I'm 21 and never had a job and don't know what to do (long post) (psychologist, anxiety)

[worthlesshuman]

I understand that this is a long post so I made a tl;dr at the bottom

Hi, I am writing this because I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m 21 and never had a job. I am terrified to work. I want to make something of my life but don’t see it happening. I feel terrible, because I am leeching off my parents’ hard earned money. My mom is a doctor, and my dad is an engineer. It’s hard to believe we’re related.

So my main problem (and maybe only problem) is that I have had crippling social anxiety all my life. It has destroyed me in every aspect of life. I haven’t had a friend in years (and can easily count the amount of friends I’ve had in my entire life on one hand), never dated, never been kissed, never held a job for more than 2 weeks. Ok so I lied about never having had a job. I have had 3 jobs. The first one was volunteer work. I literally just had to sign people up for blood drives. I got fired after 1 shift for not being outgoing enough. This really killed my self esteem, because I was so proud of myself for getting out of my comfort zone just to get destroyed by my boss. My second job was washing dishes. Sounds easy right?? I don’t have to deal with people, yay. Wrong! Although there was limited interaction with people, I just could not keep up with it. The condescending coworkers and never ending dishes till 2am got to me. They treated me with no respect. I couldn’t decide if I should cry from my mean coworkers or pass out from the physical exhaustion. So I quit that job in 2 weeks, and once again my self esteem took a blow. So my third and final job was a sales associate lol. I won’t even bother talk about that, because I obviously failed miserably interacting with customers. I quit that one after 2 shifts.

I have a degree in psychology. I managed to get it in 3 years and graduated with a 3.9, because I took extra classes just so my parents’ would see that I’m working hard and not pressure me to get a real job. Too bad it’s meaningless. Not only is my degree useless, it’s a terrible field for someone with no people skills. I really didn’t think about my future when going to college. It was just a means to avoid the inevitable- working.

I am incredibly shy and awkward. I suspect I wouldn’t be awkward if I wasn’t shy, but who really knows. In basic social situations like walking to my car when my neighbors are outside, I panic. I can push myself to do very simple things like this, but it is extremely painful. Just saying basic things like “hi” and “thank you” make me sick to my stomach. Anything past that seems impossible. I have gone to therapy for 2 years and tried a countless number of mediation (mostly antidepressants, some benzos). None of them helped in the slightest. I even tried self medicating with alcohol, but it just didn’t take the edge off like it was suppose to.

So after graduating college almost a year ago, I have spent all my time hopelessly staring at the ceiling. I have no hobbies. I even managed to masturbate to porn to the point of erectile dysfunction. I didn’t even know that was possible for a 21 year old. I don’t know what to do anymore. Social anxiety ruined my life. I hate myself and my life. I’m not going to kill myself, but if I do become homeless as a result of my parents kicking me out, I will just let the cold and hunger kill me without fighting back.

tl;dr: I have crippling social anxiety and feel hopeless to be an independent functioning adult. Every job seems too hard for me, but I need to make a living some how. I just don’t know what to do anymore. If anyone has any advice that isn’t “therapy and medication” or "man up" (I wish I could), I’d really appreciate it. Also if anyone knows any EXTREMELY easy jobs that don't require experience, please let me know.

[silver384]

i used to have the same sort of problem, although i did'nt know what it was. i was very shy and self conscious. i used to get very red in the face all the time, especially outside my comfort zone of home. but even at home, i would blush terribly and my hands would sweat so much, handling paper would be like submerging it in water. sometimes when speaking to people, my voice would shake and quiver. my hands still shake alot when speaking to people, going on dates, interviews, etc.

this went on for years, but i never ever gave up. i was always working jobs, applying wherever and getting interviews and job offers despite my problems.

so i sympathize an understand what you are saying OP. but, remember a turtle never gets ahead by not sticking out its neck. and if your dad and mom are there, mine were NOT but working, then you can seek their help and advice on your personal issues and dilemna. there's no shame, so don't hold yourself back by not asking. i never took drugs or alcohol or anything to take off the "edge". that edge is who i was, and i started molding myself another way. an easy job would be fats food, cleaning, retail. thosea re basic jobs to get your feet wet and start from those. i would follow my advice for a start...hope that helps and god bless you brother!

[MiamiResident]

OP:

Get a student visa, enroll in a Canadian University in Quebec, and start fresh.

[G-fused]

If this is real then you're no tin need of a job, you're in need of a good psychologist. Best of luck

[Old Guard]

Originally Posted by worthlesshuman

If anyone has any advice that isn’t “therapy and medication” or "man up" (I wish I could), I’d really appreciate it.

You can man up. You just choose not to. The longer you wait on this the more "manning up" you will have to do in the future. Join one of the military services. They are not as hard as people think and you will be taught almost everything you know to get by in life.

[seasick]

If a true post, very sad.

I will address it as if real, because the person needs help, advice, and care.

First of all, your handle of "Worthless Human" - change that immediately. That's wrong thinking. You might be troubled, but you are not worthless.

You have a bachelor's - that is an accomplishment. Don't sell that short.

Use the online social anxiety forums to help yourself.

Dishwashing is very fast-paced and exhausting. You need a quiet job. Look at government job boards, such as your municipality's job board, university job board, state job board, and also large corporation's job boards.

Can either parent pull strings and get you into a quiet position in their work environments?

What about a part time job and return to college for additional skills, such as accountancy?

[Spedizzo]

Hey man, your anxiety and poor self-esteem is going to ruin you. As others have mentioned, you need to see a doctor and converse these feelings to someone else. Are your parents nice people? Do they call you negative things? Because to graduate at 20-21 with a GPA like that is a great accomplishment regardless of what other people say here. You are obviously very intelligent. Have your parents threatened to kick you out? Because it seems like your anxiety may have worsened from a toxic enviornment.

Don't worry so much about being 21 with no job. I have friends who are in their late 20s who have no job. One of my friends is 27 with a degree in Psychology and a lower 2.3ish GPA and has been trying to get into med school for the last 4 years.

What I would do:

1. Talk to your parents. Tell them exactly how you feel. Tell them you tried hard to impress them with your grades, and you are very nervous about getting a job and your abilities. Are your parents understanding? Can you approach them?

2. See a doctor. Tell the doctor EVERYTHING you told us. There are meds and things that can be done to lessen your anxiety so you can function more efficiently.

3. As for getting a job, a Psychology degree is a tough degree to get a good job right out of school. Can you visit your college's Career Center (virtually all colleges have these) and tell them about yourself? Your grades are good, so maybe they can help you get into a paid internship around the school in the Psychology department?

You also have the option to think about whether you want to go to Med School (which is where you will need to go to get $$ in Psychology) if your finances/parents permit it. Otherwise, go back and get a Masters in something - like others have mentioned - such as Accounting. You seem very bright and I think can handle it. It would set you up to land a corporate gig where you can choose whether you want to be isolated orn ot.

Good luck and I wish you the best. Don't sell yourself short.

[Mimidae]

OP, I'm kind of hoping you were just venting and don't read your responses, because this forum won't give you a lot of sympathetic replies. People can be brutally direct here, so the psychology forum is a better bet.

And there's been a lot of people making hard-to-believe first posts, so there's going to be a lot of skepticism. The reason I believe you is that the part about psyching yourself up to get out of your comfort zone and get a volunteer job, only to be fired for not being outgoing enough, struck me as painfully real.

So here's what I know about you, if everything you say is true:
1) You're smart.
2) You are capable of accomplishing a lot (graduating in 3 years with a near-perfect GPA when many students take 5 years these days).
3) The jobs you've taken have not been right for you. At all.

But that doesn't mean there isn't a job that's right for you. And that doesn't mean you're uncapable and worthless. The thing is, there ARE jobs out there that aren't demeaning and back-breaking, or require great social skills. IT - few social skills needed. Data entry - minimal human interaction. Working with animals, if that's an interest of yours (you could start small, working at a doggy day care). Horticulture. Since you "do college" very well, maybe use your degree to get into a science-based masters program.

The therapists you've been using don't seem to be helping. Maybe it's time to try new ones, doctors that would act more as life coaches. Maybe joining a group for those with social anxieties could be a first step.

All of my advice is probably trite. But the point is that you need to start taking steps to take back control of your life. I'm not sure exactly what those steps are, but you are not in a hopeless situation - there ARE baby steps out there that can get the ball rolling for you. There are jobs for you, there is a fit for you out there. Okay, so a volunteer job getting people to sign up for something wasn't a good fit. So try a volunteer job where, maybe, you start just stuffing envelopes. Something - anything - to get you out of the house and give you experience.

You have something to offer this world. You just need to find it. You are not worthless. What if you make your way in this world, and later are an inspiration to some kid with crippling social anxiety who's calling himself worthless? Picture that.

[captne76]

You need to start doing things. Almost no one finds what they want to do right away but you keep on trying. You will meet people along the way anyway. Knock off the nonsense and DO, go out and DO. It will be fun and rewarding.

[Frostnip]

Being a shrink isn't the only option in the field for someone with a psych degree. You can also do academic or market research. It might require grad school first to be competitive, though.