Is pretending everything is okay, ok? (parent, issues, relationship, feelings)

[PrimGrene]

Is is okay to pretend nothing is wrong?
Example arguing and then after 30 minutes talking as if nothing happened?

[ocnjgirl]

Originally Posted by PrimGrene

Is is okay to pretend nothing is wrong?
Example arguing and then after 30 minutes talking as if nothing happened?

Not if they actually "pretending". I though can have a heated argument with someone and truly be okay 30 minutes later. I have a storm type style, anger is gone as fast as it came. My ex though would say "everything is fine" but he was lying I could see he was angry....only to have it all explode later. That's a deal breaker now for me!

[HappyFarm34]

from personal experience, no. Bottling up feelings isn't a smart thing to do and only leads to more issues down the road

[ellie]

I think it's a good idea to cool down and normalize as quickly as possible.

There's a fair amount of research that says stoicism, or keeping your cool, is actually healthier than blowing up.

So yeah, fake it till you make it.

[USAGeorge]

What's the alternative? Argue till your both in the grave???????

[Rubi3]

My parents were married 73 years. She still referred to something my dad did 60 years before, although they weren't arguing... lol he never responded.

[silibran]

Sometimes in long term relationships, things flare up and then die down. For some of us, anger is quick and then over. For others anger leads to pouting, retaliation and saying things that can't be taken back. So, it just depends.

[Billy_J]

Best to come to some sort of compromise / agreement to disagree / final resolution.

Also ok to go for a walk and think about things - take a break for the "discussion".

Maybe take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. List good points on the left, list bad points on the right. See which list is longer.

Or maybe go to counseling if important and need a bit of help resolving an issue. Or discuss with 5 different friends and get their opinion on the situation.

Lots of ways to resolve an issue!

[swanstone1]

Originally Posted by PrimGrene

Is is okay to pretend nothing is wrong?
Example arguing and then after 30 minutes talking as if nothing happened?

Some people are better about sorting out what "really is important". Not to dismiss, but to realize how some things really don't matter in the big picture. Others want to harp on every perceived misgiving and basically "diagram" every sentence. Dismissal is an excellent trait in my opinion.

[Calvert Hall '62]

My wife and her older sis did this all the time. 30 minutes later they're chattering away with each other, laughin' 'n' scratchin' as an old disc jockey used to say. :-). They're best friends and always will be.