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When I post on here saying I have trouble making friends it sounds like people don't get it. I understand everyone has trouble making friends, everyone feels nervous and anxious about themselves. I can make acquaintances, I can make small talk, and I don't even consider myself that shy. The problem is even when I do make friends, the friendship dies or they just lose interest in me. People like me but they don't want to keep me around. They forget about me like they don't need me. That's probably true. You see, I have been a loner pretty much my entire life. The only reason I had friends in elementary and middle school was because I followed people around until they let me in. In middle school it annoyed a lot of people. Or I would ask people if I could hang out with them. Most people don't initiate wanting to hang out with me or follow me. When I got tired of following people and being so pathetic, I just became a full blown loner. I would have single friends here and there and would only hang out with them one on one, but I've never been a group person. I did hang out with groups for a bit in high school, but I was the kind of person who always jumped around, never really committing to a group. But it's been so long since I've been in a group that this seems to be an epidemic. I'm tired of being a loner and forgotten all the time. It's like if you're not part of a group then you could practically die alone and people wouldn't notice.
I find it very hard to fit in with any groups. I freeze up in group situations. I'm more of an individual person. But it's terribly lonely. Do most loners just fake this so they don't have to deal with the pain of loneliness? I find it extremely hard to fake. And I know some people are going to say don't be something you're not. But being something that I am is making me extremely unhappy.
You see, even when you're friends with someone they will always want to belong to a group. If there is someone with me talking to me already, someone else will always want to join in the conversation. But nobody is willing to start one if I'm by myself. Even when there are people who are just as lonely as me and want to change that, they refuse to hang out with me because I'm not part of a group. It's like they're afraid of being with just me.
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