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I actually was thinking about the workplace when I posted this thread. I'm interested in working in media/advertising/television, and even in school, there are a lot of pricks in those fields. Self centerd, bossy, privileged... Since I'm just in school, all I can do is do my best, make friends outside the industry and keep a line between my personal and work life. I get along a lot better with nice people and the ones more mature.. I just feel comfortable around them. I can immediately tell the *******s apart and try to stay away from them but still be polite. I just hate working with them because they try to take over even when their ideas suck and they don't want to do anything else but what they want. I'm certainly learning who I don't like here. I have been speaking up when I don't like something but i don't ever feel listened to... I can't tell if it's the way I'm delivering things, if my idea sucks that bad but sometimes I do end up being right, or if it's the way I'm coming across, or if it's them. And I really don't care about being right. I just hate giving my opinion if it seems like nobody's listening because it's coming from me.
It sounds to me like you have a delivery problem when getting your ideas out, maybe it has nothing to do with being nice/good, it sounds like you lack confidence. People who lack confidence can often get taken advantage of and have their ideas/thoughts put aside to someone who has more confidence, even if their idea/thought isn't really better. Not sure if that helps you, but something to consider.
I also have a couple responses to other replies, first Karma is crap, there is only a slimmer of truth in karma, 90% of what happens depends on your actions. Second ignore that commenter talking about white boyfriends, that's ridiculous, I'm very happily married to an Asian woman and I'm white. Asian women in America are generally pretty tough, especially the ones in business, they have to be able to get through their male dominated cultures. However, it is possible to be too sweet where people will be more likely to take advantage of you, so consider that as well.
I honestly have had good luck with "Sorry cant talk, struggling to hold in diarrhea" and "Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior?" Then smiling so hard, being aggressively nice, and really insisting upon talking to them to convert them to the Lord.
Silly! The last one would ENDEAR you to some of the people down here! They would want to have hour long conversations with you (while sitting on the front porch with a cold glass of sweet tea)!
I'm just pretty soft spoken. Often times I feel like people aren't listening to me or aren't hearing me. When I say something, I often don't get a response. So I repeat myself, unsure of whether they heard me or not. And even then they don't really say much. I feel like I need to put in more energy than other people just to express myself.
I know the "nice girl" syndrome you are talking about. I used to be like that but grew out of it. I think the boundaries thing is more like it. I definitely feel I have boundary issues and need to stand with my opinions more strongly. As of right now, I feel like I can be pushed toward either side in arguments. I've always tried to have an open mind, but am struggling to commit to a side.
I think I'm also talking about a public image. I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and was like wow, I look way too sweet right now. People definitely judge you based on looks so I was thinking of ways to make myself not be perceived as someone to be stepped all over. I know some girls have shaved their heads for the "tough girl" image, but I don't feel that's me.
I have had to dress and act differently to avoid problems when working in a certain type of place. This was a temporary situation but I found out I would not do well unless I changed my image. I pretended to be, well, looked quite butch. The men I had to deal with and the people I was around just did the work and didn't see me as a little woman to be pushed around. The area was bad, full of groups of guys hanging around corners and no one harassed me. You can be small in stature and petite if you do not go for femininity. I wore no makeup, bulked myself up in loose hefty clothes, wore baseball caps, didn't carry a purse. I don't have tats so I put on a fake one. I would not do that stuff all the time but working in certain areas that is the safest route and it was strategic in getting my work accomplished.
In everyday life I just try to be as assertive as possible, and just set the boundaries. People are harder on those they perceive as sweet (weak) when we put up the boundaries because they don't expect it. That's just how it is. Some people will never respect those they view as "nice" so we have to be prepared to firmly say no even if we do it politely. It works best when it comes with no explanation so they can't come back with why you are wrong.
For most of my life, I made the mistake of thinking I always needed to be nice to people. Being nice and kind is very important to me, but I'm finding out it doesn't matter so much to others. People may say they want to be around nice people (who doesn't), but they don't really respect you. From experience, people take advantage of nice people, they perceive them as weak and step all over them.. they soak up your niceness and try to wring you dry... and yet I still don't feel bitter or angry about it all. Numb and neutral is more like it. I just want to be respected and seem more tough. I feel like it must be a mindset kind of thing. I don't like the idea of hurting or offending anybody, but my fear of that is holding me back from speaking the truth about situations, and I think that's what people don't respect.
On the shirt make mention of your sincere interest in mixed martial arts.
For most of my life, I made the mistake of thinking I always needed to be nice to people. Being nice and kind is very important to me, but I'm finding out it doesn't matter so much to others. People may say they want to be around nice people (who doesn't), but they don't really respect you. From experience, people take advantage of nice people, they perceive them as weak and step all over them.. they soak up your niceness and try to wring you dry... and yet I still don't feel bitter or angry about it all. Numb and neutral is more like it. I just want to be respected and seem more tough. I feel like it must be a mindset kind of thing. I don't like the idea of hurting or offending anybody, but my fear of that is holding me back from speaking the truth about situations, and I think that's what people don't respect.
I know in the Asian culture (traditionally) the values are peace and social harmony.. confrontation is usually discouraged because it breaks up the social order in society, and creates a sense of chaos that basically shames a family or an entire community..
In light of saving face or not to, what I usually do is call b.s. instantly out for what it is.. I usually say: "that's not cool. What do you mean by that??"
Some people need to be called out on their bullsh*t. I usually do and don't hesitate. I look at them RIGHT IN THE EYE.
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