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Sometimes one person doesn't love as deeply as another person. And you can usually trace the reason to lack of emotional trust. If a person doesn't trust someone completely, there will be a wall in their connection, there will be lack of feelings. It may not be very obvious and it may happen on a subconscious level. But usually people hurt each other emotionally when they don't mean to. And sometimes they hurt each other when one of them is unaware on a conscious level and the other is suppressing it and so is only half aware of it.
And so they don't know about all these wounds that exist. But they do. And the body/mind system acts to protect the inner person so it will respond by building walls and blocking the connections. And so the result is - someone doesn't feel a deep emotional connection to that other person. Thus, in a sense, they are both guilty when this happens. One is guilty for hurting the other. The other is guilty for not being able to handle the pain and for shutting down. And in another sense, it's no one's fault because most are not even aware of doing whatever they are doing.
It's just sad that the world blames these people for having a cold heart when in fact these people have a "cold heart" only because the world caused them pain. (Of course their inability to handle pain contributed to that.)
Maybe some people don't love you, or me, as deeply as we love them because they simply don't love us that much.
It's never even. Partners may trade places, but usually one is a tad more loving or in love with the other than vice versa at any given point in a relationship. That's my experience, at least.
That has been my experience, too. And it's caused me much grief. I'm definitely dealing with it in my marriage of over 17 years. My husband is still deeply in love with me...and I love him in a comfortable "well, there isn't anyone I'd prefer" sort of a way. But mostly my strong sense of obligation has kept me around and faithful to him. I often think that once my duty to raise our sons is out of the way, I might leave. The thing is...I am not miserable with him. I just often feel sad that I can't love him as he loves me.
And sure, parts of that are because he has hurt me or forced me to adapt to things about him. Some of it too is that I was a young person who married an older guy who had a lot of damage, and a lot of baggage, and was/is not very responsible. He didn't change, but I had to grow up quick. And under the mountain of adult responsibilities I had to take complete charge of, his emotional grievances came to be very petty to me. It seems like I don't have time for self pity (for anything) but he acts like it is his right, and I should care. I find it frustrating.
But because I've been on either end of it, chasing someone who wasn't very invested in me, when I was much younger... I often think that if I ever DO leave, I will just be alone. I think that as long as I have friends around, I would be OK without a romantic partner.
Trust is just one component in a relationship. Sure, a relationship can't exist without it, but what makes or breaks a relationship isn't necessarily based on trust.
Different values and beliefs, significantly different tastes, lack of attraction etc. can all play a part in a lack of feelings.
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