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I agree with the OP as a pretty extreme introvert myself. Not being an extrovert, I can't really discuss the reverse of the question, but I believe it's more difficult for an extrovert to understand an introvert.
When people interact on a daily basis with the world, what people "see" is general extroversion, people out and about interacting with the world. Obviously I don't know how other people are thinking, so in fact I may be seeing another introvert who may be struggling inside, but it's not evident. I find it fairly easy to understand all levels of extroverts. To me, it's just the higher level ones I struggle more with. But when an introvert (me) is sitting in a public place in a corner not interacting with anyone, too many times it is viewed as something is wrong with that person (me). I have been asked so many times "What's the matter", yet I've rarely seen someone acting outgoing (assumed extrovert) asked that question. Sometimes the extreme extroverts are told to sit down and shut up - that's never been a problem with me.
On a side note, I find alcohol to amazingly accentuate introversion or extroversion, at least from my eyes. When I am out drinking (which I rarely do now), was people get more drunk, the extroverts get more annoying, while I the introvert on the other hand retract more into my shell and become extremely quiet and distant.
I can still interact with the world, and many people have no idea I am an introvert who struggle daily with human interaction. I just know that to blend in I need to hide my introversion as well as I can. Some days, I just can't.
Well, there's introversion, and then there is extreme social withdrawal/avoidant personality disorder/hikikomori. It is a mistake to try to normalize the latter.
I am also an introvert. For some reason this seems misunderstood as shy or stuck up or something. It's just that things that extraverts find energizing drain me. Typical social interaction and trivial chitchat are exhausting. I can be happy discussing deep subjects with a small intimate group and come away feeling recharged. But put me with the same number of people in a party where everyone wants to chat about the fake housewives of whichever town or duck people and I want to run screaming from the house.
I have no problem with public speaking, do that often as part of my job. But the day in and day out interaction leaves me exhausted by the end of the week. Friday can't come fast enough.
But you also come across as antisocial, which is completely different from introversion. The "I never want to visit people." bit is a symptom of an antisocial person. It's as if you don't even like people.
I think it's your antisocial tendencies that others take issue with (and understandably so)...much moreso than your introversion.
(BTW, shyness is also different from both things. And there are many loners out there that are not shy or antisocial...they appreciate and enjoy the right kind of company on occasion.)
I also agree with silibran...you do not need to be deeply understood. I'm sure most of us has a friend or colleague that we don't understand all that well, but still respect, like and appreciate them. Deep comprehension isn't a prerequisite for building connections and enjoying & having fun with someone.
But you also come across as antisocial, which is completely different from introversion. The "I never want to visit people." bit is a symptom of an antisocial person. It's as if you don't even like people.
I think it's your antisocial tendencies that others take issue with (and understandably so)...much moreso than your introversion.
(BTW, shyness is also different from both things. And there are many loners out there that are not shy or antisocial...they appreciate and enjoy the right kind of company on occasion.)
I also agree with silibran...you do not need to be deeply understood. I'm sure most of us has a friend or colleague that we don't understand all that well, but still respect, like and appreciate them. Deep comprehension isn't a prerequisite for building connections and enjoying & having fun with someone.
You simply don't know what it's like for being in someone else's home, especially overnight, being an extremely draining and stressful situation. It's not about not liking people.
You are proof of my point that extroverts just can't understand extreme introverts like me.
Lack of understanding is important as you are "taking issue with me" for no good reason because of your lack of understanding me.
Well, there's introversion, and then there is extreme social withdrawal/avoidant personality disorder/hikikomori. It is a mistake to try to normalize the latter.
Why can't you simply tolerate the fact that I exist and I'm never going to think or act the same way that you do?
You don't have to be understood, do you? Just respected.
I don't understand extreme extroverts, but if they are that way, then OK, that's the way they are.
I also don't understand extreme introverts, but if they are that way, then OK, that's the way they are.
But the OP is describing social fear, which I don't think is the same as introversion.
Its better not to define one's entire being with one characteristic. In introvert can still be many other positive things besides being introverted.
I don't think the OP is describing social fear, but social comfort. When I go out to someone's home, I feel uncomfortable. All I want it to go home. When I go shopping with strangers I rather enjoy it since its impersonal. I can enjoy a crowd when its one where everyone is having a good time without being one with it, just sharing the feeling. But visiting someone with a bunch of people you don't know and making conversation with them as strangers but just to you is highly uncomfortable.
When I stayed with inlaws when I took a trip out to the coast, they had wireless. Most of the time I holled up in my room with my laptop and projects brought along to have something to do. Nice people but not my usual sort. I was so very glad to get home I didn't want to even see the neighbors until I'd recharged in my own cave.
I make it my choice to usually spend time with friends on the phone, or my critters or strangers at the store over sitting in the living room of someone else. I don't feel comfortable there.
Because introverts usually keep more to themselves, and extroverts are all over the place. . . naturally it appears there are more extroverts than introverts. And since extroverts are obviously more vocal, they would be the ones to critique how others live their lives.
In the final analysis, it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks about how we choose to live our life as long as we're not hurting others or being destructive.
Have an acquaintance who is an extrovert and is first in line to criticize anyone who doesn't live their life the same as she lives hers. She used to tell me, "You really need to get out more!" When in fact I am completely comfortable with who I am and my lifestyle.
Her needless comment finally got to me and I replied in such a way to let her know that her ongoing criticism of me and my choices were less than respectful, and that in turn, I didn't criticize her choice of constantly being on the go and insisting that she attend a social engagement nearly every evening; or be consumed to the point that she had to have every weekend planned out with social engagement for at least several months in advance. Fortunately she stopped bashing me.
I'm the same way, Davros. While I enjoy seeing my friends and family, I need my down time, in my own space, to recharge.
Whenever I visit family/friends out of state, I always get a hotel room so I can leave when I want to. The thought of being a guest at someones house for days exhausts me. Even when it comes to social plans, I prefer to meet everyone at the bar/restaurant/venue, and not meet up at someones house first, which is always expected for some reason. That just adds another element of socializing that, well, drains me.
Like you said, it's definitely not a stuck up thing or anything like that. Fortunately, people in my life, including my partner who I live with, totally understand me and never get offended.
Yes.
There is NO way I will ever stay in someone else's home. Ever. My husband foisted his family upon me early on in our marriage by forcing us to stay with his parents and his sister on two separate occasions. It did not go well. Not only do I not wish to socialize with people who don't know to talk about anything other than the most mundane of topics, but I need to be in charge of my own domain...free to adjust temperature, lighting, and airflow to my liking.
I don't mind visiting others in their home for short periods....but I don't especially like having visitors into my home because it feels more like an invasion. Only a select few are welcome here.
I find that Extroverts can understand less extreme introverts. They can understand someone needing some alone time.
But they can't understand how someone like me finds social interaction and especially staying at someone's house to be extremely draining. I never want to visit people. Ever. I do on occasion because it's a social requirement of having extended family in my opinion. But I wish I never had to do it. When I visit someone I am constantly worried about making a social mistake. I am also uncomfortable, and more uncomfortable the more crowded the house is. To me a lonely house is a sanctuary. To an extrovert it is a prison. Extroverts and I are like people from a different planet. I don't think many people can understand how my own bed in my lonely apartment is my sanctuary and my source of energy. I love my lonely bed!
True.......
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- that's never been a problem with me.
