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You (35) and your spouse (42) recently relocated to a new city. He's the only one working and it's taking you longer than expected to find a job and you're already concerned about the employment gap on your resume since the relocation.
Do you go ahead and start a family while in this stagnant period? Or do you wait (how long unknown) until you find a job/insurance, then start a family and somehow fit the masters degree in there somewhere down the line? Other things to consider...you do not have insurance through your spouses employer, you have a great love for travel but can't do this freely until both incomes are back in play and you want to get your graduate degree before 40.
What are your suggestions on a timeline?
You can't do all that. You'll need to prioritize and sacrifice something. Having a child is probably not a good thing to sacrifice, but having one when you can't afford it is also a bad idea. Once you have a child, you will find it more difficult to get a job, build a career, etc. You'll have to consider the costs of childcare, and may even realize it is more cost efficient not to work full-time. Forget traveling with a small child, especially if you are not rich. Your income will not be for leisure anymore - you need to pay for tons of things for the child, plus save for college, etc. You could go to grad school OR work, but you'll kill yourself trying to do both at that age with a small child. You're going to have to be more realistic about what comes first. But if you wait, you may ruin your chances for a child. 35 is about the limit of waiting, no matter what anyone says. By 38, you are more likely than not going to have a very hard time getting pregnant, and every year after that it will get worse. Then you'll be looking at fertility treatments. If you want a kid, put that first and go for it.
I had my son at 42, and he's 10 now, and I don't feel this way at all. Yes, I'm older than most of the other parents, but not even all of them. And even when I am, there is 5 or 10 years max difference, not 20. We are not so different in life experiences that we don't have things in common. One of my dearest friends is 10 years younger than me and I never feel like there is any age difference.
I was talking about two different people. The first was my mother and how my little sister felt about our parents being older. The second is a CD mom here who became a mother much older than discussing in this thread. It would be relevant if the OP postponed for many, many years with the plan to adopt later though.
I was talking about two different people. The first was my mother and how my little sister felt about our parents being older. The second is a CD mom here who became a mother much older than discussing in this thread. It would be relevant if the OP postponed for many, many years with the plan to adopt later though.
Yes, and again I think these things are outside the normal parameters of modern older parents.
I live it everyday and I really think experience from 20 - 30 years ago is a lot different than now.
It's hard to even tell how old a parent is between the ages of 35 - 55 given how people in that age range look and act now.
If you have the option of getting pregnant now I suggest you take it.
Your fertility drops over 35 and you may have issues conceiving.
BUT, the bigger issue for me is the higher likelihood of a child with Down's Syndrome or Autism.
I would not wait.
Higher likelihood does not mean will have. And there are many many young parents with Autistic kids, nobody really knows why.
Testing very early on is available to detect genetic/chromosomal abnormalities that may occur.
Everyone has a risk of these things occurring. I would argue that the extra vigilance that goes with having AMA is a good safeguard against potential problems.
However there's nothing wrong with going ahead while younger if it's possible for you, as yes there are fertility issues at play with some women.
Yes, and again I think these things are outside the normal parameters of modern older parents.
I live it everyday and I really think experience from 20 - 30 years ago is a lot different than now.
It's hard to even tell how old a parent is between the ages of 35 - 55 given how people in that age range look and act now.
The CD member is a modern parent. She's parenting now, not decades ago. If the OP postpones having children and plans to adopt in her mid-40s, she'll be parenting into her mid-60s. It's harder to blend in with the 35-55 crowd after 60. Don't take it personally. I was replying to the OP's response to someone who felt that way about her mother.
The CD member is a modern parent. She's parenting now, not decades ago. If the OP postpones having children and plans to adopt in her mid-40s, she'll be parenting into her mid-60s. It's harder to blend in with the 35-55 crowd after 60. Don't take it personally. I was replying to the OP's response to someone who felt that way about her mother.
I realize that Hopes but she is still an outlier as far as age goes. (Not meaning any disrespect at all in that statement, she's a great parent). But extraordinary nonetheless.
The OP is not going to be parenting a 12 year old in her late 60's. She's more likely to be in my demo which is not either the poster you're talking about or the generation of your parents.
Those of us in our late 40's early 50's with elementary school kids really don't have a problem relating to the rest of the parents, younger or not. And I have interaction with a wide range of parents at our school.
There may be issues but speaking as a current parent in that situation this really isn't even one I'd put on the radar.
say you wait 5 yrs, now he's 47 almost 50,,,when son/daughter is 13 in jr high, dad will be 60 and looking like his grandfather
60 year old people these days are not the same as previous generations. That is not likely to be the case at all and it's quite common, so the kid will not be an anomaly.
I don't think the focus here should be the older mom fitting in with other moms. When my kids were preschoolers my circle included 20-somethings to 40-somethings. You almost didn't know unless the subject of age came up.
The focus should be the distinct possibility that the op may not be able to conceive at all if she waits. Adoption is great but not always easy either.
I think you need to make a hard choice at this point in your life: Baby or Master's/travel lifestyle. If you wait too long, you may end up with neither. For the record, I suggest starting a family, even if you are in between jobs. You guys will survive.
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