How can I tell if someone is mentally ill? (therapy, depressed, parent)

[cwaggy]

Are there any obvious outward signs that someone has mental illness, even when at first they seem 'normal'? Do some people with antisocial or psycho behaviours develop coping mechanisms to keep others from figuring out they are really 'trojan horses' - that is to say once they are inside the gate to your home, your life, your business, your club, your organization - they then melt-down at every perceived slight or question and become the center of every issue, creating drama and discord, fear and adversity by accusing those around them of being 'devious' ... all the while making up 'theories' as to why and how their new 'adversaries' have the means and motives to undermine them, when of course none of it is true? That is to say, someone who quickly puts everyone around them on the defensive on a very personal level? Without having to put a potential contract partner or business associate through a psychological screening, what if any are the tell-tale signs of an otherwise high-functioning individual who might later turn out to be paranoid or exhibit other anti-social traits?

[bluefrogs]

basically, it comes down to whether they respect boundaries as a clear indicator of whether someone should be far far away. someone who wants a relationship too fast and intuitively doesn't feel right may be leaning towards psychotic behavior. people who alternate between hating and loving quickly is someone you need to steer far away from. someone who contradicts their own statements often and lie for no apparent reason except for some gain. watch people's language and how they refer to people, who they omit to talk about.... someone who doesn't have a small group of friends themselves. watch how they treat waiters and underlings. that's usually a telltale sign. i've been burned so many times, i am equally interested in how this thread goes.

[Kin Atoms]

There are no obvious signs. How open are you to people? What do your cautions tell you? Psych profiles can be faked. The really good ones don't get caught. It's a myth to think it won't happen. Go with your feelings, challenge, and confront. You may have less friends, but you won't be taken for a fool. Anyone is looking for a landing/launch pad. It is broadly very idiosyncratic and equally very personal. Some of the best chances work to everyone's advantage. Having win-win opportunities is key. Without the same, it's a disadvantaged experience, and someone's bound to be hurt in the long-run.

Put it out there, be yourself, and have few cares. That will always be received well and no one will discount you. Don't be easy pickins' for the schemer and indifferent.

[ocnjgirl]

Originally Posted by cwaggy

Are there any obvious outward signs that someone has mental illness, even when at first they seem 'normal'? Do some people with antisocial or psycho behaviours develop coping mechanisms to keep others from figuring out they are really 'trojan horses' - that is to say once they are inside the gate to your home, your life, your business, your club, your organization - they then melt-down at every perceived slight or question and become the center of every issue, creating drama and discord, fear and adversity by accusing those around them of being 'devious' ... all the while making up 'theories' as to why and how their new 'adversaries' have the means and motives to undermine them, when of course none of it is true? That is to say, someone who quickly puts everyone around them on the defensive on a very personal level? Without having to put a potential contract partner or business associate through a psychological screening, what if any are the tell-tale signs of an otherwise high-functioning individual who might later turn out to be paranoid or exhibit other anti-social traits?

Don't look for diagnosis, look at the person's behavior. Either you like their actions, behaviors and the way they treat you or you don't. If you don't, it doesn't matter if they are mentally ill or not.

The only reliable way to tell what someone is really like warts and all, is time. That's why rushing into relationships (and especially sex) most often led to me being hooked on guys already by the time "Mr. Hyde" came out, then I'd spend way too long trying to "fix" them. Lesson learned after the last guy, now I wait until I have seen a person's behavior consistently over time and different situations before I jump in and bond to them.

[cwaggy]

Yes, I guess due diligence, deep Google searches, reference checking and a gut check has to take the place of " time " when you need to make a decision without that luxury. I think when someone looks too good to be true, I need to question my perceptions since it is often an illusion. I know people's survival skills kick in when they need a job, a relationship or housing and they do everything they can to put on the best possible front to get what they want. Only time tells what the outcome will be - I guess I was looking for some telltale proverbial 'red flags' that might help uncover anti-social, paranoid or other fringe behaviour that would be problematic. Often you get into relationships of all kinds a bit too deep before you figure out it's a cluster$5*# and the cost of extricating oneself can be quite high.

[ocnjgirl]

Originally Posted by cwaggy

Yes, I guess due diligence, deep Google searches, reference checking and a gut check has to take the place of " time " when you need to make a decision without that luxury. I think when someone looks too good to be true, I need to question my perceptions since it is often an illusion. I know people's survival skills kick in when they need a job, a relationship or housing and they do everything they can to put on the best possible front to get what they want. Only time tells what the outcome will be - I guess I was looking for some telltale proverbial 'red flags' that might help uncover anti-social, paranoid or other fringe behaviour that would be problematic. Often you get into relationships of all kinds a bit too deep before you figure out it's a cluster$5*# and the cost of extricating oneself can be quite high.

I don't understand why you wouldn't have the "luxury of time" to make a decision about being in a relationship. Why wouldn't you be able to take all the time you need to get to know the person? If you are hiring someone for a job, you will see if they have official diagnosis of anything with the background check, and many companies do have psychological testing done (all police, government jobs, etc). Can you give an example when you had to decide to commit to someone quickly and they turned out to be mentally ill, or is this hypothetical?

[Utopian Slums]

There are all types of "mentally ill." In fact, I could argue that we are all a bit "mentally ill" and have maladaptive behaviors.

I don't know what you would expect to find from a Google search. Their psychological records are probably not on-line.

You don't need a label. You just need to use your gut and see what you feel comfortable with. How about starting with asking the person if s/he has ever been in therapy for anything and/or what was the most challenging moment of their lives? (The latter I've been asked in interviews.)

[Shankapotomus]

They tell you they are going to do something at a later time to get you to comply with a request and they never do it.

[Billy_J]

If you have three people standing talking, two are regular people and one is cuckoo...

When the cuckoo person says something strange, the two other people will glance at each other with a look of "say what"?

Or talking with them, I get a "feeling" something is not right.

Or I don't "feel good" talking to the person. If someone is saying the right things to me, I get a "good feeling". Some people give me a headache, make me feel depressed, angry, or upset, etc.

[sbyman]

what makes a mental illness an illness is disturbances that normal people do not exhibit or very inappropriate behavior, or repetitive actions.