Son diagnosed with ADHD but I am do not agree! (psychologist, college)

[NorthIsland]

Hi folks,

Looking for some insight and some guidance from parents of or ADHD folks.

My son is 4 1/2, he's always been on the move, and been hyperactive, doesn't listen to some of our rules. His nursery school teacher suggested we have him evaluated. We saw an occupational therapist and the a child psychologist. The first doc says he's borderline for receiving assistance but based on her review he will not qualify. She thinks he has some fine motor skill development delay. However, he is extremely smart and is overcoming the problem. Psychologist did a 1 hour assessment. Also says he scores off the charts in smarts but has "classic" ADHD symptoms. Says we should see MD and put him on meds. A real shock to us and we are very concerned. We are not anti drug, but we do think drugs are often overprescribed and its the go to answer for many. Of course if he really needs it, we would put him on the meds but I am very unsure about it.

I've been researching, and from all the clinical descriptions of ADHD he has a few strong symptoms on the list but not too many. So I am not sure if he's just a tough boy to manage or if he has ADHD.

Here's the behaviors what I've observed, not in any particular order.


Based on many typical symptoms:
1. Does pay very good attention to details, although I only observed this with things he's interested in, not sure if he is attentive to things that are not of interest. But he does remember many things I say, things we do, things I would not expect a 4 YO to remember or notice.
2. Stays focused on things he likes, will pay hours on certain toys.
3. Can follow simple instructions but many times forget or ignore a routine such as don't run in the house or don't suck on fingers.
4. Can put together big puzzles on his own.
5. Sits still when watching TV, watching videos. Squirms at the dinner table, runs everywhere.
6. Seems oblivious to other people when he runs.
7. Talks a lot but not what I think is excessive, does interrupt often but will also sit quietly on occasion and just listen.
8. Temper is ok, not too many tantrums.
9. Loves to hug, 0 aggression.
10. Is impulsive.
11. Walks up to and starts talking to other kids, strangers.
12. Can do simple math.

So you may be seeing that he has several symptoms but other symptoms are quite the opposite of ADHD. I would think he would exhibit at least a low level of many of the symptoms but several items he does not do at all. I do not know if ADHD means you have a majority of the symptoms some stronger than others or if some symptoms can be non-existant and you can still have ADHD?

For instance he can spend quite a bit of time coloring or cutting things out but when he gets frustrated there is no tantrum? Sometimes he does tantrum over very minor offences but there is always a cause. He does not just melt down for no reason. He does not fidgit when playing, all his moves are methodical and "normal" for the course of play. He does run everywhere and loves to flop on the ground.

When I ask he he knows not to run he says yes but he can't control himself.
He was sucking his fingers as a pacifier up until 2 weeks ago but had a big cut on one finger. The bandaid seems to have finally stopped the finger sucking. I wuold think if he could not control this he would start to suck the fingers then move them away as it would be more involuntary but I do not see that behavior, it seems to have been forgotten altogehter.

So my question is this, can he "score" 8's and 9's on several symptoms and score 0 on many others and still have ADHD? Or would he score at least 3-4 on the majority of symptoms? Also if he has only 6 out of 20 symptoms, would that be considered ADHD?

Any insight would be very helpful. Thanks!!

[MoonBeam33]

Sounds like he's 4

Get him involved in a physical activity like soccer or martial arts that will help him burn off some energy and start learning about teamwork/awareness of others.

[BirdieBelle]

Why doesn't he listen to some of your rules? I would start there.

I would find a family therapist to help you set and follow behavioral goals. Put off medication until you have a better disciplinary structure at home. A 4-year-old using a pacifier is a sign that that is needed. Is he also still wearing Pull-Ups?

Have you had him evaluated by a speech therapist?

[ocnjgirl]

He could, and he couldn't...fine motor skills are often an indicator, do you know what he scored on those tests? That's why ADD kids often have poor handwriting. Also often clumsy, poor spatial skills, left-right, etc...I'm an OT as well as someone with ADHD. Focus on favored activities is also common with ADHD....so it seems he could, but to me it's quite early to say for sure...in any case I wouldn't do drugs as a first resort for anything, especially that young...I would focus on diet, avoid pesticides, artificial flavors and colors, and sugar. You can do many things to work on fine motor at home, but if he qualifies, he can get OT in school for that. You might also want to check out http://www.additudemag.com/

Does he have any "sensory" issues, not liking clothes or shoes, lights, not adjusting easily to sounds in the background?

[Pennies4Penny]

I don't know much about ADHD and ADD, but I was going to suggest cutting out food dyes. They are known to cause hyperactivity in some children, particularly Red Dye 40 and Yellow Dye 6. Dyes are in EVERYTHING from the obvious cereals and candy to the not so obvious stuff like Mac and cheese, chips, crackers and medications. There are many products out there without them though; they aren't allowed in our house and we function just fine without them. I would take him off of them for a week or two and see if his behavior changes. If you want confirmation you can reintroduce and see if he reverts back.

[stepka]

Based on what you've said I'd hold off on the meds. The only reason I would start meds for a child with ADHD is if their self esteem starts to plummet due to the issues they may have such as social skills or not being able to focus enough to get the grades they're capable of, and that's not a concern for many kids. For instance, if he is smart enough to get A's and can only get C's with effort but is fine with that, and everything else is fine, then I wouldn't do the meds. But if he struggles to pass and really wants to do well and is starting to feel like he's not quite bright, then I'd consider. Mainly though I'd do it to help a child with social skills and it doesn't sound like he has a problem with that and it's still early for him at his age.

[judd2401]

Good for you for questioning the diagnosis! ! ADHD is the diagnosis of the century, kids are subjected to polypharmacy, and unfortunately many parents want a diagnosis, want meds, kids grow into their diagnosis for their lifetimes. They see themselves as disabled. Kids brains are very elastic and require training, mostly behavioral, structure, and nurturing, not a pill or a diagnosis. Your child is fine, don't veer off course with a diagnosis, spend the time and raise your child as totally normal, all kids have rough edges that round off as kids grow, learn and mature. Focusing on a diagnosis fosters disability and develops the rough edges.

[ocnjgirl]

Originally Posted by judd2401

Good for you for questioning the diagnosis! ! ADHD is the diagnosis of the century, kids are subjected to polypharmacy, and unfortunately many parents want a diagnosis, want meds, kids grow into their diagnosis for their lifetimes. They see themselves as disabled. Kids brains are very elastic and require training, mostly behavioral, structure, and nurturing, not a pill or a diagnosis. Your child is fine, don't veer off course with a diagnosis, spend the time and raise your child as totally normal, all kids have rough edges that round off as kids grow, learn and mature. Focusing on a diagnosis fosters disability and develops the rough edges.

Actually, I agree with you about the drugs...but if I had gotten a diagnosis back in the 70's, it would have helped my self-esteem tremendously, just to know there was a reason I struggled...I ended up dropping out of high school (before I could fail again) after a lifetime of struggling even though I had a very high IQ. It was years later when I was able to understand myself and then to find alternate ways to accomplish what I needed to (still no drugs though, except I have to say mj helps when I really feel stuck). I graduated college Magna *** Laude at 36.

So while I agree it's overdiagnosed and kids shouldn't be put on drugs, I do think having a diagnoses can help, especially for a child as he ages and starts to notice how different his/her struggles are from the other kids. Just having a reason helps.

[judd2401]

You just proved my point. Because you kept struggling, your brain developed a "neural net" that helped you get through and around whatever academic difficulties you were having and you are a success, you dodged a bullet by NOT getting a diagnosis, many times kids AND their families stop struggling when given a diagnosis, "oh, so that's the problem, well thank goodness we now know what's wrong!" I've seen literally thousands of adults who carry their ADHD diagnosis into adulthood and grow into their diagnosis instead of seeking, searching and struggling to achieve their goals, you should feel lucky, you found a way, that's the beauty of the brain, everybody has issues, but struggling helps develop neurocircuitry that helps you through and around whatever difficulties you are having. Ever hear the old saying, "if you put your mind to it, you can do anything?" It's true. The epidemic of ADHD, ADD and Autism Spectrum diagnoses is a travesty, and does so much harm by putting labels on people that they never can shake. It's simply a travesty.

[ocnjgirl]

Originally Posted by judd2401

You just proved my point. Because you kept struggling, your brain developed a "neural net" that helped you get through and around whatever academic difficulties you were having and you are a success, you dodged a bullet by NOT getting a diagnosis, many times kids AND their families stop struggling when given a diagnosis, "oh, so that's the problem, well thank goodness we now know what's wrong!" I've seen literally thousands of adults who carry their ADHD diagnosis into adulthood and grow into their diagnosis instead of seeking, searching and struggling to achieve their goals, you should feel lucky, you found a way, that's the beauty of the brain, everybody has issues, but struggling helps develop neurocircuitry that helps you through and around whatever difficulties you are having. Ever hear the old saying, "if you put your mind to it, you can do anything?" It's true. The epidemic of ADHD, ADD and Autism Spectrum diagnoses is a travesty, and does so much harm by putting labels on people that they never can shake. It's simply a travesty.

I am only a success because A. I learned why I struggle, and that allowed me to forgive myself, to know I'm not a stupid or lazy person...that was key...and B. I learned that I can't do things the same way other people do, I had to find strategies.

That said, yes I am successful now, but make no mistake I still struggle and will always struggle with the symptoms of ADHD...it remains much harder for me to do many things that others don't even think about. My brain did not adjust to anything, I use conscious strategies to deal with the issues now. I wish there was something non-stimulant that worked for me, as Strattera does not, and I won't take speed-based meds (I, like most folks with ADD, have a highly addictive personality) but I would love to be able to do things easily and normally like others do....I am succeeding but I certainly haven't cured my ADHD or anything which you seem to be implying, in fact age seems to be making certain aspects of it worse.

I'm sorry you don't believe it's real, but you'll never convince those who have it that it's not.