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When I was a child, children were generally taught to respect your elders, get along with others, learn to play as a team, share what you have with others. All this has a philosophy that in general says, you are no better than others and that you should respect those in higher authority than you.
Today it is changed. Women are raised as princesses. People are taught you are special, and parents cater to their kids, give them everything, don't make them work, and spoil them. IN general, it leads to a person thinking they are special, better than everyone else and so the natural tendency of people to be self centered is reinforced and its very easy to see how people could be narcissists.
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A thouand reps should be awarded for this post!!
So very true. Princes and Princesses.
Every time I see some kid-whipped parent try and bargain with little Heather when she screams bloody murder at 120 decibels in the supermarket cuz she can't have the Dove Ice Cream bars...well, I want to pretty much slap them silly. These parents are by far and away more responsible for their little darlings growing-up to be narcissists than is the alleged imbalance of neurotransmitters that usually do cause legitimate mental disorders.
Narcissists, in my opinion, are dangerous. They only care about themselves and dance between being psycho/sociopaths and chronic liars. I've never seen a good narcissist and they will bring you down, sometimes without you even knowing why things are turning out the way they do. It's all about preserving themselves (their image, their word, their ego) at the end of the day and they'll do WHATEVER it takes to achieve this.
Narcissism (the clinical kind) gets a lot of press these days, and it's quickly becoming one of those psycho-babble buzzwords, like 'paranoid', 'schizo', 'psycho', etc. that gets casually thrown around in everyday conversation. But what's it ...
OP,
It's hard to take anything that you say seriously when you talk of "schizo" and "paranoid" as being "psycho - babble buzzwords." It's 2015 not 1985. Just like we are no longer using "gay" as an insult nowadays because we've evolved as a society, nor are we using "schizo." (Although, personally, this is still some of my family members' favorite insult to people. They use it to describe people they think are weird, too intense, and/or just don't agree with them.)
Paranoia is a symptom of many serious conditions and "schizo" is the prefix of schizophrenia which is the one of the most disabling diseases you can have. And i don't mean out of "psycho babble" diseases, i mean ALL diseases. Count your blessings that you don't know anyone with it.
Narcissism is a big deal. And even bigger deal is Borderline Personality disorder which too few people are educated about even though it can be fatal and destroys lives. Almost all people with this disorder have some degree of narcissism.
PS- there is also no such thing as a "nervous breakdown" either although that's another popular 1980s concept and a real bugger of mine to hear people bandy about. (Shame on Oprah for using that term a few years back!)
It's not a genetic disorder. Personality disorders are learned.
This is extremely misleading. Yes, much of it is maladaptive coping but what makes these disorders surface in the first place is genetics. The "diathesis-stress" model.
If you are really looking, just go to pub med and search genetic predisposition borderline personality. Many have first degree relatives of addicts and those with mood disorders.
This is extremely misleading. Yes, much of it is maladaptive coping but what makes these disorders surface in the first place is genetics. The "diathesis-stress" model.
If you are really looking, just go to pub med and search genetic predisposition borderline personality. Many have first degree relatives of addicts and those with mood disorders...
...and for the offspring of those who may eventually develop NPD, that's how they LEARNED to cope with their environment. So far, the only scientific studies done on genetic predisposition to a personality disorder have been with Antisocial PD.
From what I've read, the diathesis stress model definitely applies to many mental disorders such as schizophrenia.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Utopian Slums
OP,
It's hard to take anything that you say seriously when you talk of "schizo" and "paranoid" as being "psycho - babble buzzwords." It's 2015 not 1985. Just like we are no longer using "gay" as an insult nowadays because we've evolved as a society, nor are we using "schizo." (Although, personally, this is still some of my family members' favorite insult to people. They use it to describe people they think are weird, too intense, and/or just don't agree with them.)
Paranoia is a symptom of many serious conditions and "schizo" is the prefix of schizophrenia which is the one of the most disabling diseases you can have. And i don't mean out of "psycho babble" diseases, i mean ALL diseases. Count your blessings that you don't know anyone with it.
Narcissism is a big deal. And even bigger deal is Borderline Personality disorder which too few people are educated about even though it can be fatal and destroys lives. Almost all people with this disorder have some degree of narcissism.
PS- there is also no such thing as a "nervous breakdown" either although that's another popular 1980s concept and a real bugger of mine to hear people bandy about. (Shame on Oprah for using that term a few years back!)
Is english your second language, or are you really unaware what the term psycho-babble means in the first place? BTW, you're late… all the other N's (along with their petulant grandiosity) already showed up a long time ago. Which usually seems to happen whenever they hear their name mentioned (lol!). Sorry if we only have a few scraps of attention left to offer!
Folks…. no doubt we've all had some experience coping with Narcissism. But if you've read the OP, it's not about 'venting' and sharing 'horror stories'. It's about understanding what makes 'em tick, and more importantly using that understanding to learn how to deal with 'em better. Anything less, and we're basically just being narcissistic ourselves (aka, "it's all about ME"). Thanx!
I'm not sure there is any identifiable thing that makes them tick. But the best way to deal with them can be summed up in JADE - never Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain when they are pulling you into their web. You cannot reason with them, you cannot win an argument or get them to understand your POV. This can be really difficult to do, because they try very hard to enmesh you. Make your point once and that's all. Never get emotional around them, don't fight or bicker or cry or send e-mails to try to make them "get it" or try to counsel them. It's a losing battle. Just be firm and strong, like with a young child who isn't yet capable of understanding rules. That seems to be the best strategy according to many people who are forced to deal with narcs. It makes sense, but it is hard since they are so good at manipulation and pushing emotional buttons.
Funny how narcissism is on the rise and it directly coincides with this nasty form of parenting, indulging and over praising kids.
That's the thing I was talking about yesterday elsewhere. It's more about narcissism in the "self-absorbed spoiled brat" sense and not Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
NPD doesn't come from overvaluing. It comes from devaluing what the child is naturally inclined to be as the parent tries to make the kid into what the parent likes to see the parent as. The kid is an extension of the identity the parent wants for him- or herself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AK-Cathy
From the actual NPDs I've studied and seen, most suffered from emotional neglect as small children. They're usually not consciously aware of this, though, since the trauma of what they suffered is too painful for most to recall....that's why they develop the personality disorder to begin with. It's their attempt to adapt.
There is some accounting. If you read up on NPD, these people choose "golden children" -- the kids who can do "no wrong." Then they choose the "scapegoated children" -- the ones who can do no right. Even though it looks much safer to be a golden child. . . long term it's for the worse because the golden children are enveloped in the cocoon of NPD-crazy and then become NPD themselves. Whereas the scapegoated kids are left "out in the cold" to fend for themselves, but consequently escape the lure of crazy-ville. So, while they grow up lonely and afraid, they still tend to develop solid personalities that are able to empathize and be good parents themselves.
My ex-SO's kid brother would make cracks about feeling like chopped liver in the family. I want to tell him to be thankful he was not the focus of his father's attention and mother's compensation.
My ex-SO's kid brother would make cracks about feeling like chopped liver in the family. I want to tell him to be thankful he was not the focus of his father's attention and mother's compensation.
I don't think the narcissist really suffers though, as long as it keeps getting supply and a good narc never runs out, or does just temporarily until quick replacements are brought in. They usually have stand-bys anyway, rescuers and a ragtag group of damaged people who will always be there to do the narc's bidding.
My grandma never ran out, she was AWFUL, but charming and there was always someone to prop her up and she died thinking she was the cat's meow and everyone else was beneath her.
The family scapegoats know what is happening, there's nothing they can do and they do suffer being relegated to chopped liver.
I don't think the narcissist really suffers though, as long as it keeps getting supply and a good narc never runs out, or does just temporarily until quick replacements are brought in. They usually have stand-bys anyway, rescuers and a ragtag group of damaged people who will always be there to do the narc's bidding.
My grandma never ran out, she was AWFUL, but charming and there was always someone to prop her up and she died thinking she was the cat's meow and everyone else was beneath her.
The family scapegoats know what is happening, there's nothing they can do and they do suffer being relegated to chopped liver.
What you say about replacements is true. In fact, I like your use of the term "prop," because that is exactly the term I used when I told my ex what I really think of him. I said he was weak, can't be alone for any length of time, and needs someone to prop him up. I also said that his punishment is that no matter what woman he is with, he will always have to deal with the garbage swirling around in his own head.
And it's true. Like many narcs, he has co-existing psychiatric issues, his being phobias and anxiety. My ex suffers very much with his fear of heights, his anxiety over being away from his house controls his life, and he had spiraled down into hoarding in the last few years of our relationship. If he wasn't such an ahole, I'd feel bad for him.
Other narcs are prone to depression and substance abuse, and narcs often do things that end up harming their own health.
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Just like we are no longer using "gay" as an insult nowadays because we've evolved as a society, nor are we using "schizo." (Although, personally, this is still some of my family members' favorite insult to people. They use it to describe people they think are weird, too intense, and/or just don't agree with them.)
