nurture you are the ones causing you grief. I'm perplexed that even your sisters are not standing up for you. It is highly unusual for siblings to witness abuse and not acknowledge it or intervene. Especially in 20s where you have more independence.

Your situation is undeniably complex but I think the best way out of this situation is to remove yourself from your mother's influence. You may have to find menial work until you can secure a more acceptable employment. Are you able to get a loan from your father... Or do you have a trust or allowance?

Sadly the abuse will likely continue until you can empower yourself, increase your independence, or leave.

God has promised that He will make a way, where the seems to be no way. He will see you through this, Lost.
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Old 08-04-2015, 03:26 PM
1 posts, read 316 times
Reputation: 10
Default You aren't alone and there are many people out there with resources to help you

Maybe it would help you to watch my video on how to decide kind of what to do next? Maybe it's not the most relevant video, but I've gone through some similar stuff and maybe one of my videos might help, if only a little. Anyway, here's the link! [url]https://youtu.be/XPTsFGd6lkg[/url]
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