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Women *do* have an expiration date in a way that men do not. That is just the way it is. Moreover, later pregnancies tend to have higher risks of Down's syndrome. Sad.
Increased paternal age can also be a factor in Down syndrome.
That said, many people with DS are far more capable than was realized in the past, given proper education and opportunities. There's a new documentary series, "The Specials", which aired in the UK a few years ago and is now being shown here - you can catch several episodes online. It features a group of young adults, four out of the five of whom have DS, who share accommodations and, well, live their lives, working, going to school, traveling, socializing (do they ever, and with great joi de vivre), competing in the Special Olympics, finding romance, etc.
It's a delightful series, with an endearing cast, and I expect it will enlighten many viewers about people with DS and other developmental delays.
Have you considered getting your degree, working, etc., then adopting, perhaps adopting an older child or children (given your ages)? Might be the best of both worlds...and it certainly would change the world for any child you might adopt!
You want to travel, but you say you can't do that until you have a job so you have money to travel. When you find a job, you'll most likely have to wait a year until you get one week of vacation. Since you want your masters before your 40, you won't likely travel in the near future anyway since masters degrees cost money. The longer you wait to have children, the odds of birth defects increase. That you might not be able to afford to travel later in life because you have a special needs child due to waiting too late to have children.
This stagnant period is your window of opportunity. You're not currently working towards any of your other goals, aside from job hunting. You have a child now and the chances of conception and carrying the child to term are better. Birth defects are less likely than when you wait until you're older. Enroll in your master's program and get pregnant while you're in the master's program. Try to time it so you're having your baby when you're done with your masters.
You should have already bought health insurance. It's available to anyone who doesn't have insurance through an employer. The cost is based on income. I wouldn't wait another minute to buy it because the government only allows a few months gap from when your last coverage ended. If you don't qualify now, you'll qualify for the next enrollment period at the end of the year. Preexisting conditions no longer apply. Your pregnancy will be covered if you buy health insurance.
Plan to travel with your child. I know many families whose children haven't prevented them from traveling the world. Furthermore, the sooner you have children, the sooner you'll have an empty nest so you can resume traveling later in life. If you wait until after you're 40 to have children, you will be paying for college in your 60s when you will be needing to vamp up you retirement savings. That may further hinder your future travel.
Since it seems children are your last priority, seriously consider being child-free (never having children). There is no law that you must be a parent. If you really don't want to have children---don't have them.
I agree. I don't want to be raising kids in my 60's and yes, I'm aware of the risks of waiting.
Texas doesn't have expanded medicaid/they do not go by your income (lack of). When I started to sign up for insurance, it was going to be $140/mo and that would have made things a bit tight right now.
If you want kids, this is a good time to have them. At age 35, it could be now or never rather than now or later, or at best, it could end up being much more expensive down the road if you need to use IVF or other expensive, high tech means of conception.
But having kids definitely should not be because you can't think of anything better to do while you are job hunting! It's bizarre to me that you would create a quiz on the internet to ask when you should have kids or even if you should have them. No one can know what you and your husband want.
It's just the way the cookie crumbled. I would've liked to start a family in my late 20's or early 30's but I was single for much of that time. As far as the grad degree, I'd sworn off going because of the cost, but recently found an AFFORDABLE program which I didn't even think existed. Again...the cookie crumbled this way. I wish I would've known of this program years ago.
It's just the way the cookie crumbled. I would've liked to start a family in my late 20's or early 30's but I was single for much of that time. As far as the grad degree, I'd sworn off going because of the cost, but recently found an AFFORDABLE program which I didn't even think existed. Again...the cookie crumbled this way. I wish I would've known of this program years ago.
Is it a full-time in person grad degree? What is the appeal of the grad degree to you? What is the appeal of children to you?
I know his role is minute and insignificant but what does your sperm donor want?
There is no perfect time to have a baby. Never. If you want to do it, then do it now. My husband and I were both 37 when we had our first child and our second at 39. I'm glad we waited; it was the right choice for us. I think people (especially women) are finally coming to terms with the fact that you can't really "have it all" and be a perfect spouse, mother and career woman. But, then again, it's OK to not be perfect.....
Yes, I'm ultra aware of the risks as I age, which is why I feel the "now or never pressure". I'm definitely starting to realize there's no perfect time. Trying to make sure things were perfect is what got me in this predicament! Lol.
Think ahead to the point in the future where you can no longer have kids. Are you at that point going to regret a decision to not have kids or wish you did have kids?If you want kids now is the time to make that happen, you still have enough time to have more than one kid,although having kids will definitely get in the way of any career plans you may have. What would hubbys reaction be if you told him tonight its show time,lets make a family?
He does want kids. He's getting older too (42) and feels some pressure. He'd rather I find a job first, but we're looking into medicaid for pregnant women. We live in Texas and they do not have expanded medicaid but do offer some benefits to pregnant women.
It is a bit of both...I want to be a mother AND I feel like it's now or never and I'm fearful of having regret later if I choose not to.
That's great, but are you really going to have access to the better doctors if you go on Medicaid?
There's an opinion missing here that should matter more than any of the opinions on this forum...what does your husband think about the situation? He should definitely have a voice in what you choose. You probably discussed having children with him at some point, would the decision not do to so be a dealbreaker for him? This isn't really something you can put off another ten years and then decide to do.
He definitely is involved in this decision. He knows about this post/poll and is interested in the response. He's leaning toward me finding a job first, but does feel the age pressure as well because he's even older than I at 42...he doesn't want to be raising kids in his 70's.
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He knows about this post/poll and is interested in the response. He's leaning toward me finding a job first, but does feel the age pressure as well because he's even older than I at 42...he doesn't want to be raising kids in his 70's.
