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Location: NYC based - Used to Live in Philly - Transplant from Miami
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I am a gay guy. And I prefer a non femme guy.
Both me and my bf are masculine in manner. Although we clean, shop, groom and work out (and play video games) obsessively. HA HA
I guess being gay guys who are being stereotyped as feminine, we don't want to break the wrong portrayal. Hence personally, I prefer a non-femme guy for a partner.
Although I don't think being effeminate is wrong.
If you've ever lived in the South, you know they aren't an exaggeration, sadly. I guess my concept of "masculine" and "feminine" has been spoiled by the way people do it down here. Most of the "masculine" jobs require less than two years of training (most of which young boys get while they are still in high school) and can net around 40K per year. Most women have to pursue two to four year degrees to make that much money. How on Earth is that fair to anyone?
Personally, I can't relate to anything masculine. It just scares me. I also wouldn't consider myself that "feminine," because the way it's done down here confuses me. My concept of the average man is that he was brought up to see himself as "the king of his castle" and his woman is his lowly servant. She sticks to her learned role; he sticks to his. Communication breaks down, and everyone is eventually more or less miserable. The women learn to wear masks in male company and only talk openly about their confusion and pain with other women; they know the men won't try to understand them so they keep it hidden from them. That's not my idea of a healthy relationship, yet it's the way I've seen everyone I know do things around here. The men have a hard time at work and either come home and project their anger and frustration on their wives and children or go out drinking. The women need to have a serious conversation about the relationship, but they can't have it with the men, so they turn to one another.
Perhaps it's "your" admitted fear of anything " masculine " that is fueling your angst in regards to masculine men and the women who desire them.
There are plenty of strong self confident women who aren't intimidated by masculine men, and can easily hold their own in relationships with same.
There are also plenty of masculine men who don't feel the need to "rule" by intimidation or be in total control.
In the South it is believed that all men need to be able to do home repairs. It's part of the male culture and why I'm never going to fit in down here because I despise home repairs and do not have good manual skills. I am totally bad at working with my hands. Does that make me not a real man"? Only in the South. I got to get back to the North Country. I'm a yank.
Perhaps it's "your" admitted fear of anything " masculine " that is fueling your angst in regards to masculine men and the women who desire them.
There are plenty of strong self confident women who aren't intimidated by masculine men, and can easily hold their own in relationships with same.
There are also plenty of masculine men who don't feel the need to "rule" by intimidation or be in total control.
Well, it's mostly the "masculine attitude" down here that I despise. Men think they should be able to control women. That scares me. It makes it seem like the women are just property, and people do it, because they think that is the way relationships are supposed to work. Are there men out there who are not interested in controlling women that are still interested in relationships with them?
Don't get me wrong. Traditional masculine activities are probably good and pleasant for both genders to participate in, but this attitude about everything is what scares me.
In the South it is believed that all men need to be able to do home repairs. It's part of the male culture and why I'm never going to fit in down here because I despise home repairs and do not have good manual skills. I am totally bad at working with my hands. Does that make me not a real man"? Only in the South. I got to get back to the North Country. I'm a yank.
It depends on your socioeconomic status. A guy who doesn't know how to make home repairs and works a blue collar job is viewed as lazy; a guy who works a white collar job and has some education, however, has an excuse. There are many pastors, counselors, doctors, lawyers, etc. down here who do not know how to do home repairs and get along fine.
Plus, you can learn how to do small things at your local home improvement store. I hear it does help people save money.
I'm not attracted to effeminate men (men who actually sound like a woman and carry themselves in a "womanly" way), but I'm totally attracted to men who aren't cliche. Machismo is a turn-off and a bore for me and I'm not a Lois Lane type who needs a Superman type to balance her out. I'm a Wonder Woman. I can do with or without your testosterone lol
When left to our own devices, all interesting people are more dynamic than they would be if trying to conform to what's considered "normal" for their gender and I only like interesting people, so if you're a stereotype from top to bottom with no deviation whatsoever from a textbook male/female, I don't want you. That means guys who fancy themselves cowboy mechanic prize fighting butchers with tobacco for blood and titanium for testicles can hit the road.
The guys I date who are considered very rugged and tough are still very sweet and don't have silly man hangups about things like "sharing their feelings". They don't feel like they constantly have to reaffirm their manhood by placing unnecessary emphasis on how much they love sports, hate shopping, and have no opinion whatsoever on what fabric looks best on the pillows.
P.S. Nothing's sexier than a guy who can admit he doesn't know how to do something lol
I'm not attracted to effeminate men (men who actually sound like a woman and carry themselves in a "womanly" way), but I'm totally attracted to men who aren't cliche. Machismo is a turn-off and a bore for me and I'm not a Lois Lane type who needs a Superman type to balance her out. I'm a Wonder Woman. I can do with or without your testosterone lol
When left to our own devices, all interesting people are more dynamic than they would be if trying to conform to what's considered "normal" for their gender and I only like interesting people, so if you're a stereotype from top to bottom with no deviation whatsoever from a textbook male/female, I don't want you. That means guys who fancy themselves cowboy mechanic prize fighting butchers with tobacco for blood and titanium for testicles can hit the road.
The guys I date who are considered very rugged and tough are still very sweet and don't have silly man hangups about things like "sharing their feelings". They don't feel like they constantly have to reaffirm their manhood by placing unnecessary emphasis on how much they love sports, hate shopping, and have no opinion whatsoever on what fabric looks best on the pillows.
P.S. Nothing's sexier than a guy who can admit he doesn't know how to do something lol
Exactly! That's the kind of person who you can probably have a great conversation with and who isn't so weak emotionally that you constantly have to walk on egg shells and pretend to be weaker than you are so that you don't hurt his self-esteem. That's the way men should be, strong enough emotionally to admit that they have faults!
I wasn't exactly talking about effeminate men. I was talking about men who have enough feminine traits that they seem to be in touch with the female of the species and are less likely to care about conforming to the male stereotypes or doing mean things to women just to get an ego boost. Men who are almost exactly like women, though, if there are any who are into women, wouldn't exactly be a turn off.
I'm unsure because I'm always reading that women prefer more feminine males as long-term partners, but feminine men get a lot of flack for being the way they are.
That's changing in a big way with the younger generation.
I feel as if people get too caught up into the whole femininity/masculinity trap. Both are socially-constructed and are fluid. What's defined as masculine/feminine is constantly changing. As I grow older, I grow tired of the labels and the b.s. crap I have to put up with from those around me. I'm punished in society for not fitting into certain gender roles, but through all this, I am learning more and more to love myself and to own it. A lot of men can be so fake. They put on this macho front and behind closed doors, you'd see another person. All for what? To maintain the power you get from being a man's man? And if you are not a man's man, then you are like a woman, which makes you weak, lesser than and strips you of that power you have. Anyway, don't want to get into the nitty gritty of it. Just thought I'd put my two cents in. An outstanding human being would be one who doesn't let society define them. It would be being their own person, embracing themselves, and evolving as a human being.
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Exactly! That's the kind of person who you can probably have a great conversation with and who isn't so weak emotionally that you constantly have to walk on egg shells and pretend to be weaker than you are so that you don't hurt his self-esteem. That's the way men should be, strong enough emotionally to admit that they have faults! 
