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Sadly, I think both of those are very true. Kind of depressing when you're the non-drinker!
I think what upsets people is the refusal to drink any amount at all, it's just kind of unusual and it seems extreme. It's being a tee-totaler. It can make people who drink feel guilty or like you just aren't a "fun" person. You could always make up a harmless white lie like you are watching your weight, or you drank too much last weekend, so that they don't think that there could be something else odd going on (lol).
It's also manners: if someone offers you a drink, just accept what they offer, or ask for the thing that has the least amount of alcohol at all, and then politely sip it once or twice, but otherwise focus on the conversation, and people will feel more at ease and they will probably not even notice if you aren't drinking.... If they do notice, maybe have a reason not to, or find a way to pour out the drink when they aren't looking (lol). It seems extreme, but sometimes if you want to get along with people you have to go along with what everyone in the group is doing, and if they are ALL drinking, they might look at you oddly.
I'm a 28 year old non-drinker and I get flack for not drinking all the time. When I tell people I don't drink they usually politely inquire about alcoholism. When I tell them that I'm not an alcoholic and that I simply choose not to drink any more they seem dumbfounded. When they find out I smoke marijuana they're downright flabbergasted, as if one must include the other. And the peer pressure doesn't lessen. After my girlfriend has a few drinks in her she adamantly insists that I drink with her. A lot of my friends are comedians and they drink like fish but I never pressure anyone to drink less. Why can't non-drinkers be given the same courtesy?
I think what upsets people is the refusal to drink any amount at all, it's just kind of unusual and it seems extreme. It's being a tee-totaler. It can make people who drink feel guilty or like you just aren't a "fun" person. You could always make up a harmless white lie like you are watching your weight, or you drank too much last weekend, so that they don't think that there could be something else odd going on (lol).
It's also manners: if someone offers you a drink, just accept what they offer, or ask for the thing that has the least amount of alcohol at all, and then politely sip it once or twice, but otherwise focus on the conversation, and people will feel more at ease and they will probably not even notice if you aren't drinking.... If they do notice, maybe have a reason not to, or find a way to pour out the drink when they aren't looking (lol). It seems extreme, but sometimes if you want to get along with people you have to go along with what everyone in the group is doing, and if they are ALL drinking, they might look at you oddly.
I think it's rude to expect me to intake something that repulses me.
I refuse to be a ditto head under any circumstance. I am out of there with a group of people who I consider immature if they expect that out of me.
I could care less what everyone else is doing. I have a mind of my own and will use it. In a case like that it would be time for me to leave. I don't want to associate with people like that.
I think what upsets people is the refusal to drink any amount at all, it's just kind of unusual and it seems extreme. It's being a tee-totaler. It can make people who drink feel guilty or like you just aren't a "fun" person. You could always make up a harmless white lie like you are watching your weight, or you drank too much last weekend, so that they don't think that there could be something else odd going on (lol).
It's also manners: if someone offers you a drink, just accept what they offer, or ask for the thing that has the least amount of alcohol at all, and then politely sip it once or twice, but otherwise focus on the conversation, and people will feel more at ease and they will probably not even notice if you aren't drinking.... If they do notice, maybe have a reason not to, or find a way to pour out the drink when they aren't looking (lol). It seems extreme, but sometimes if you want to get along with people you have to go along with what everyone in the group is doing, and if they are ALL drinking, they might look at you oddly.
Alcohol is a drug. If I offered you a bump of cocaine would you be rude for refusing it?
I don't drink so why should I be expected to compromise myself and the choices I've made because you're insecure? I have to pretend to be intoxicated just to be in the same room as you?
I'm always polite when refusing a drink. if someone is vegetarian, is it rude for them to politely decline a burger? Assuming they don't forgrt to mention the fact before attending a dinner party and have the host prepare an elaborate meal for them. I'm not talking about being invited for drinks and agreeing to go up until we're at the venue and I'm dropping the bombshell. I mean more in a situation where it just comes up - like put at a meal, and I'd order a soft drink instead of a cocktail. Just like a vegetarian choosing a meatless option when going out to eat. It's not like they're not eating anything - why is their choice considered rude?
Alcohol is a drug. If I offered you a bump of cocaine would you be rude for refusing it?
I don't drink so why should I be expected to compromise myself and the choices I've made because you're insecure? I have to pretend to be intoxicated just to be in the same room as you?
come on now, we know the differences between the two. caffeine is a mind altering substance, so theoretically, you could also technically say it is a drug. salt raises blood pressure. everything you eat and drink affects you. sugar gives you a sugar rush, etc. so let's not go overboard with comparisons here.
I am giving examples of what you can do to get along with people if you want to have more friends, and be invited to more parties. Making a big deal about drinking, or refusing to hold an alcoholic beverage in your hand, is going to cause you to be left out of a lot of social events. Like it or not, alcohol is a huge part of average American social life.
Just saying from personal experience, I am not someone who enjoys drinking either, but I don't enjoy creating awkward social situations if I am at someone's house or party and they are politely offering me a drink. I can just take it and hold it in my hand end of story life goes on
come on now, we know the differences between the two. caffeine is a mind altering substance, so theoretically, you could also technically say it is a drug. salt raises blood pressure. everything you eat and drink affects you. sugar gives you a sugar rush, etc. so let's not go overboard with comparisons here.
I am giving examples of what you can do to get along with people if you want to have more friends, and be invited to more parties. Making a big deal about drinking, or refusing to hold an alcoholic beverage in your hand, is going to cause you to be left out of a lot of social events. Like it or not, alcohol is a huge part of average American social life.
Just saying from personal experience, I am not someone who enjoys drinking either, but I don't enjoy creating awkward social situations if I am at someone's house or party and they are politely offering me a drink. I can just take it and hold it in my hand end of story life goes on
Why is the onus on the people who don't partake? Not drinking is the neutral activity. Similar pressure isn't lobbied against non-smokers by pot heads. Why is it accepted behavior for drinkers? Must we coddle drinkers to protect their feelings?
Now you're the one being silly, equating sugar highs with drunkenness.
Btw I could care less about being invited to parties. What parties, lol - I'm in my thirties and I gave four kids, I only go to birthday parties at this point. these issues do come up sporadically though here and there. I'm not dying to make new friends - and if I was, I would go for people I have things in common with, not people who need me to pretend to nurse a drink. I was just saying it sucks that when it comes up in conversation for the first time, some people make such a weird thing out of it and assume you're strange or an alcoholic.
Or "Oh come on! Don't you want to have a good time?"
My line, which I've never had to use, but I have it ready, is, "I don't need to use alcohol in order to enjoy the company of my own friends/relatives/work colleges/fill-in-the-blank".
Why is the onus on the people who don't partake? Not drinking is the neutral activity. Similar pressure isn't lobbied against non-smokers by pot heads. Why is it accepted behavior for drinkers? Must we coddle drinkers to protect their feelings?
did anyone suggest you coddle them? if you are trying to be their friends, you probably should consider their feelings. my advice was aimed at people who are trying to fit in with a crowd that clearly enjoys drinking. I don't think you are going to convince many people to stop doing something like that.
I beg to differ about pot-heads and peer pressure, having experienced it from them myself. Go try to attempt to make friends with them if you hate weed and see how that goes over.
if you truly hate drinking that much, join AA or some religious group, or just keep looking for friends who don't like to drink.
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if someone is vegetarian, is it rude for them to politely decline a burger? Assuming they don't forgrt to mention the fact before attending a dinner party and have the host prepare an elaborate meal for them. I'm not talking about being invited for drinks and agreeing to go up until we're at the venue and I'm dropping the bombshell. I mean more in a situation where it just comes up - like put at a meal, and I'd order a soft drink instead of a cocktail. Just like a vegetarian choosing a meatless option when going out to eat. It's not like they're not eating anything - why is their choice considered rude?
these issues do come up sporadically though here and there. I'm not dying to make new friends - and if I was, I would go for people I have things in common with, not people who need me to pretend to nurse a drink. I was just saying it sucks that when it comes up in conversation for the first time, some people make such a weird thing out of it and assume you're strange or an alcoholic.
