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Old 04-22-2015, 12:41 PM
 
Location: Griffin, Georgia
747 posts, read 1,910,713 times
Reputation: 708

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I will always remember being told I am "nobody's fool"..That has stuck with me for quite some time now
As time goes by I find myself getting more and more distrustful of other peoples' motives. Hard to believe that once I was ever accused of being "naïve" and "gullible" once...I think I just wanted to assume there was some good in everybody...don't know if it made me trusting or just optimistic, or a willingness to give others the benefit of the doubt. But it is amazing how a few failed friendships, or friendships that have drifted away to the point of no return, among other things, can really sour you, at some point. If you have ever heard the term "fair weather friends"-people that are only there for you when the times are good but if you were to hit rock bottom they are nowhere to be found-you know very well. There should not be this ongoing issue in our country of never feeling fully accepted, or liked for them, and not because of what they have-but apparently it is prevalent, whether we realize it or not. Also, it can really injure your pride to get taken advantage of by others...and not see it coming. The saying "fool me once..." and "once bitten, twice shy"

A good case in point ...My brother-in-law's girlfriend (a very nice older lady) once mistook my early-on taciturn behavior at the time as coldness...I had to let her know later on it was not personal. I have developed trust issues over the years...it has caused me to subconsciously keep new people at an arm's length for awhile. She understood I think I have warmed up to her much more since then

I wonder if trust issues have anything to do with one's environment...In America, there is this "unspoken rule" that you aren't supposed to talk to strangers unless it is business-related or you are encountering a situation of duress (like needing to warn someone that their life is in danger if they don't such-and-such.) Anything other than that feels almost like a social transgression of sorts...In today's America, you are supposed to mind your business at all times, and not overstep certain "boundaries"....I now realize people were right on the money when they said that it is VERY hard to make new friends once you are out of high school or college....after the graduation rite of passage, the "collective tribe" pretty much splits up, and you are left feeling adrift. My parents still keep in touch with their old college roommate friends, who seem to be very loyal, staunch, good people with old-fashioned values who understood about how friendships should live long and prosper. Unfortunately, my generation is nothing like that. I never saw a culture or peer group demographic like mine and the Millennials who view friendship as something expendable, or what you can gain or get out of someone else, or at the very least, this attitude of transiency that nothing is permanent so why bother? Sad...I have several cousins about my age who seem to be raised with good values (better than some of my peer group, I'll admit) but they rarely keep in touch, and always seem too busy for anything other than an occasional phone call. (It's possible that Skype was invented for this corundrum, but I digress a little.)

I rarely ever look at the news anymore....but somehow all the horrific things going on in the world have a way of reaching our eyes or ears through internet sources....I certainly hope I am not alone in feeling this way! I just wish there was a way of keeping my fears and mistrusts of others in perspective.
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Old 04-23-2015, 02:38 PM
 
Location: Northern Wisconsin
10,193 posts, read 9,005,992 times
Reputation: 18161
I don't thing there's really anything wrong with you. YOu can take the distrust too far, and end up crazy. But yes, you should be careful with people, because their motivations for what they say and do are usually selfish. As long as you understand that, you should be OK. That's better than going through life trusting everyone and getting used and abused.
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Old 04-23-2015, 03:55 PM
 
48,508 posts, read 88,655,852 times
Reputation: 18188
Caution is one thing but fear and distrust of a unknown is another.Perhaps from your life events and choice in friends have played a part.
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Old 04-23-2015, 11:50 PM
 
Location: Griffin, Georgia
747 posts, read 1,910,713 times
Reputation: 708
Also, I get the impression in America today we are sort of EXPECTED to suspect others of ulterior motives...until proven otherwise...:P
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Old 04-24-2015, 03:02 AM
 
4,081 posts, read 4,633,654 times
Reputation: 4917
Quote:
Originally Posted by smoky_topaz View Post
I will always remember being told I am "nobody's fool"..That has stuck with me for quite some time now
As time goes by I find myself getting more and more distrustful of other peoples' motives. Hard to believe that once I was ever accused of being "naïve" and "gullible" once...I think I just wanted to assume there was some good in everybody...don't know if it made me trusting or just optimistic, or a willingness to give others the benefit of the doubt. But it is amazing how a few failed friendships, or friendships that have drifted away to the point of no return, among other things, can really sour you, at some point. If you have ever heard the term "fair weather friends"-people that are only there for you when the times are good but if you were to hit rock bottom they are nowhere to be found-you know very well. There should not be this ongoing issue in our country of never feeling fully accepted, or liked for them, and not because of what they have-but apparently it is prevalent, whether we realize it or not. Also, it can really injure your pride to get taken advantage of by others...and not see it coming. The saying "fool me once..." and "once bitten, twice shy"

A good case in point ...My brother-in-law's girlfriend (a very nice older lady) once mistook my early-on taciturn behavior at the time as coldness...I had to let her know later on it was not personal. I have developed trust issues over the years...it has caused me to subconsciously keep new people at an arm's length for awhile. She understood I think I have warmed up to her much more since then

I wonder if trust issues have anything to do with one's environment...In America, there is this "unspoken rule" that you aren't supposed to talk to strangers unless it is business-related or you are encountering a situation of duress (like needing to warn someone that their life is in danger if they don't such-and-such.) Anything other than that feels almost like a social transgression of sorts...In today's America, you are supposed to mind your business at all times, and not overstep certain "boundaries"....I now realize people were right on the money when they said that it is VERY hard to make new friends once you are out of high school or college....after the graduation rite of passage, the "collective tribe" pretty much splits up, and you are left feeling adrift. My parents still keep in touch with their old college roommate friends, who seem to be very loyal, staunch, good people with old-fashioned values who understood about how friendships should live long and prosper. Unfortunately, my generation is nothing like that. I never saw a culture or peer group demographic like mine and the Millennials who view friendship as something expendable, or what you can gain or get out of someone else, or at the very least, this attitude of transiency that nothing is permanent so why bother? Sad...I have several cousins about my age who seem to be raised with good values (better than some of my peer group, I'll admit) but they rarely keep in touch, and always seem too busy for anything other than an occasional phone call. (It's possible that Skype was invented for this corundrum, but I digress a little.)

I rarely ever look at the news anymore....but somehow all the horrific things going on in the world have a way of reaching our eyes or ears through internet sources....I certainly hope I am not alone in feeling this way! I just wish there was a way of keeping my fears and mistrusts of others in perspective.
Sure does, in environments of extreme competition, cunning, cut-throat values, yes.
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Old 04-24-2015, 11:55 AM
 
4,761 posts, read 12,387,700 times
Reputation: 7905
Go hang out at a senior center with the honest older people.

Or hang out with Mormons who are said to be honest (I don't know about the young Mormons these days?)

Also people who volunteer for organizations are good people. Volunteer for something. Here are some ideas for that...
https://www.volunteermatch.org/
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Old 04-25-2015, 03:09 PM
 
Location: Griffin, Georgia
747 posts, read 1,910,713 times
Reputation: 708
Rep for you, Billy J

I think highly of volunteers...Now I have gotten rather jaded toward charity organizations...but a lot of that is because I feel I cannot vouch for "al the supposed good they do" I intently dislike the money-hungry; and I sometimes find myself thinking; "If these groups were doing so well, why does (fill in the blank with supposed issue, like hunger, poverty, animal abuse) still exist in such great multitudes??" Whenever I am in the kitchen and I pick up a box of a food product, I chafe with disgust whenever I see some ad on the back that reads "Feeding America __This year 6 million people in America are going hungry...every pantry you donate helps...give today!" Hello!! There is FAR WORSE poverty to be found in other countries than ours....I'm sorry, I mean NO disrespect whatsoever and I am not trying to sound like a callous hard-*ss and all that...but I am ONLY for helping out the genuinely misfortunate and downtrodden...If some dumb bimbo of an unwed teenage mother makes foolish life choices and acts irresponsibly (case in point) it is not OUR job to get them off the hook and "look after" them....Sorry if that's harsh, just my two cents on the matter. There is a BIG difference in people that genuinely need help due to unlucky circumstances and people that act irresponsible and somehow not just hope, but EXPECT others to feel sorry for them

One charity that I wholeheartedly DO endorse is St. Jude's ...I know firsthand that they really do walk their talk about what they do for their young patients...But the rest? Sorry, we want to see where our donations are REALLY going to....(and if it's NOT actually going to terminally ill children or animals...then, NO DEAL!) however, from time to time I DO end up donating old household goods and stuff..clothing, shoes, etc...My feeling is, why throw it away when someone can use it You can see I'm mostly ranting about the $$$ part here
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Old 04-26-2015, 12:10 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,081 posts, read 25,592,485 times
Reputation: 18077
Quote:
Originally Posted by smoky_topaz View Post

I think highly of volunteers...Now I have gotten rather jaded toward charity organizations...but a lot of that is because I feel I cannot vouch for "al the supposed good they do" I intently dislike the money-hungry; and I sometimes find myself thinking; "If these groups were doing so well, why does (fill in the blank with supposed issue, like hunger, poverty, animal abuse)

bimbo of an unwed teenage mother makes foolish life choices and acts irresponsibly (case in point) it is not OUR job to get them off the hook and "look after" them....Sorry if that's harsh, just my two cents on the matter. There is a BIG difference in people that genuinely need help due to unlucky circumstances and people that act irresponsible and somehow not just hope, but EXPECT others to feel sorry for them
Indeed, theres skepticism donating to some charitable organizations. Fortunately, charitable organizations helping to feed the hungry don't differentiate; holding children responsible for their parents poor choices.

Getting back to the original post...
Unless you've had really bad experiences of betrayal in family dynamic, an ex or friend; Trust issue seems excessive.
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Old 04-26-2015, 09:48 AM
 
Location: Central NY
5,608 posts, read 4,031,134 times
Reputation: 15382
I can only speak for myself here.

I used to believe everything I heard, read, etc. It took me a while to "catch on" to what everybody else knew..... some things are just not true.

To me, the most important thing is.... do NOT take it personally if you "fall for something." It is just another one of life lessons we all learn at some point. It's a learning curve. If it is something benign, learn to laugh at yourself. Be kind to yourself, no matter what. We are human beings, after all. Soon enough you will learn what to trust and what not to trust. Actions usually speak volumes.

No need to look at everyone as a possible "enemy."

I went through many years of not trusting, being miserable, etc. But living like that held no joy.

I have made a decision in my life that I want to be positive, enjoy life. I can't do that if I keep that ever watchful, ever suspicious eye.

Some people will lie to you, that is a given; it's up to you how you take it and what you do about it.
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Old 04-26-2015, 12:37 PM
 
3,279 posts, read 7,116,790 times
Reputation: 8308
It's normal. Outside of immediate family, I don't fully trust anybody. I especially don't trust coworkers, bosses, or anyone who has given me a reason not to trust them. People are two-faced, and some people who you think of as friends may not really like you or they may just be using you for something.
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