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Try to find other victims before you let the cat out of the bag. Once the perp becomes aware that you're going after him, it's too late to take him by surprise. The more victims you find, the bigger a case can be built against him before he becomes aware that anyone is even investigating him. Ideally the cops would raid his house, take him by surprise, and arrest him, before he has a chance to react. That way they have the best odds of finding unexpected additional evidence against him, in his house, before he gets a chance to destroy that evidence. Such as photos on his computer, etc. And keep in mind that the more recent the other victims, the stronger the case. So find out about any children he spends time with, and ask their parents if they have any suspicions. But you need some way to convince them to keep quiet until he gets arrested.
This happened to me as well. A babysitter and his wife ran an porno ring out of their home...where my parents dropped my brother and I off for 9 hours a day. I am 43 years old and until the last seven years (when my son was born) my life was a catastrophe between anorexia to sexual addiction to sexual anorexia to substance abuse and anything in between. When I was 32 I dated a porno producer (not knowing it but it shows you the crowd I ran with). At any rate, I ended up in a place called The Meadows where I saw a counselor (she is in private practice now and throughout the world since she is so good) and although it took several more years to get on the straight and narrow with intense therapy...I am now okay. I have a Master's degree in addiction counseling too! I never went back or revenge...neither did my brother. The damage was done and I just couldn't face it. Smells, colors people who looked like them could change my mood in an instant. I just remember being alone in a room with lights shining all over me and blue shag carpet and men coming and doing things with me-ugh! I disassociated it for years otherwise my parents would have killed them...the even told a secret service/navy seal about it and were asked if I wanted him to "take care of it" for me.
Just get therapy...maybe insurance will pa for some haling. The Meadows has a program called survivors week that deals with this. I would go in for a 35 day period to roll through emotions---assuming you can afford it. Even so it still doesn't "cure" you. I've been in many, many places and dropped like $300k to get fixed and at the end of the day...it was my giving my hurt up to God and pleading he get rid of the pain and he did. I spent many years cursing the Lord and renouncing him but He remained next to me and I made it out fine. I've never disclosed this on CD but wanted to share with you that you are not alone and revenge often backfires. You have a weak case bu a good therapist can help! Take care my dear! Keep us posted!
I agree with the therapy as a first matter. If, through therapy, you discover that going public with your allegations (like it or not, your claims will be seen as allegations in the eyes of the law and by some of your family) will help bring you closure, then I say go for it. If, however, going public will be a net negative experience for you, then you may not want to go that route.
As for legal action, I'm afraid the statute of limitations have run (I don't know of any state that has a statute of limitations period that would not have expired yet). Still, speak with an attorney where you're located to make sure that all legal options are closed to you.
Men like this have many victims. You may be stopping a personal hell for another child...in fact, odds are, you WILL be stopping his victimizing someone else.
Make sure you go to a Police Department that is sympathetic to victims however. The last thing you need is to find an unsupportive jerk behind the badge.
Agreed. Word is baby rapers DON'T usually stop with 1 kid, they try to get others.
Therapy is not going to reverse things and is unlikely to do anything other than pad some clinic's bank account. Since it was 25 years ago, legal remedies are out. There are only two choice here: revenge, or forget and move on.
You don't know that. Therapy is worth a try and may do a lot of good. To forget and move on...seriously? Don't you think that if it were so simple, the OP would've done that already? The human mind will always return to such a traumatic event...it won't just go away entirely if a person does nothing to deal with it. Back when I was young, people were always into denial. Society pretty much never dealt with those perverts or their young innocent victims, but that's not the answer. It only gets worse if nobody wants to face what is going on.
Let's look at what can happen if you do bring this out into the open....
From now on, you will be known as the one that created the problem. You will have revenge, but what about your own reputation...? For every after, you will be the one that was abused. As of now, you are just another member of the family.
Do you really want everyone to know that you were abused? You may think it will ease your mind, but bringing it out for everyone to know is going to change your relationship with all of your family and their friends,
Think about it. Is that what you really want?
However, it's your decision. Just remember that you may not like the aftermath.
so sorry you had to go through that. i read a great article recently about a woman and her cousin who had been sexually abused by their grandfather for years as children. decades later as adults, they decided to go to the police station one day back in his hometown and tell what had happened to them to the police. the grandfather was dead at that point but it was about the importance of validation, being heard, being believed, and the policeman WRITING down their story that helped heal their hearts even a tiny bit. i hope you also find healing from the past OP through whatever path you can.
I'm so very sorry for what you're going through. There are a lot of good suggestions here, but in the end it's up to you to do what's best for you. The sooner the better.
I was also molested by a family member and kept it hid in the back of my mind until 2 months ago and I'm 57. I had an uncle that was a perv and my mother warned us to stay away from him. He molested my cousin (his step-daughter) when she was a child and my aunt actually caught him and stayed with the basta*d. My aunt disowned her own daughter (the victim) over this. He was not my molester because my Dad would have also killed him like yours would have.
He molested one of his grandchildren and his DIL had him arrested and I'm not sure if he did time or not. He's dead now and after his death, my brother came out to my sister that my Uncle had molested him.
One of my BIL's BIL just went to jail for molesting his niece over 25 years ago. Because of her coming out with it, his own daughter came out that he had molested her also.
These PIGS don't stop, they just find somebody else.
I can only pray that the "haters" stay the hel* off of this board, it makes me wonder if they themselves are one.
I'm an advocate for counseling and as I sent you in a PM, I think if you contact your local "rape hotline" that they'll be able to give you the names of good counselors who deal with survivors of childhool sexual abuse. I'm a woman and I just feel more comfortable with women counselors.
My heart goes out to you and I pray that you find the means to deal with what that basta*d did to you.
Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 03-16-2015 at 08:54 AM..
Reason: Reply to comment which has since been deleted.
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